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Parenting

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Original poster

Does this fall under emotional abuse?

21 replies

SilveryMoon · 01/12/2013 21:38

Ds1 (6.4yo) never wants to read his school book. He usually says he's too tired or it's too hard. We moved book time from after Bath to straight after school and said we'll read before we do anything else.
We're (dp and I) still struggling to get him to do it so I told him that if he doesn't read then he can't have his choosing time on the tv or he can't go to club etc.
Not sure what else to do.......
Opinions appreciated, any ideas on how to better tackle the issue?

OP posts:

Misfitless · 01/12/2013 21:43

Are you serious? You're not really asking if this is emotional abuse are you? Well if you are, then, no!

Why don't you both have a drink of milk and an apple, or a cup of tea and a biscuit? Five minutes cuddling on the sofa just chilling, and then read?
I know everyone's different, but those two times (after bath and straight after school) would be the worst possible times to tackle anything with mine. They want to do nothing, and if they're especially tired, they don't even want to talk never mind read. After a snack and a drink and ten minutes of doing nothing, they're much more obliging..usually!

Fairylea · 01/12/2013 21:48

Personally I wouldn't go for straight after school.

Would you want to come in from work and do more work? Of course not.

I'd have a snack first, some tv or chill out time and then sit together and have a go at reading. Don't make such a big deal out of it. My dd is 10 and is in the top reading set at school and I've always been fairly laid back.

Original poster

SilveryMoon · 01/12/2013 21:48

Ok. Yes I am seriously asking. I've seen threads on herethat I thought were reasonable although a bit harsh that got horrid responses. It's the bribery that bothers me. The you do this or no this I'm not sure I'm comfortable with but don't know how else to tackle it.
We don't do snack after school because then they won'teat dinner and once they sit and do nothing that's pretty much where they'll stay so we do it straight off.
Well it's not straight after school. They get changed andhe likes to wait for me to get home from work so is about 45 mins later

OP posts:

Original poster

SilveryMoon · 01/12/2013 21:51

Thanks fairy. I used to be fairly laid back too but then ds1 fell an entire year behind in the space of 11 weeks so I thought I should probably encourage him more and
support him better at home. Well, that was my intention, but he just isn't interested in anything academic. He much prefers to be out running around or fixed to a computer

OP posts:

Fairylea · 01/12/2013 21:53

I think dc really need some sort of snack after school especially if you except them to do any sort of conentrating. The school day is really long and tiring, some sort of biscuit or snack seems to work wonders in our house. I'd just not worry if they eat less at dinner. Dd often comes in from school starving and has a jacket potato and beans and cheese and then a smaller dinner later on with us. Tuna and cheese toasties are another favourite snack.

I guess people do things differently but I think a snack before homework etc would really help.

Original poster

SilveryMoon · 01/12/2013 21:55

Ok. Thanks. Will give it a go

OP posts:

jasminum · 01/12/2013 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rootypig · 01/12/2013 23:28

Can you take a step back and think about reading more broadly - ways to get him interested? Eg if he likes a LEGO, reading the instructions for assembly. Random possibly not very good example - but I think for a lot of kids reading is some random pointless thing they're made to do. We assume they share our understanding of the freedom it brings. Anyway it is an ELF (teaching English as a foreign language) principle that you need to motivate the learning somehow... Make him want to read. If not school books, something. Build it into life. Easier said than done, I know....

rootypig · 01/12/2013 23:29

And yes to the snack and big drink, lots of kids don't get enough to drink and that really affects concentration. Speaking from experience as an after school tutor.

Original poster

SilveryMoon · 02/12/2013 12:08

Jas, there is no speak and language delay. He knows most of the words, he just doesn't want to do it. When he does do it it is good.
I have been talking to the school, he had a hard year last year with a horrible teacher who was not invested in his learning. Other parents felt the same. I have had numerous meetings with the head and senco and we all feel there are no sen there but more confidence issues.
He was really knocked last year and his teacher completely ignored my concerns and outright lied whenI pulled her up on stuff in front of the head.
This year he is making very good progress and we are very happy, he just doesn't want to read.
Rooty, I will try to find texts that are more engaging for him. We do already do some of the things you've mentioned like taking it in turns with reading pages etc and have reward charts.
Thank you for the suggestions

OP posts:

jasminum · 02/12/2013 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummyxtwo · 02/12/2013 12:45

Just picking up on what you said about not liking bribery - I wouldn't go so far as to call it that. Life is about the effort you put into things reaping rewards. You practice that instrument, you pass the exams or get to play in that band. You work hard at your exams, you get a good job. In the same vein - you get your homework done and out of the way, you get some time to watch tv. I think that's perfectly reasonable. I too would go for the snack on getting home, bit of chill time then homework.

Misfitless · 02/12/2013 13:54

It makes my blood boil when there are teachers out there like the ones you have described, OP.
Sounds like the current one has double the work load to undo the legacy of the last teacher - my nephew had a similar experience at the same age.
I'm sure he'll catch up, with a kind and patient teacher and you finding a time that works for you both.
One more thought - if we've had a hectic afternoon with activities after school, my DD and DS are happy to read to me as they lie in in bed, as long as I make sure they get to bed a bit earlier and are not dog tired.
Maybe this might work for your DS every now and then, it's a nice peaceful time, and mine see it as a treat for me to stay in their room a bit longer while I listen to them, followed by their usual story time read by me.
Hope it gets easier for you both.

Original poster

SilveryMoon · 02/12/2013 15:53

Thanks Mis. We used to do it at bedtime but he kept saying he was too tired so I moved it to earlier.
His teacher this year is very nice and seems to be doing a great job with the whole class. He has come on wonderfully.
Jas, I'm feeling a bit patronised. I'm sure that is not your intention.

OP posts:

MERLYPUSS · 03/12/2013 11:01

We do ours in the morning after brekkie but before they've dressed.

Original poster

SilveryMoon · 03/12/2013 17:19

We used to do that when they were toddlers but now they're at school and I'm working, there just isn't time

OP posts:

lovelilies · 04/12/2013 09:27

my dd couldn't read at 6, she just was not interested and got quite upset if we tried, so I laid off altogether, just carried on reading to her at bedtime as usual. Now she's 8.5 and is the best reader in her class (roald Dahl, Harry potter etc)
I think pushing them (school and home) is totally counter productive and can turn them off reading totally, which is a shame because there is so much joy to be had from books
So, have a word with his teacher, and say he just needs to wait. He's 6... it will come when he's ready, and he'll enjoy it once he discovers for himself.. hth? Good luck, it's hard to go against the grain sometimes

Original poster

SilveryMoon · 04/12/2013 17:59

Thanks love that's exactly what I think. He has extra intervention for reading and she writes sometimes that he's read 4 books in one go, which is great, but for a child who gets nothing from it is maybe not best. Maybe he is just rebelling because he's being pushed to perform everywhere.
I want to lay off it, but I also don't want to encourage laziness.
He brings home 2 books a night to read.
Maybe I could start by reading one book every other night and I read to hin the nights between

OP posts:

lovelilies · 04/12/2013 18:10

Maybe have a chat with him, why he's not into reading ( 2 books a night is waay too much!!) sometimes the sheer effort actually hurts them
Just continue reading to him, maybe get some magazines/ comics? Dd likes beano and the horrible histories

Original poster

SilveryMoon · 04/12/2013 21:19

Thanks again love He says reading is rubbish and boring. Will def start looking foir magazines etc.
He loves Julia Donaldson, we have lots of her books which I read to him.

OP posts:

giudecca · 05/12/2013 08:39

Your boy sounds as if he's finding reading difficult.
Have a word with his teacher (you probably have). Maybe he could be encouraged to have a break from the 'school book' and encouraged to write or draw his own story? Even make a book for himself; folding paper, making a cover, sewing/glueing pages together.
Once a child has made a book they are keen to write it and then read back what is written.

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