I just properly screamed at DS for the first time and I hate myself for it

[sleepcrisis]

He's only 2.5, poor little mite. It just felt like the only way to snap him out of his hysteria at bedtime. We'd been out for a family dinner and he was given chocolate cake at 7pm. recipe for disaster. He just would not calm down at bedtime so I took his milk off him after 3warnings and put him to bed in the dark without finishing a story. He went hysterical. I tried to talk to him nicely but I really did not want to give it. I could see bedtime dragging out til 9pm so I just lost it. I've raised my voice once or twice before but tonight I was quite scary.

The worst thing is that it worked :( he calmed down immediately, looked totally stunned, and just let me brush his teeth before lying down a nd going straight to sleep. I apologised and told him its not nice to shout and I'm sorry, but that he has to try and be nice and good at bedtime otherwise I won't want to read him stories any more. He drifted off saying 'be good boy'. Hw sad is that? I am a terrible person!

How do I deal with it better next time? help me. He's in the midst of the terrible twos and tantrums are regular occurrance.

THanks in advance

Hi. Didn't want to read and run, but to reassure you it happens to us all I like to think

It's not great to lose your rag, but it's hard not to sometimes. I would have done the same with the apology, so you're a) confirming that shouting isn't good b) that its ok and normal to things wrong sometimes and apologising can make it better c) cause and effect, his actions have implications. All in all I'd say he's learnt a valuable lesson for life.

I do know how shite it's possible to feel in the aftermath, once they switch back from infuriating, whirling, give-not-a-shit devils, to sweet sleeping angels.

I had a big old shout when getting ready for school this week, I was so fed up with no one listening to my requests to get shoes on etc and then when we were finally ready and erring on the late side DS decided to go to the toilet. I felt terrible and did apologise but equally they have got ready for school nicely for the rest of the week....I just kind of think that I am not perfect, I do my best and sometimes I am lacking. You need to forgive yourself.

First of all, don't worry about shouting - I am quite impressed that you have gotten him to 2.5 without shouting at him.

YOu are not a bad person. He was pushing his luck, and you lost it. We all do that.

I actually think that threatening not to read a book if he isn't good at bedtime is worse than shouting at him. Don't use the threat of withdrawal of something positive as punishment.

Get yourself the book 'How to Talk so Kids Will Listen' and give yourself a break.

THanks both. I just went in to see him and he looks so adorable. I burst into tears.

I just see other people talking so nicely and quietly calmly to their toddlers and getting great results. I rarely shout but I don't get anywhere - he's hard work and takes an age to do anything he's told. I don't know how those people do it. Even when I'm talking nicely and doing things 'right' with DS I'm aware that I'm talking a decibel louder than I'd like. otherwise it's bribery to get anything done around here. I hate it.

I know its a tough age and I know its probably a phase and I know he's 85% of the time a very well behaved, lovely boy. But those tantrums are really getting to me.

I think you've done well to get to 2.5!!!

I've done it, I think most people have. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I have actually got that book 'How to talk' But I've found it a bit intimidating and am a bit scared to start reading it. I used to be an avid reader but not finished a book since DS was born ( so depressing) and all the worksheets put me off a bit. It doesn't seem like a book you can dip into. But tonight must be trigger enough to get me started.

PS I have shouted a few times, don't get me wrong, but not while he's been crying already, and not actual screaming. This was quite scary of me.

It happens. Don't beat yourself up about it. Move on in a positive way.

I don't know if this will help you, and I hesitate to say it in case it puts more pressure on you, but a poster posted something the other day that I wish someone had advised me when my children were small.

It was something like 'imagine you are being secretly filmed all the time you are with your children, and imagine watching the film being played'. That would have made me think before I acted - I think!

I've done it and felt so so guilty. Honestly, give yourself a break, just try and figure out what pushes your buttons to avoid it in future.

Apologize to your son then move on. I shouted at mine as a baby - that's worse isn't it!!!

Can't believe you lasted so long I'm already biting my toung at 3 months - once mine can understand that going ridgid so I can't sit him up to burn him, will lead to him being sick I will be yelling at him to stop it

Sleepcrisis
I didn't do the worksheets. I think I did the first one or two but then didn't bother.

My basic takeaway from the book - talk to your child as you would like to be talked to. No more 'always' 'never' eg 'Why do you ALWAYS forget your school bag'.

Imagine if your boss talked to you that way when you did something wrong, and think how it feels for a child.

Think and ask positively. 'After you have finished tidying your room, we will go to the park' much better than 'If you don't finish your room, then we won't go to the park', but conveys the same message.