If you're not a 'baby person' how did you cope with having a second baby?

[littlelionman]

Just that really!
I didn't enjoy the baby stage with DS. I love him with all of my heart, but I'm so much happier now that he's a (15 month old) walking, talking little boy (almost!).
I'd like him to have a sibling (maybe) but I have no idea how I'd cope with another year with a baby!
Did anyone else feel this
way? How did you get through it? Was it simply knowing it would pass?

I am really really not a baby person, I adore the toddler stage beyond belief, it's fabulous! My ds is 2yr5 and dd is just gone 6m, both had horrendous reflux and a few other related problems and were real screamers because they were in so much pain. I found the first 6 months of both very hard, but differently hard. I didn't know it got as good as it does with ds, with dd I do and can tell her (myself really!) how much she is going to love being a toddler and how we just have to get over the yucky part, I feel more in control knowing what's coming. With ds the first 6 months took forever, with dd have gone quicker which could also be to do with ds being a good distraction!

I wouldn't change having dd and it hasn't been easy, but there hasn't been the mind numbing shock to the system that I had with ds. That said, I have had a huge amount of support from family. This time I know that we will get there and am ready armed with unhelpful but satisfying smart arse comments for the old ladies who tell me to enjoy dd being small because they grow up so quick - I used to crumble and sob at them because I thought I was a bad mum for not loving every second.

Get any support you can find in place and do it, I am so glad that dh and I did.

I have a 5.5m Dc2 at the moment and am not really a baby person. Things that help are knowing that it doesn't last that long, the fact that time passes much quicker with no 2, focusing on the (few!) exciting bits like milestones being passed, seeing him and DD (who is now 4.1) getting more and more out of each other.

I am still quite looking forward to going back to work though! I love them but SAHP life is not for me.

I much, much preferred it second time round. I found having a baby very disorientating and boring the first time round - second time, you're manically busy, and the older one makes things more interesting. In fact, liked it so much, we're thinking about a third, who I intend to largely ignore until he/she is old enough to talk..

Watching with interest. Although a bit late for me to decide one way or the other because DC2 is coming tomorrow via CS.

The only thing that really made DC1's babyhood enjoyable was the network of friends/other mums I had locally. We've moved now and I no longer have this so am a bit apprehensive.

Like Veronica I really enjoy the toddler stage so will try and remember that the baby bit does pass reasonably quickly...

Similar to JackAubrey - it was much, much easier the second time around. My DD2 was an easier baby, DD1 entertained her just by being in the room. She slept better, I got less stressed about stuff like tummytime yada yada. The baby stage has flown by. She's burbling away, starting to totter and while I certainly don't miss breastfeeding in the wee hours if there was an accidental DC3 I wouldn't be sobbing in a corner despite being adamant that there was no way such an event would take place.

I think I've appreciated the baby stage of DC2 more as I've been more relaxed and it's less intense with another one that needs looking after too. They entertain each other as well which takes some pressure off. I've found that I haven't been as bothered about taking him to as many groups and activities as he gets lots of stimulation and interaction from his sister and her friends, and gets lots of fresh air from doing the (quite long) nursery/school run every day. And now he's nearly a toddler I want him to stay a baby! Although this is probably mainly because we're not planning on having any more.

Not much to add but lying here with dd2 (36 hrs old) and not being a 'baby' person myself either this thread is a joy to read! Thank u!

I enjoyed it more 2nd time round. Comparatively. Still went back to work happily at 6 months. Shut my eyes and got on with it?? Am a great believer in siblings and already it is easier (they entertain each other).

I've had 3 with reflux OP and vomitingveronica!

Veronica I know exactly what you mean about the old ladies and enjoy every minute.

You CAN'T enjoy a baby with reflux it is impossible unless you just dig a constantly screaming, miserable baby who can't feed properly and can't be put down - EVER.

People don't understand just how tough babies with reflux are - "oh so he/she's sick a lot" they would say. Yeah, that's it, this baby cries 24/7 and I have aged 10 years because he/she is sick a lot.
It is hell on earth! So, If Veronica and I can go on and have subsequent babies then so can you OP!

You don't have to like the baby stage as it isn't all plain sailing for all of us.

What does happen is, subsequent babies grow at a pace you wouldn't believe. I have to phone my mum to find out what age number 3 is!
It's not all intense, all consuming and time dragging like the first.

I now enjoy being a mum to 3. I hated being a mum to 1 - for at least a year!

Agree with everyone - second time is so much better, the shock factor isn't there, life has already changed and time just goes so quickly. Baby just comes along with the toddler and support network is already in place, whereas you have to establish that with the first. I don't envy any of my friends pregnant with their first - it's just such a massive shock to the system.

Just reading the comments about babies suffering from reflux and though it's made me a bit sad, I'm strangely comforted.. Lol.. When does it end thereabouts ?

Thingsthatgo it really does end! Its hard to believe but it does. With ds we stopped thickening his milk at 10 months and stopped the omeprazole just after a year but he was a different baby after 6 or 7 months, the above only carried on so long to make damned sure he wasn't in any pain because while he was fine behaviourally we could still occasionally smell lots of acid on his breath and had a few other dietary problems so we did everything very very slowly. Dd still has top dose of omeprazole, domperidone, carobel, nutramigen aa, ranitidine and omeprazole at 6 months but has stopped getting worse and even started getting better now we have weaned. Bottles are still a pig and have never got larger than 2oz (which is a very good one) when awake but she can now take 4oz if we catch her unaware and sleeping so the pain must be getting better. It's a slow road but I know so much more about it this time (and had a stockpile of every drug I could get my hands on in the cupboard just encase dd had it!)

Chocolate. Lots of it ;)

I have a 5 month old and a 2.5 year old. Like someone said above, the baby bit isn't as intense 2nd time round as you have the older one too. And it's really sweet when the toddler interacts with the baby.

I agree with the above. I'm mummy to DS1 3.5 years and DS2 6 months. I suffered PND first time round as DS1 suffered with reflux and was very unsettled. I found my first experience of being a mummy very difficult and not enjoyable in the slightest which led me feeling constantly guilty!! However, second time round is a completely different story, much happier baby and I'm much more relaxed- the time is just flying by and I really can't believe 6 months have passed already :o)

Thanks everyone. It hadn't really occurred to me that having an older child could lessen the overwhelming intensity of a newborn.
DS still doesn't sleep through at 15 months and needed walked for every single nap for a very long time. So I'm still not sure if I could manage similar sleep deprivation again. Or another massive challenge like reflux..
I guess knowing there's light at the end of the tunnel must make a big difference.

DD is 3mo and DS is 2.7. At the moment, DS is far more difficult than DD. I was worried about the baby stage again, but she's a dream. DS has turned from a wonderful, compliant toddler into a complete screaming, bolting nightmare. I did not expect that. DD is quite happy being ignored a lot while I deal with DS. She likes watching him.

I'm pregnant with DC2 and you're all being so wonderfully reassuring, thank you!

Have DS 3.5 and DD 2.11.

Baby stage was easier with second, I think because my whole day wasn't about the baby. I had a toddler to, so it broke up the baby stuff into easier to manage bits.
It really flew by, and now I sort of miss it!

Thanks for the light at the end of the tunnel lol sometimes I wonder if it will ever end that's true

I had my life 'back' having two approaching teenage years when I decided to have ds2 he was a great baby as was ds1 seem to have had all my struggles with the girls or the dc's dads !! But though a baby is lovely and snuggly I do love the stage where baby stuff is behind you and toddler tantrums are not right in front of you iyswim the playing with toys first steps first giggles ect .. 'Tis all downhill from there..

Really not a baby person either. Had a pretty short maternity leave first time round and while I was off found it could get pretty frustrating being with a baby all day. I remember feeling guilty about counting down the hours each afternoon until DH got back from work.

Second time round much easier as not on my own for ten hours a day with a baby. I agree that the first one entertains the second. Bigger gap here - 6 years. This has the advantage that I take DD to school, then have some time with 7 month old DS, then when I have had enough "baby time" it is time for school pick up.

I agree that you are more laid back and find things easier second time around. Things like knowing you are not a terrible mother if they don't have homecooked food all the time, you are not a terrible mother if you don't exclusively BF etc. Knowing what you are doing (to some extent!) also makes things easier second time round.

I found things the other way around. Having ds wasn't too bad, although I did get bored and restless before I was due to go back to work at six months. He was a pretty easy baby, and dh and I got along pretty well with looking after him.

When I got pregnant ds was only 8mths and it was a real shock (not planned for right then). The pregnancy was harder and then dd had a difficult birth which caused lots of stress between dh and me. Then dd was a really demanding baby and I had Labyrinthitis so a clingy limit baby who wanted to be held and carried about all the time was challenging! So I only took 3 mths maternity leave.

My basic solution to not being a baby person was to find someone else who loved babies and ask her to look after my babies while I went to work. It worked out well for all of us I think, and I have enjoyed both my children more and more as they have grown up, even now when they are teenagers

And yes all those people who said 'it goes so fast' (no it bloody doesn't, time has never gone so slowly ever!) and all those other trite platitudes... grr I know they only meant well, but boy it grated!

You are spot on, OP, about knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel.

DC2 much easier in the baby stage. Very glad to be done with all of that though!

Probably not helpful, but I found having second baby very difficult. She is one now and I'm just beginning to find things manageable.

But I think it really depends on the baby. My second was born nocturnal and still rarely sleeps through the night. I think how much sleep you get is the key factor in how determining how easy you find being a parent.

Having said that, it is becoming more and more rewarding as my girls get older and their friendship grows. I wouldn't do anything differently or change anything about either of them, apart perhaps from their sleeping habits...