Hello all,
This is my first post and I'm here because I need to vent. I couldn't think of a better place to come because you'll all know the fears/frustrations/guilt/exhaustion/exhilaration of being a parent! I am a single parent and I am completely knackered!
I have two children and something that I've noticed is that I have huge difficulty dealing with the four to eight age bracket. My DS is now a happy, relaxed ten year old who is fantastic company (I assure you, this is a big change from his personality within the problem age bracket). He has a lovely temperament and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. My DD is six and oh boy, she is altogether a different story.
I feel I must start by reassuring you that I love her very much and would despair if anything bad ever happened to her, but my god, she is driving me up the wall! She is demanding to the point of rudeness, almost parasitic in her constant need for attention, has no respect whatsoever for any physical boundaries and seems to spend her entire life attempting to wind me up.
I am aware that for me, this is an age related issue. Something about the four to eight age bracket just does my head in! They're fast, smart and strong, but they seem intent on using these gifts to test me to the point of breaking. I'm doing my very best to ride out the storm and keep my head above water. I find that I am utterly exhausted. Physically and mentally used up just by being in her company. I wish I didn't feel this way.
I need to find a way of reconnecting positively with her so that I can rebuild a store of good feeling because at the moment my coping tactic is to avoid her as much as possible and it's not working! I could swear that my bloody pressure rises whenever she comes near me. I promise, I'm actually feeling quite cheerful as I write this, I'm just looking for a way to make things better and bring back some balance.
She uses an unkind and disrespectful tone of voice (you know the one - the one which makes the sentence "No, I don't want any cereal" sound suspiciously like "Mum, you're a total dickhead") in tandem with uncompromisingly oppositional language and an aggressive approach to personal space. She raises her voice at every opportunity and even in play, she is overly rough - still pinching, dragging at people and clothing. She holds the dog down and too tightly, scratches her brother's face and pushes her limbs and body against people aggressively when displeased with them.
My store of willpower is all but depleted and as a consequence I find that I try to stay still and quiet as much as I can, but it means that my jobs are starting to slide by the wayside and the house is looking worse and worse. As an increasing amount of my willpower and energy is channelled into remaining calm in the face of her behaviour, I have less and less wherewithal to deal with the rest of my life. It's the constant opposition and defiance which I can't deal with. There's no compromise with my little girl, just a flat 'no' at every turn and I find it so infuriating. I'm not a shouter and don't want to be one, so I end up staying completely silent in the face of her defiance, but it means that I now feel resentful and angry. I calmly correct her behaviour and set a suitable punishment (time out or grounding or removal of possessions) but on the inside I am a seething volcano of rage.
I hope someone else out there at least feels the same way that I do. I'm trying so hard to do my best and getting nowhere fast!