Is it normal for a 26 month old to be a PITA to get to sleep?

[CheshireDing]

I used to be able to say to pfb "if you get in bed I will just go to the toilet then come back and give you a kiss". Now this doesn't work as she wants to come to the toilet with me.

Every night we go through the same routine, shower, colouring/chill out time in her room whilst I get her clothes ready for the next day, the story (or 2) in bed.

I then start to try and slowly make me way out of her room by moving closer to the door until I can leave the room once she is nearly asleep. However often she is in and out of a bed a million times and making every excuse under the sun "I need drink/wee/sore toe/need cuddles etc etc". I sit in her room ignoring her (with me saying "bedtime/get in bed" every now and again) but she just ends up wondering in and out of the room whining and half heartedly crying.

Is this usual for this age?

Yup. Be firm and clear. It is bedtime now. I am going downstairs. You need to go to sleep.

Yes, I think they all go through this.

We did a combo of gradual withdrawal and return to bed. So would sit next to the bed and return DS, first time with a night night and a cuddle, then just night night, then no talking or eye contact for the rest of the time. After a while we moved further and further out of the room, onto landing and then downstairs.

Always make sure you've checked if they want a drink/food before you go upstairs too and make a point of saying there will be nothing more.

Took about 6 weeks tbh. He is pfb so had the luxury of time. If dd pulls the same stunts it'll be stair gate on her bedroom door and leave her too it (hardened 2nd time mummy!).

It may well not work for you, but when DS1 was 2 we put him in his bed and got him a sun clock and told him that he couldn't get out of bed until the sun was up. He took to it immediately, turning the star on at nigth and staying in bed until the sun came up in the morning. If he wanted a drink or anything, he would just call to us (he wouldnt' get out of bed) We've never had a problem with him wandering about (Until he was 3 I used to sit with him after story time until he fell asleep, then he started wanting to fall asleep without us there - suited me fine :-D

I know lots of people whose kids haven't responded to the sun clock in the same way, so we may well have been very lucky with DS1, but just thought I'd mention it (even now, at 4, he doesn't get out of his bed, which can be a right pain if he needs a wee as we need to tell him he can get out of his bed or he'll just stay there - ah well, pros and cons for everything, eh?)

Okay thanks for the replies, if it is usual I guess we should just plough on !

We have a gro clock which she sometimes pays attention to.

I suppose I am mainly worried about her being upset every bedtime.

OP - I know a lot of people suggest ignoring toddlers after they're in bed and doing the broken record thing but I think it just winds toddlers up and makes them more likely to get upset (especially as they are usually overtired at bed time) I also personally hate the broken record approach (my DH often does the 'broken record' thing with DS1 and it irritates me tremendously as it just sounds like constant nagging, so I always tell him to stop :-)

I'd focus on the getting out of bed thing first, and maybe if your'e in the room, tell her she's not to get up but is to tell you what's wrong and then you can decide if she's allowed out of bed. (e.g. if its a wee, you can take her to the loo, if its a sore toe, you can just look at it in the bed to reassure her it's okay...)

I suppose you need to work out why she's getting so upset, is it because she doesn't want you to leave the room until she's asleep? Is she overtired and needs to go to bed earlier? Is she not tired enough and needs bedtime a bit later?

Might be worth trying variables to see if you can find something that works for you both. Maybe staying beside her bed until she falls asleep for a few nights might reassure her? (but maybe not, all children are enigmas :-)

Good luck with it!

She does seem to be tired but we can't get to bed much sooner as she has to be collected from nursery, then have dinner and shower and story. She is screaming now and this has been the same all week and is wondering around the bedroom and landing screeching whilst I am sat on the landing ignoring her.

I have already said if she gets in to bed I will rub her back (which is what she always asks for) and I have asked her many time what is wrong but then she just stands and stares at me - so I am not sure if she can't articulate or there really is nothing wrong (she is very good verbally usually).

You know what has worked best here so far? Saying "if you get out of bed, I will come and out you back. Every time." and then doing it. Took one night! I remind him if I think he looks antsy when I leave the room but I've never had to go back in so far!

Yes. I think it's pretty normal. I used to stay with DS at this age but was strict about messing around so I didn't have to stay long as he was actually tired and falling asleep. My rules were lying still, no talking, no fidgeting. I didn't insist on eyes closed - I found he would relax more if he was allowed them open and would drift off. I just counted to 3 every time he spoke or moved (which allowed for rolling over, but not prolonged fidgeting) and if I got to 3 then I'd go to leave, but if he went back to being still and quiet for a decent amount of time then I'd move back towards the bed. Took a while for him to realise I was serious but it did work (and really weeded out the times that he wasn't actually tired).

In your situation in the OP I would say "I'm going to the toilet and if you've stayed nicely in bed for all that time then I'll come in and tuck you in."

I think they can be sort of scared and lonely and a bit sad and not really sure why they want mum/dad but they just do and they can't tell you this because they don't know what it is they're feeling. It's nice in a way as it means she feels safe with you - being alone in a quiet, darkened room is pretty daunting, different when you're awake and there are lots of exciting things to do like playing. I think the best approach is to be reassuring and sympathetic and ultimately have patience (which I totally understand is not in ready supply when it's the end of the day and you just want them to GO TO SLEEP) but to keep being there and present and then keep building up her tolerance of how long she's in there without needing any kind of contact. So basically "popping out" to the toilet or to do something but promising you'll be back, but ONLY if she stays in bed.

or rub back or whatever it is you want to do other than tucking in!

The idea with the going to the toilet is that you increase the time - I used to tell DS I was going for a poo to stop him shouting down the stairs at me after 2 minutes!