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Parenting

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Original poster

How would you handle your child hitting/slapping you?

18 replies

Mandymoo · 13/07/2006 21:33

DD (3.7) has hit/slapped me almost daily over the last few weeks - its out of sheer frustration and usually when she's tired. Its over things like me trying to get her to put her shoes on and her not wanting to etc etc.

I'm at a loss as to how to handle this effectively. Sending her to her room, naughty step and loss of treats havent seemed to work. On Tuesday i refused to let her do some craft at home as promised due to her hitting me but obviously it didnt work as shes slapped me again today!

Any ideas/suggestions please?

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WideWebWitch · 13/07/2006 21:35

WE do 'OUTSIDE' immediately, in the hall and she can come back in after a minute or 2. So it's immediate, swift, is withdrawal of attention. Keep calm, be consistent, she'll get the message. We say "No hitting, you go OUTSIDE" said firmly, not shouting. It works for us.

hairymclary · 13/07/2006 21:36

have you tried just saying "no hitting" firmly and gently holding her hands down.
it may take time but I think the less attention you give it the less she will do it

Original poster

Mandymoo · 13/07/2006 21:37

What if you're outside of your home? Is it the same punishment regardless?

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TwinsetandPearls · 13/07/2006 21:37

My dd went through a phase of slapping me about 6 months ago, she had just turned 4 I adopted a similar policy as WWW.

I don't discuss it with her at the time although we did do later she qas just told to leave the room until she was ready to apologise.

Original poster

Mandymoo · 13/07/2006 21:38

hairy - yes, have tried that but she simply laughs at me. I'm boiling up inside but i try so hard not to shout.

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WideWebWitch · 13/07/2006 21:38

Well, it depends, I would say the same thing and if we were, say, on a beach (when ds was this age) I'd remove him so he was away from me but I could see him and then I'd carry on with what I was doing. It's anout withdrawign attention and not reacting other than with a v firm NO.

TwinsetandPearls · 13/07/2006 21:38

If I am outside I will again make her stand away from me and I will ignore her until I get the apology. If we are out doing something nice we come home.

Original poster

Mandymoo · 13/07/2006 21:40

I think thats where may be ive been going wrong - instead of simply saying "no hitting", i've gone on about hurting me, not a nice thing to do etc etc. She doesnt do it to anyone else, just me and i know a lot of it is to do with the fact i had a baby 10 weeks ago. I just want to nip this in the bud but i dont feel in control of it atm.

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Greensleeves · 13/07/2006 21:42

The only time I've had hitting or slapping from ds1 (3.10) has been when he's lost control of himself during a serious meltdown, due to being overtired or really disappointed about something. I think it's only happened twice. I held him, firmly but not punitively, until he started to camlm down, and then sort of turned it into a cuddle until he had stopped crying, and then we had a talk about how and why he got himself so angry, and we made up some little strategies for him to calm himself down (a little "calming down song" that sort of thing. And then I tacked onto the end of it a little explanation of why we don't hit people, and he said sorry.

He bit me, once, completely calmly, when he was about 2.8. He clearly just wanted to know whether it would hurt me and what sort of reaction it would get. I said "ouch" and explained to him that it did hurt me and make me sad, just like when he fell over and cut his knee. I asked him to kiss it better and say sorry. he hasn't done it again.

A few weeks ago ds2 (23mo) started to slap at me when he was angry, and I have handled it in much the same way. So far he is a bit fierier than ds1, has a wicked temper, so who knows what will happen

I'll be very interested to read this thread though and see what other people come up with.

WideWebWitch · 13/07/2006 21:43

MM, you've got to show her you are in control imo but you've got to stay calm, atm it's getting a reaction and she knows it. So just say no hitting, put her outside, calmly (important to be calm) and give her lots of positive attention when she's being good. Good luck.

WideWebWitch · 13/07/2006 21:45

I think they're too little to understand much about cause and effect, although they're beginning to get it, but they understand an immediate 'oh, that got me outside, don't like it, hmmm' thing and I think as long as it's calm and measured and consistent it's ok.

WideWebWitch · 13/07/2006 21:46

She will scream btw, but just stay calm and let her in after a minute and say, ok, we don't hit do we and that'll be that. Don't feel guilty!

7up · 13/07/2006 21:52

had this yesterday with my 21month old ds. bought him in from the garden and while holding him i got a slap,followed by headbut then he tried to bite me.

told him off and threatened to put him in his room on his own which he hates, luckily he cuddled into me and calmed down instantly.

he went through a headbutting of walls etc till which stopped a couple of months ago and has now restarted.

Dottydot · 14/07/2006 09:11

ds2's doing this at the moment - he's got a real temper when he's tired/fed up - is just over 2. So it's naughty stair or in his room for 2 minutes, which has definitely reduced them. Then asking him to say sorry to whoever he's hit and then back to normal. Hope it's a very short phase..!

Dunnyjo · 14/07/2006 10:26

god i have been having the same problem at the mo! My ds 2.5 hits me and kicks. I had my baby 7wks ago so i know its all to do with that. Thing is though he tries to hit the baby and can be quite aggressive towards him. (not all the time, he does give lots of hugs and kisses to him too)
I know by reading to everything so far i am reaction the total wrong way! Some times i am calm and put him out the room or in his bed room, but when i am feeding ds2 he tries to poke him or hit him which is really difficult when you have your arms full! I tend to shout alot and feel i am at the end of my tether with him. Even got dh parents to have him for a couple of afternoons in the wk because i cant handle it I cant leve them in the same room for a second and i know i have to change my reaction (have had times i smacked his hand, i know its not going to make it better just worse and leves ds confused)
Gees i cant wait for this to change, please say it changes

acnebride · 14/07/2006 10:32

god what a relief to read this

ds used to hit, scratch, bite a lot between maybe 1 and 2 ,then it faded, and recently it's back with a vengeance. i've got no other kids so no excuse, but it may be because he normally has just him and one other child in a nannyshare, and now 2 older kids are out of school and with them all day. both lack of attention and tiredness because life more exciting.

have been quite inconsistent but will try and get back on track. it did fade before so i'm sure it will again.

Mala · 14/07/2006 11:16

Wonder if it is an age thing. My dd of a similar age has started doing the same. It's a recent thing. Didn't seem to have much in the way of tantrums and hitting until recently. Also alot of back chat. I am finding it hard to deal with. I find putting her in a room by herself for a minute does the trick, but hate resorting to that. When we are out it is trickier, I just try and ignore her then. You have my sympathies!

QueenEagle · 14/07/2006 11:20

dd used to slap other kids right in the face when she was about 2ish. I would firmly tell her NO whilst at the same time picking her up and turning her around so she was facing away from me and whoever she had hit. Then ignored her whilst making quick fuss of hurt child and move on. Probably 60 seconds from start to finish.

Non-confrontational way of dealing with it, no-one shouts, passed in about 2 weeks.

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