How to cope with the screaming

[DreamingOfTheMaldives]

When DS (3 months) was born, he came out screaming his head off. Since then he has been exactly the same every time he gets upset. He has a real temper and goes from happy smiley baby to screaming blue murder within a second (and can go back to smiley just as quickly sometimes.)

I can sometimes leave DS on a play gym or in his bouncy chair for a few minutes but the majority of time he starts crying if I don't bounce the chair for him (even if it is on vibrate.)

If we are due to go out somewhere during the week, I have to put him down while I get our things together, sort the dog out etc. 9 times out of 10 this involves DS starting to cry which very quickly becomes him screaming blue murder.

I hate having to do it, as he is so distressed. I get so stressed and wound up by his screaming and more often than not end up in tears by the time I leave the house. I know that sounds pathetic but it really isn't just a bit of crying from DS, it is red in the face screaming!

The only way to stop the screaming is for me to pick him up and cuddle him but then he starts again as soon as I put him back down. If I don't leave him to cry then we would never get to go out of the house.

I feel such a crap Mum leaving him to scream and it really upsets me but I don't know what else I can do, other than not go out anywhere.

I should say that a sling wouldn't help as, although we do use one for the occasional dog walk, he isn't the biggest fan of it and often cries for the first 15 minutes in it - it's only 15 minute of walking in it that calms him and puts him to sleep. I also find it difficult to do the things I need to, to get out of the house, whilst wearing him

Just to warn you my post may not be much help but just feel for you as i am a mummy who cannot bear crying - i literally cannot speak or think when my dd is crying. So for you in solidarity.

Does he have any other issues? My dd was / is still a reflux baby so laying her on her back was a no no. Can you prop him up?
Sling while you get ready?

Is it a pain cry?

DS was a screamer it improved when he could sit up and wave his toys about then got better again when he started crawling and once he was walking he stopped all together, I think he was just frustrated at being stuck where I put him he's 22 mo now very independent and the sweetest boy it's hard to believe a year ago he was this demon child and I was a crying mess.

Can he sit up well with support? DS used to sit in his high chair from 10 weeks watching me he never lasted long but gave me a bit of time.

I hate the crying too, stresses me and end up in tears with it
Have a 2 year old ds who screams/cries when he wakes.... And my 4 week old...well she screams a lot! Really sorry no advice here but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I do try to zone out but find it really hard.

It is very hard.

DS was a Velcro baby til he could crawl for himself. I think he didn't like the helplessness. The one place he would sit for 10 mins was the babysitter balance. It's very simple in design but it bounces when the baby kicks, so you don't need to bounce them. Brilliant!

And you might want to try sitting them up a bit. I know flat is recommended but it wouldn't harm for 10 mins and most prefer it.

DS liked me singing to him when I wasn't holding him.

If all else fails have your iPod ready with some really decent noise cancelling headphones like these or Bose if you can afford it, and plug in some really loud music while you get things ready. When the screaming is dulled by the music it really does make things easier, for me the crying made me feel physically ill. Still does. Only my own kids though, anyone else's could scream for England and I don't "feel" it at all.

By the way, DS became the happiest little boy. It's not a sign of the temperament to come!

My DD screamed blue murder every day too and wouldn't be comforted by me or dh either so it was v v stressful. I sympathise. Only thing you can do when it gets too much is make sure he is safe in a cot or such like and take yourself to another room and shut the door to muffle the noise. But really it was just a case of riding it out. She never does it now since we took her to a cranial osteopath at 22 months and she started sleeping through.

I talk to myself or the babies (twins here both similar) to try to keep my mind busy when they are shouting/screaming/crying etc.

I also hate it when well meaning people try to suggest things or ask why they're crying in the middle of these situations - I can't hear myself think never mind what you're saying and form a coherent sentence in response!

Thanks for your replies - it's good to know I'm not alone in having a screaming baby and finding it hard.

There's definitely nothing wrong, it's just screaming because he wants me and I can't be there because I'm trying to get us out of the house or get something done.

He is getting a Jumperoo for Christmas but it may be a little while before he can use it?

Some good ideas for coping, listening to music through headphones is a good idea. I've worn earplugs when to muffle the noise in the past but only really at night, never thought to keep some in my jeans pocket for when we're trying to get out of the house etc. Will definitely try this or music as I hate getting so stressed, upset and annoyed.

Domestic Goddess - I've wondered whether he would benefit from a cranial osteopath but as he isn't continually crying perhaps he wouldn't?

Barberry - good to know your DS became a happy boy, as I do worry he is going to turn into an angry child as he is such a short tempered baby.

One of the groups I go to, so many of the Mum's, when I mentioned it to them, just said 'my baby is so content.' Gee, thanks, just what I needed to hear to make me feel even more of a failure!

My dd didn't constantly cry either but she cried ALOT and it always sounded as though she was being tortured or something. Horrible. 4 sessions with the osteopath and it a miracle occurred. My only wish is we didn't try it sooner. Maybe I'd have enjoyed her babyhood more if we'd got it sorted earlier.

Bloody hell, the headphones with music really does work!! Just after my last post, DS starting screaming because he is overtired and he has only just stopped, so about an hour. I put some music on with ear phones, really loud. I was able to try to sooth DS and keep calm. I was actually dancing round the room with him and jigging him to the music to try to calm him down.

He is now asleep and I have stayed calm and relaxed!

BarberryRicePud - I know exactly what you mean about 'feeling' DS cry, I can't explain how bad it makes me feel and I just can't cope when it's happening. Listening to loud cheerful, dance around music has just made it a breeze! I am definitely going to buy some noise cancelling headphones. Thank you so much for the suggestion of music, I actually think I love you right now!

DomesticGoddess - was her crying always at a particular time or in particular position which was causing her pain? With DS, it's just as if he gets so angry and like you say sounds like someone is killing him he screams that much. In the first few days when we were trying to breast feed he would just get so angry when he couldn't latch on that we actually nicknamed him 'little angry man!' That was one of the reasons breast feeding didn't work out for us for long and I ended up on the bloody milking machine for 6 weeks so he could be combination fed.

I know you said you'd tried a sling but what type? Have you tried a wrap type like the moby or a half way house like the close caboo? It's just I think some little babies don't like hanging in a baby bjorn style sling

Glad to be of help

It will end and all those smug mummies will get a different tricky stage. All babies are different. If they get a mum that loves them and does her best, i think that's one lucky baby.

Oh and don't forget baby groups tend to be full of easy babies. The tricky ones have unwashed mothers stuck at home who manage a shower by midday if they're lucky and barely get time to think never mind get out if the house...

Barberry your last post is SO true!!!!

^ yes yes! This about baby groups and smug mummies with placid content little babies!!

I always felt like a total outcast at baby groups with my screamy, tetchy little DS. He is now almost 12mo and things are MUCH MUCH easier these days. He had colic as a newborn which stopped around 3.5mo, and then he started teething, so one type of screaming stopped and another started! also, even when not tetthing he just is a bit of a grumpy little baby.....but this is getting less and less as he gets more and more independent. he cheered up a lot when he worked out how to sit up, then a bit more when he could crawl.....he is on the verge of walking now and i am hoping that's going to make him happier still. It's like he was just OUTRGAED about being a helpless little baby!! Seems to prefer toddlerhood much more. Hoping your LO is the same :)

I know exactly what you mean about feeling the outcast at baby groups. We went to baby sensory the other day and he actually didn't do too badly. However, as it ended, all the Mums and their quiet babies all sat around chatting while their babies cooed or played. I skulked out with DS screaming at the top of his lungs!

Today's actually been a pretty good day, just one short screaming fit for milk as I was dressing him after his bath -despite the little piglet having had a full feed only an hour before--

Remember that as his mum you are programmed to find his cry the most stressful sound you could hear - nature's way of ensuring we don't neglect our young! And babies cry / scream / act like the world is about to end for the smallest of upsets, because they can't tell us the matter any other way. This from a mum of two who also hates the sound of my babies crying - when dd2 (now 12mo) screams I feel my blood pressure rising and my grip on self-control and sanity starting to slide. It really is hard, but you cannot constantly hold your baby, you need to put him down at times! You are not a bad mother for having to go and get dressed, pee, make food etc. And it won't benefit him to have an exhausted depressed mum who feels low because she can't find a few minutes to shower, scrape some mascara on, have a cup of tea / claim a few minutes to herself. It's easier when you have more than one dc - you have no choice but to slightly neglect the baby and let them yell at times! It's harder with your first, I think, as you feel like you shouldn't be letting them cry at all. Your ds won't be in anyway damaged by a few minutes of shouting (him, not you - ideally) when you need to get things done. So long as you don't actually neglect him and leave him for ages he will be 100% fine and isn't going to remember any of this anyway. Be kind to yourself! x

There was no particular time or position she would cry more in. If it had been clear she was in pain we'd have taken her to an osteopath much much earlier. In hindsight I think much of the screaming was down to her being chronically over tired due to not sleeping at night properly. Who knows, all I know is that the cranial fixed it.

Ps glad to read you've had some better days. Have noted the earphones idea for my imminent second baby!

Are you sure he's not overtired? My DD screams when she is short on daytime sleep.

My DD is a total screamer too. She's 10 weeks old and from weeks 3-8 screamed for 4-6 hrs a night with colic, once out of that phase (the last 2 weeks) she's tended to scream on and off most of the day!

Initially I though it was the wind, but like everyone else, I've come to realise she's frustrated at being stuck in her little baby body! She's so nosey, wants to be looking around everywhere all the time & when not crying tends to be chattering rubbish at me or making grumpy shouts at me if I'm not interacting with her! I have to admit sometimes I snap her out if crying by talking to her loudly with signs/movement of my hands - my favourite phrase is "did you break the baby, she's crying?" With my hands out as if its someone else crying, weirdly it works!

I'm sure its not true but makes me feel 100 x better to believe my mum when she says clever babies cry more as they are more aware of what they can't do! Remind yourself how clever your LO is when they are upset and think how much more "interesting" they are than a quiet baby!

Op it's so hard isn't it! Ds was a screamer and it drove me up the wall. He did get better once he could do more and was actually a really good toddler. He had a few tantrums but nothing like the baby months. To give you some hope!

Dd is a bit of a screamer but has a reason that we are trying to sort out. It's still very hard and I do breakdown now and again because of it.

Yes to ear phones also if it gets too bad put baby in a safe place. Let them get on with screaming and have a cup of tea to re balance yourself

He should get better the more he can do. Also try not to go to him only when he's crying. When/if he's happy have a good play so he knows its fun to not cry

I'm so glad I've found this thread. Long time lurker but first time poster on MN...

My 3 month old DD is the same. She just screams her head off at me for no apparent reason. Sometimes she can be lovely, cooing and smiling, then 5 seconds later produce floods of tears. She's been like it since about 2 weeks old. One thing I have noticed is that she fights going to sleep in the day time, so I have to force naps (usually with the buggy). Sometimes a good nap gives us a couple of hours without crying - though not always! I think she is v interested in the world around her and so keen to get active, so I'm really hoping that she will improve as she gets more mobile. As another poster mentioned, I've been told it's a sign of intelligence. I hope so!

Anyway, not much help to offer here but just to say you're not alone and we will get through this!