How to train a ds to behave??!!

[Shewhomustobeyed]

Sigh - another day of picking up the younger ds from school and hearing about his misbehaviour.

Last week, he was in the playground poking another boy who asked him to stop but he continued which resulted in the other boy telling him that he was going to beat him up. My older son overheard and stepped in to try and defuse the situation and ended up getting punched in the face by the other boy for his trouble. Luckily, older ds wasn't hurt.

Today - ds told his friend to "slap" another child as he was ruining their game. Cue said friend actually going and slapping the other child. This child doesn't even speak english so it was a horrible shock for him.

I am absolutely mortified. We are very firm and not wishy washy parents. I have read him the riot act, will be getting him to write a sorry card and he will lose tv time as well.

As this is the second incident in a week, I think I need to do something else to get him to behave.

He is a yr1 child, very bright but exceptionally strong willed and will not do anything unless /he/ wants to. As a result, his reading and writing are lower than I would expect for him although in line with national averages.
We often joke that he could go to university right now if only he knew how to read and write.

Have tried the reward chart system with him but it only lasts for a few days.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as we are clearly NOT resolving the problem and the only solution I can think of is to sit on him untill he behaves!

Has anything changed for him at home? At school?

I wouldn't actually hold him responsible for the slap tbh. Yes it was a stupid thing to say but the friend should know better. Certainly my boys would get short shrift for telling me they'd hit someone because a friend told them to.

As for his own behaviour, have you tied consequences? Personally I don't find the riot act very useful (other than a quick restatement of what was unacceptable) but ds2 (same age, also very willful) in a similar position would need to explain why he did what he did and how he thinks it made the other child feel (he hates this) then would probably lose screen time for a day or two (no computer, wii or TV - worst punishment ever in his eyes).

I'm also quite draconian about expected standard of effort required at school but that's another thread.

Nothing has changed at school or home. Thinking back, it /is/ quite out of character for him as he will stand up for himself but doesn't usually go out of his way to court trouble.

Prior to half term, he was doing really well at school in terms of school work and then the work has gone downhill. So now, I am taking this in hand and increased the amount of work he is doing at home. If he hasn't worked hard at school, then he has to make it up at home.

BarbarianMum - the consequences route sounds effective and will try this.

Thanks

Are you sure you're not pushing him in the wrong way? I'd get him to do something else outside of school, not more of the same. That way he has the space to do something he enjoys and doesn't feel the need to play up at school. He can read and write as per average child - that's great! If he's bright, foster his interests in whatever he likes that way. He's only young.