12 yr old DS so negative all the time

[mckenzie]

It's really affecting me, the family, our marriage.
He's a glass half empty for sure. Everything is too hard, too long, rubbish, won't happen, can't happen, isn't true.
He's really lazy which is guess is perhaps a typical 12 yr old boy trait. Just back from scout camp this afternoon and couldn't see why he should unpack his own bags and put the things away!
Everything we ask him to do he will kick off about (empty the dishwasher, get the newspaper, lay the table) as if I've asked him to spend 5 hours doing housework or cleaning the chimney.

What can we do to get him to see the positive first?
TIA

Just marking my place. DS is 9 and I can see us being in this situation all too soon...

I've got one like that too
or all round.
My ds1 is thirteen in three weeks. he's also aspie but that doesn't alter the fact he's a lazy thing with a bad attitude and foul language.

Thanks for showing support guys but what on earth are we to do? DS has mild autism and some aspergers traits too (and dyspraxia).
Last night DH had a long ch at with him and I foolishly hoped today might be different but it's not.

Come over to the pre teen/teen forums!

Lots of experience and empathy there.

It gets better eventually , have a hug.

Theas18 - thank you thank you thank you!
I was seriously thinking my DS was the only one like this but now I see, after just 5 mins on the Preteens thread, that his behaviour is fairly common. We're still going to find it hard and it's still having a massive affect on all of us but a tiny part of the load has lifted, knowing that we've not alone. I've already read two or three threads where DS's behaviour is like other Mumsnet DCs. No magic advice has been given yet to solve the issues but… I'm still hoping

ooohhh, just coming back to check the thread out again - any links, any new or relevant thread going on?
I do think that asd and teenage hormones just don't go together, in mellow moments (we do get a few) ds explains to me just how confusing everything seems to him. I seriously wish his default setting wasn't "shout and strop" though, we could help him out a whole lot more