We moved back home in the summer after living overseas for a few years. The children have settled well, in general, but DS (6) is really having trouble getting settled and happy in school.
This is a child who was the ultimate easy mixer before we moved. Everyone knew him, everyone got on well with him. So how can I help him integrate and not feel so isolated?
More details here:
He's in a class of 30, but I like the teacher, she seems to manage well (with a TA) and has a handle on how DS ticks. He's doing fine academically, in fact he's able for more than what the class is typically working on. I think the issue is that he had a really close group of boys in his class up til June, and he really misses them. So far he hasn't seemed to be able to make friendships with the boys in his class. Lots of friendships are established already after a couple of years in the same class. DS plays every day with a cousin (girl) who is also in his class. He also plays every break and lunch time in the playground with his brother (8) and other cousins (also 8 years). He takes every opportunity to spend time with his family members. Yesterday his brother was in a different playground (this happens once a week) and I found out that DS goes to the fence, waits for his brother who comes and pats his head, knowing that he's unhappy at being separated. He's not a shy child, and until now has been very sociable and made friends easily, but the changes seem to have been too much for him, and he's pulling back and not so open to new experiences. (He also hates me being away from home even for a few hours, and I never leave at bedtime because I know it makes him uncomfortable).
So far, we've:
1 - had his birthday party in October, to which we invited 5 of the boys in his class. This went well and one potential friendship has developed but they don't seem to play much together at school.
2 - had a few other play dates with classmates (and I will have some more)
3 - spoke to the teacher and we agreed she would try and encourage him into activities in class where his cousin is not present (they both seek each other out if there's a choice of activity). I don't think we've had much success with this - each day he comes home with drawings and things they've done together when their work was finished.
Today I'm going back to school to see the teacher (it was 6 weeks ago that we spoke, and that picture of a little boy hanging out by the fence at lunchtime waiting for his brother is just heart-breaking). What should schools be able to offer in this situation?
I also think it might be worth considering a few sessions with some kind of therapist. He has huge tantrums at home and serious bullying of his smaller sibling, with a lot of aggression evident. Other times he is happy as always, but I know he buries things and they have to come out sometime. Does anyone have any experience of child psychology or psychotherapy?
Thanks if you go through to here, and happy for any advice anyone can offer.