To work or stay at home

[My2kidsmum]

Hi

What do you think about stay at home mums? I'm in the fortunate position of having the choice between which to do and feel strangely guilty about it. Everyone I know seems to work and use childcare and it almost seems to be the norm now and for stay at home mums not to be? I enjoy my part time job (altough not as much as I used to) and would love to stay at home full time BUT if I give up my job it would be incredibly difficult to get the same sort of job back in a few years time when the kids start school. I know it sounds a bit stupid, but I also worry that should I leave working now I would lose my confidence (something I don't have much of at the best of times!) and find it awful returning to work in years to come. Also, at the moment I use a nursery (which the children love) and this is easy as it's all year, but once pre-school / school starts, it seems really complicated with school holidays etc. What do other people do? NB, I don't have family etc local enough to help and most friends with kids work.

I really want to make the right choice but seem to be going around in circles in my mind trying to find the right answer. Any ideas anyone?? Thanks.

I think stay at home mums are people. So I would expect to feel very much as I feel towards other people- to like some very much, feel rather indifferent to many and to profoundly dislike a very few.

My2kidsmum - do you have the option of going to work now, but then becoming a SAHM when they start school? I think that might be what I do - I want to be able to help them with their homework, and as you say school days and holidays make it very difficult to juggle a job too - it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's an idea!

Have a year off on maternity and then make your mind up?

Btw, I am a sahm and I am fab .

I've been a SAHM for the past year and am due to go back to work in 2 weeks.
I too and lucky that I can choose whether to work or not.
I think I would feel guilty whether I worked or not.
I'm going back part-time to "keep my hand in" as I think that if I left it until DD went to school my confidence level would be so low that it would be very difficult to go back.
I have 2 friends who are in this situation and feel they cannot go back to work now.

My2kidsmum

I think I've been lucky as I was at home for the first 2 years of my children's lives. 9both of them)

At around 18 months though I start to get itchy and desperately need to go back to work, which is what I'm doing soon.

It's difficult to say what you need to do,m school llife will be a juggle, but some people do, with the help of friends or childminders, or their partners (some people take staggered holidays to cover the summer holidays). There are also holidays clubs...And if you're part time it will be easier to find a solution.

Once your child is at school you will find lots of mums are happy to help and will pick up your child if you're late and have them for one day.

If I were you Iw ouldn't think too much about school now, think what you want to do first, if working is really important for you, you will find a solution, if its not then you can give up when they go to school or now, whichever feels better.

Good luck with your decision!!

Hi there,

I thought about this long and hard when DS was a few months old. A job opportunity came up in London, my DH was happy about it and was willing to make the move but i couldn't go through with it in the end.

I listed all the pos's and neg's and TBH there were days when all i wanted to do was go back to work and enjoy a guaranteed lunch break, hot cup of tea, communication with other adults etc. but then DS would do something that would melt my heart and couldn't bear the thought of somebody else telling me that he did this and he did that today. Was a very hard decision.

Financially, we are struggling. DH is self-employed, we can do very well once month and be in absolute dire straits the next but we manage and things are just fine.

I started working from home a few weeks ago which has been great, it's the best of both worlds IMHO and fortunately have had my dad around to look after DS (7months) for a couple of hours while i get busy with work. I am now pregnant again, can continue working from home and am earning enough to be able to still feel that i can contribute a little, even if only for mine and Ds's treats.

Hope i haven't gone on too long and that whatever you choose it works for you and your family. x

Watching this thread with interest.

I thought I'd be a SAHM for the forseeable, and now a job has come up that's of dream job level (not excellent pay - I'd practically be working for free after childcare - but great training, in the field I would LOVE to be in). I don't know what to do.

I've applied as the deadline was quite close, and at least by applying I've given myself faff room, but found myself almost dreading the possibility of getting to interview stage - if I don't get that far then at least the decision is made for me.

I think that whatever you choose there will always be times when you will feel guilty, and the grass will seem greener. You have to weigh it up for yourself, based on your feelings and needs, and those of your family. For myself it was never really an issue, as I always suspected I wouldn't be happy at home, and as it turned out I wasn't. Now the children are at school it is more complicated, and at some point I might make a different decision, but I hope that having worked through (full time) I am in a better position to step down to part time or term time working if I think that's what would work, as I am more senior and paid better. Good luck with your choice!

Funny you say that FloatingintheMed. We are currently looking at moving which would mean me giving up my PT job (it is going from 3 to 4 days a week anyway which is starting to be too much for me) but I get tearful and start crying every time I think about being at home FT. The last time I did it I was so unhappy and depressed that I am sort of dreading it now yet I also know it would be the best thing for the family.

Hats off to all the happy SAHM's - I'm really hoping that this time (if we do it) I ca manazge it - but it makes me fell bad that I can't manage being a SAHM. Beleive me in my opinion it is MUCH harder than any job could be.