At the end of my rope DS not eating

[GingerPCatt]

My DS has never been a good eater. He has a cold and it's nearly impossible to get any food into him. Yesterday he ate a couple of chips a chocolate biscuit and a yogurt. Day before it was a quarter piece of toast and a couple of chips. I know his diet is crap but I just want him to to eat anything. He gets grumpy but just will not eat and then he has a tantrum and then once he calms down I may be able to get a few bites into him. He's 2.5 and gets upset every time I go into the kitchen. Yesterday he screamed that he didn't want to eat when I made myself some breakfast.
I don't know what to do any more. I've tried not making it a big deal and just letting him eat when he wanted. Watching tv or reading to him used to help but now he just pushes anything I offer away and screams. I just don't know what to do anymore . Any ideas on trying to encourage him to eat?

Bless you, my ds1 is a resistant eater and it is so stressful. I can recommend a good book called Just Take a Bite which could help you identify what the problem is and steps on how to manage it. You could really benefit from a dietician / SALT referral too, I would definitely chat to your GP and ask for a referral. My ds1 has been under them and they have certainly been useful at times. Apart from the odd dietician who wasn't helpful. It's so hard but try not to get stressed in front of him. I'm a GP and believe me children can survive off terrible / very limited diets so try to think of this as a long term goal of helping him to eat over time, rather than "I need to get him to eat this today / tomorrow". Today and tomorrow he will be fine, this is something you need to work at slowly. I'd write more but my dd2 has hand foot and mouth disease at present which is truly the worst childhood illness we've been through yet and I don't have the time right now. There is a resistant eater's support thread on talk that you can search for which may be useful and help you feel you're not alone in this. The other thing is vitamins - my ds1 is nearly 5yo and still takes Dalivit. Worth either buying or asking your GP for a prescription for if he doesn't eat much / any fruit and veg.

What will your son eat? My ds1 for a time only ate chicken nuggets so I made my own to at least make sure they were good quality ones he was having.

I would say stop the eating in front of the tv. Let him sit with you while you have your lunch and if he won't eat then let him have a toy to fiddle with or some plastic spoons, and try not to let it visibly affect you that he isn't eating. Over time he'll at least get used to the concept of mealtimes even if he isn't eating at those times, and the battle of sitting at the table will at least have improved. Then you can start work on the eating.

I'll write more another time when dd2 is less poorly. x

Thanks mummy. I can usually be quite patient with him but with this horrible cold he hasn't slept for more than 3 hrs in a row all week so I haven't slept either so my patience is totally gone.
Today he's had a few mouthfuls of porridge and half a chocolate biscuit. We're having pizza for dinner so he may eat a bit of that.
He has a bottle of formula at bedtime so I don't worry too much about him getting vitamins.
I'll look into the book. I've read another book that stressed being laid back about it can't think of the name.

Forgot to add
He'll eat chicken, mince, steak, broccoli, yogurt, cake, buicuits, chips, bread, and cereal. The problem is he won't eat anything regularly. He used to have a bit of porridge for breakfast but he hasn't touched it (few mouthfuls today) all week. Even chocolate, his fave, he won't always eat.
I just hate that it's turned into a battle and I think his stubborn toddlerness makes it even worse.

Oh I feel your pain.. My daughter is the same and it is very stressful. I am seeing my gp and health visitor about her eating as I need a solution

I think you are referring to the book 'my child won't eat!'. I've read that too but it doesn't improve the problem, it's only changed my mindset on meal time. I have 2 fussy and resistant eaters. My 1st one is fussy and has a limited diet. He won't try new foods and will go mad if he see foods he doesn't recognise. My second one will try new foods but have a small appetite. A couple of spoons will fill her up. They can handle fruits but veg is a big no! The only veg they will eat are sweet corn, peas, potatoes, beans and salad and that's it! I always make swede, califlower and potato mash with lots of cream and cheese to disguise the flavour so they are getting veg down them!

No, different book! It's called Just Take a Bite, although I can't guarantee it will be better than the one you mention. Personally I think it helps reduce the stress a little as it gives you some strategies to try. My ds1 eats no veg apart from raw carrot sticks which he takes to school for snack time, and only manages two. The only fruit he will eat is two flavours of baby food jars (designed for babies age 4-6 months). It can only be those two flavours, the same brand, in the same jars. He has recently started to nibble tiny amounts of apple, and that is a breakthrough. The most helpful advice I had from the dietician was the step-wise approach. Something along the lines of:

1. Allow a new food on his plate.
2. Poke the food with a fork.
3. Poke the food with a finger.
4. Pick up the food.
5. Give the food a kiss.
6. Give it a lick.
7. Nibble it.

All sounds painfully slow and it is, but I have got ds1 to eat ham sandwiches this way and carrot sticks, when I was starting to despair that he wouldn't be able to take any food to school for his lunch that he would actually eat. Some new foods have been easier than others - pizza was a little quicker as it is the sort of texture (solid, processed ) that he will tolerate - and others, like the carrot and apple, have literally taken months to get from step 1 to step 7. It takes a whole lot of patience and not comparing to other children who eat everything, or that will drive you crazy. I still haven't cracked it by any means, as ds1's diet is still extremely limited, but just thought I'd share what has helped us. x

It sounds as if food has become a battle of wills between the two of you, that has to change toddlers can be incredibly stubborn.
I once read a sound piece of advice that has stuck with me, it said that our job as a parent is to PROVIDE a healthy well balanced meal not to MAKE our children it it, that's there
responsibility, and theirs alone. After you have done your "job" you ignore completely and trust that over time and with patience your son will not starve himself. The pressure surrounding food needs to be eliminated 100%. Good luck!

my DN was a bit like this and it turned out she had allergies to a number of foods and her throat would swell up and give her breathing difficulties. We didn't realize for a long time, but she was genuinely afraid to try new foods. Once we knew what foods caused a reaction, she felt more secure about trying, and eating stopped being an issue. Check with your GP.

I hope you don't mind me singling out your post, ianleeder- but I think you often see things like this on "my child won't eat" threads The only veg they will eat are sweet corn, peas, potatoes, beans and salad and that's it! I always make swede, califlower and potato mash with lots of cream and cheese to disguise the flavour so they are getting veg down them!

If they only like those vegetables, what's wrong with that? Why knock yourself out trying to find ways of getting thm to eat different ones? And surely it's counter productive in dietary terms to get them to eat, say, swede and cauliflower (which are actually vegetables that a lot of people don't like much) by adding loads of fatty stuff? Particularly if it's disguising the taste so much that they aren't getting used to new flavours?

Loads of children go through a phase of having quite a restricted diet. Unless it's only coke and jelly babies, the best thing is to go with it for a while. Once emotion and stress gets involved, things can spiral downwards very quickly. The important things to remember are 1. Unless your child is losing weight and has little energy, they are getting enough food from somewhere. 2. Children need much less food than we think they do.

1. Children generally don't like variety, they like what they like. 4. You cannot win a battle over food- so don't start one. 5. No healthy child ever starved themselves to death. And 6. It's a phase. In 12 -or even 6- months time you will hardly remember because you will no on to the next phase.