in laws staying with newborn

[mustardtomango]

My inlaws are here (another week to go), and I'm finding my mind prepping for arguments. Lo doesn't like being in mil arms, at least over the last day or so, and I can forsee a go to about this as her response to him /us when it happens is that nothing's wrong and basically (though she doesn't say this) he should suck it up. To a degree I agree- I want him to be ok with other people - but he's only 5 weeks and, frankly, if I'm the only thing that stops him crying then I'm going too take him.
Dh finds the crying hard, and I worry that he'll fall to mils thinking when the going gets tough (whilst they're still staying with us). Really don't want to feel as if both mil and Dh are against me, or slowly taking the opinion that I'm coddeling the baby somehow.

Sounds a bit silly now I've written it down, both mil and Dh are reasonable I think (and do give lo to me for soothing), but it's lingering in my mind. I'm not going to leave ds to them too cry to screaming point just because they think he should be able to handle it (and presumably not need me).

Any tips on managing my worries welcome x

"Don't be so silly, of course he wants his mummy, he's five weeks old"

Or if you want to be kind, a breezy "I need to learn how to do this myself, might as start now - pass him over now " with a fixed grin and arms out.

And get them out of the house before the 6 week growth spurt starts!

So if I've read your post right your 5 week old baby cries when held by your mil so you take her back, and your dh and mil don't like it?

Well, tough for them,of course you will be thinking of the babies needs first, that's what you do whe your a mum. If they were thinking of the baby then they'd be handing it over without question as obviously a 5 week old baby needs its mum. They seem very selfish. You need to get your dh on side, he needs to be thinking about your feelings not his mums. Your baby shouldn't 'suck it up' its 5 weeks ffs, it's natural and normal to want to be with you and very important for bonding. Any way you can get your mil to go home early?

How long have they stayed so far? To be honest I think you have the patience of a saint to have them there longer than a couple of days - mine stayed for a weekend and arrived two days after dd was born. Never, never again. It was hell.

Of course your baby wants you - he is only 5 weeks old! My dd cried when anyone else held her. My mil's answer to this was to wrap her in as many blankets as possible, overheat her so she fell asleep and then she could crow that she had some kind of magic touch. She didn't and dd was bright red she was so hot. I was going mad as my milk came in and I just needed to feed her but apparently going 6 hours without milk at three days old is fine according to mil. In the end I flipped and locked me and her in the bedroom to feed so she couldn't get at me.

Try and be firm. If he is crying, take him back. If they try and resist, say 'are you stopping me from comforting my baby?'. Is there stuff they can do to help? Go shopping, cook a meal, tidy up, do some washing? Maybe you need something very specific from a very specific shop quite far away?! Send them on errands and snuggle up with your DS and enjoy the peace!

Onelittle that's awful... Though can imagine similar happening here! This 'knowing best' thing really overtakes people

Well, just did my first hostile takeover and took ds back the most forcefully yet - ie I'll take him now, stand, stand, passed over. Only elicited a mild eyebrow raise

We're one week in to the visit right now, and it a long distance flight to get here so they're not going anywhere. Not that I want then to Tbh, just want my baby happy!

Going to take a walk out today, get some air and exercise (pil think too cold for baby), will be nice I think

Good plan, and a actually if you get into the habit of a walk with the pram it's a good way later for them to sleep. Of course you can always ask your in laws if they want to join you, esp as you know it'll be too cold for them to want come!

You just need to be firm with them and know that you are doing the right thing for your baby