when can I start sleep-training dd?

[Chacha23]

DD is 5 weeks today. She's a lovely happy baby - our only problem is that ever since she was born, she's refused to sleep on her own, day or night. Early on I would always try to put her in her crib/cot when she had fallen asleep, but she would consistently wake up crying after 10 to 30 minutes. After a few days I was so shattered I started having her sleep in our bed, and she now sleeps manageable 4-hour stretches.

Now she naps on me in a sling in the day, and sleeps with me at night. It works fairly well, she's happy and well-rested, and I don't mind for now.

BUT I don't want this to last forever (if only because, at some point I'll want a sex life again!!).

Is 5 weeks really too early to start sleep-training her? All the classic sleep methods seem to start when the baby is quite a bit older...

(or, is there maybe a middle way I could try? Not full-on sleep training, but first steps I could take to get her used to sleeping on her own, without traumatizing her?.. )

Any and all advice welcome :-)

She is 5 weeks old! That is so teeny tiny.. really honestly no I don't think at this stage there is anything you can do just roll with it..honestly it won't last forever (Although i know the first few months feel like eons)
4 hour stretches is great at this stage..
My best advice would be try not to stress/overthink it and just roll with whatever gets you the most sleep. And have sex elsewhere

Never. Ever. Ever.

She's 5 weeks old. She's a baby. She needs you.

Don't be daft.

Sounds perfectly normal for a 5 week old - she WILL eventually sleep alone. I promise. She's programmed to stay with you 24/7, the human race would have died out otherwise

The reason sleep training starts later is because before about 5 months, it's pointless

My dd's 8 months and I'm not yet willing to sleep train her. 5 weeks is brand new, give her some time.

thanks for the responses!

good to know you all think it's normal, because it feels like I'm the only one with a baby who sleeps with her all the time. All the girls in my NCT groups have their babies in cots, and my family have been telling me I'm setting myself up for tough times.

My own gut instinct tells me to do whatever makes my baby happy, but I do question myself. Also feeling guilty for not having any 1-2-1 time with dh, not easy to get romantic with a small baby constantly attached to me...

5 weeks is tiny. DD didn't really start doing any kind of routine until she was about 7-8 weeks. Definitely at 5 weeks she was just up all night it seemed! Four hour stretches are fab for five weeks, what a little star you have!

NEVER compare notes with NCT classmates - that way lies gloom and madness! Your delightful daughter is tiny and needs to be attached to you. If it helps, all the physical contact is doing great things for her brain development - oxytocin is produced through contact and is absolutely critical for correct brain function.

Just for a different view - I started a routine of sorts with DD at about 7-8 weeks. Around 7, bath (every other night) into pjs, feed and bed. Took a little while but now at almost 13 weeks she goes down drowsy and self settles to sleep, and generally goes until 6am (with the odd wake up feed here and there)! All babies are different and I am quite sure DD will up and change the 'routine' and keep me on my toes, but I felt a bit like you early on as DD would only sleep on or next to me. 5 weeks is titchy still though so really don't worry about it yet if it is working for you, i am surprised DD was ok to sleep by herself so young tbh, lots of babies don't and that is completely normal. Perhaps just try putting her down in her own bed when you feel ready - I started with DD by feeding her and waiting until she was 'properly' asleep and then transferring her (hit and miss sometimes!) and gradually went to putting her down when drowsy but awake. And Congrats on your new baby!

Ps I see you already tried the transferring - just wait a bit and try again in a few weeks, she may be more amenable to it then plus she will be beginning to learn night is night etc and it might have more success.

Could you buy or borrow one of those 3 sided cribs that attaches to the bed if you want a halfway house? It's working quite well for 6 week old DS (no 4 hour sleeps here though!)

Yes those bednest things may be worth a thought? We got a cocoonababy for DD and she loves it, well I assume she does as she sleeps really well in it!

Have you tried swaddling? And will she nap in the pram?

Watching with interest ChaCha, as my DS is also 5 weeks. He isn't able to settle himself and he also hardly ever sleeps in his basket for long. If we transfer him, he usually wakes up pretty quickly and I have been thinking of starting a similar thread. I agree he's so tiny, I'm happy to do whatever he needs, and to be honest the cuddles are lovely . But I'm like OP, I don't want to set bad habits (I don't know when I might be doing this) and I also would like him to sleep alone just to give me a bit of a break sometimes (although DP is great).

Oh, you don't have to worry about habits for months yet - they can't physically form the memories in the brain that comprise habits when they're this young. DS2 is coming up for 8 months and he's just about forming habits now, in the sense of genuinely expecting certain things.

Good to know we're on the same boat, Nearlythere - it's exactly as you say, another way to phrase my concern is to ask when good/bad sleeping habits start forming.

Thanks for all the feedback everyone :-) dd does occasionally sleep in her pram, but it's not a sure thing. And swaddling/white noise doesn't seem to do much. I will look into the 3-sided cot idea, though. If I can get her to sleep in it, it would be a good compromise.

Don't worry about future sleep habits. My DS was a challenging, colicky baby who could not be put down in the daytime for a single second. I wore him in the carrier for five or six hours a day until he was about eight monthsincluding all napsand thereafter for about three hours a day until he was fourteen months (at which point he napped by himself). At night, he slept in our bed for the first three months, and then in a cot in our room until he was six months, at which point he naturally went on a 7-7 schedule and into the nursery he went. But the daytime carrying was incessant!

Point is, approaching 2.5-years-old, yes, he is still a tactile kid that loves to be carried and cuddled, but he is a fantastic sleeper, and far better than most kids his age who were sleep-trained as babies.

5 weeks is barely born!!

There are a few babies who sleep through from an early stage but most don't and most want mum very close by. Please don't worry about the rod for your own back comments. I know i did with dc1 and it made it so much more stressful.

If you want some info about good habits I'd recommend reading the No Cry Sleep Solution. But tbh at this stage just do whatever gets you through the day. And please please enjoy those baby cuddles and cosleeping - this is your scrummy newborn Nd they aren't like this for long.

I'm v jealous of the 4 hour sleep stretches though. Dc2 did a 5 hour stretch for the first time last week and she's nearly 7 months!

I really recommend Your Baby Week By Week. I had my twins in bed with me and I used this book for reference throughout the first six months and slowly and gently it led me into building a comfortable routine around 10/12 weeks in tiny steps.

5 weeks is so little and you will look back and wonder where that time went but I also understand wanting a bedtime when you can sit down and have dinner etc
without baby.

My twins self settle text book but at 9 months do not sleep through so remember all babies do what they want really and we can only guide them towards healthy habits.

Good luck.

5 weeks seems to long but in the grand scheme of things it isn't. I remember worrying about this with my PFB.

When I had my second, I knew that babies changed very quickly and relaxed. She coslept, napped on me in the sling etc for 5/6 months. As a result, she's the better napper (cot, car, pushchair, wherever) and better at self settling compared to my first!

I did all this for the first 3-4 months and can reassure you that I now have an 18 month old who actually points to the cot when he is tired - loves getting in there an sleeps 12 hours ...

We co slept for ages and I let him nap a lot in the sling - at about 3 / 4 months I did out a bit of time into him napping in the cot and it was not difficult - he was older and could use his hands to play with a toy while I sang or walked about the room so he coul see me - at 5 weeks your baby can't see or feel you when you are not holding them .. That's why they need to feel you near it's developmentally appropriate

I did some sleep training at about 7 months to stop night wakings - I couldn't have done it earlier and it still works if you leave till then !

Whenever he is ill we still let our son co sleep ad he goes back in his cot when better - he has no sleep problems now

I promise sleep does not go in a straight line - 5 week sleep patterns is not an indicator of the next year of your life as your nct friends will find out!

Please don't let imaginary fears of sleep problems in the future stop you enjoying this very brief precious and tiring time ! It passes so quickly

Agree with poster above that making sure baby naps in sling rather than fussing to get them into cot will probably make then a better sleeper in the long run

This isn't sleep training, but it might be an idea to try to make daytime more interesting (outdoors, light, noise, things happening) and night more boring (quiet, dark, cuddles and milk but otherwise not much going on). Can't do any harm, anyway.

Also have you tried transferring to cot when baby is in deep sleep, eg after 20-25 mins? It can make a difference with some babies. Not promising, mind. ;)