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Original poster

Advantages of large families?

58 replies

earlycomputers · 12/07/2006 18:04

just continuing on from my previous thread on reasons not to have 2 or more kids....so what are the advantages/good things about having a large family (ie a lot of kids)? I am not from one myself but am interested to hear the views of those who have 3 or more kids or who grew up with a lot of siblings? thanks again!

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Tommy · 12/07/2006 18:08

I am number 5 of 6 siblings.
Didn't really enjoy it when I was growing up as they was never enough space/money/time etc. Also hated having to always wear hand me downs and having to share a room with my little brother until I was 12.
But I have to say that now we are all grown up and have families ourselves it is great to have lots of siblings. We all (mostly) get on, our children really get on and play together and there's always someone to share the burdens of trying to deal with things like the fact that my Dad is not well and it's not just left down to one person.

Kelly1978 · 12/07/2006 18:10

never quiet (not always a plus)
can play 3 a side football
older ones help with the younger, they learn to be self sufficient earlier
always company for each other
more child benefit
mine dont even actually fight or get jealous very often, they are used to sharing
You get to drive a huge ugly MPV!
it takes half hour jsut to get out of the door.
everyone you meet starts with 'haven't you got your hands full?'

Bugger, went off the positives a bit! I guess there aren't that many positives to list, it's jsut so much fun having a houseful. It's lovely in the summer having a garden full of infalted toys and giant water fights etc. Just FUN!

bogwobbit · 12/07/2006 18:12

I am one of 4 (and ave 4 myself.
Tbh when I was growing up I would've been very hard pressed to think of any advantages of having a larger family. I longed to be an only child.
Even now that I have 4 of my own, the only advantage I can think of is that it feels like a 'proper' family but the disadvantages lack of time, money, individual attention often seem to outweigh this. Also I am totally sick of the way lots of people seem to think I am a bit of an oddity for having so many kids.

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NotAnOtter · 12/07/2006 18:13

My kids (say!!!!) they Love it!!

I have 5 - three bigs 13,11,9
2 small - 3,,5 months

The bigs nurture the smalls - we are lucky they all have a room ...money tight but fine...
smalls LOVE all the attention

Daughter says life would be so boring if it was like her friends homes. Lots of fives and sixes round us though so its not abnormal.

I do love it - hard work but lovely!

Xena · 12/07/2006 18:18

agree with kelly its just so much fun and mine do enjoy having each other and sharing experiences with each other. They always want to do things together. and coming from a family with 4 children I loved it.
Also agree with bogwobbit that people think you are abit of an odity having 4.

bogwobbit · 12/07/2006 18:20

I've just read my post and ot sounds horribly negative
I think part of my problem is the fact that there are big age gaps between all of mine and I often feel that because of this they have very little in common

mrsdarcy · 12/07/2006 19:21

Where I live 4 isn't particularly huge. 3 or 4 is average, I reckon, and there are families with 5, 6 or 7 children. Maybe I live near you NotAnOtter.

kittywits · 12/07/2006 20:10

I have 5: 7,6,4,2 & 6 months and quite fancy another! Not sure though, especially when I'm tired the way I'm tired now.
I think they are good companions for each other and they have learnt independence as well as working as a part of a large group. I also think I'm a better mother of 5 than I was of 2 because I don't have the time or energy to stress over the things I used to!

Sakura · 13/07/2006 08:43

Im the eldest of 5 kids. I have four younger brothers, who I adore as if they were my own kids. (although there is only a 2 year gap between each of us). They are the only people who know me inside and out, and any of them can set me off laughing with just a glance. Siblings are the only people who can truly know you- sometimes this is good, sometimes bad for your relationship with them. Its true that we didnt have nice clothes etc, and at the time I did feel that difference, but even growing up, I knew it was a small price to pay for having my brothers. There was a lot of chaos in the house, but a lot more laughter amonsgst us all.

As an aside because this is a very specific situation: My parents were/are completely toxic and I believe the fact we all had each other to rely on and understand each other made us all turn out to be as "normal" as possible. We sometimes joke about how terrible it would have been to have been an only child with our parents!!! I think it was very important that I always had someone that I could talk to and who could empathise with me.

SenoraPostrophe · 13/07/2006 08:50

I come from a big family too and loved it. well, mostly loved it. I'd have 5 of my own if I wasn't so lazy for all the reasons people have said here: siblings are great, even when you fight, never a dull moment etc. Plus lots of life's really important lessons - how to share, that you can't have everything etc - are more easily learned in a big family imo.

DumbledoresGirl · 13/07/2006 09:08

I feel a bit outclassed here as I am only one of 3 myself and have only 4 children of my own..

Actually, I do not consider I grew up in a big family as having 3 children seemed to be the norm around us when we were children. Also, I am a bit younger than my siblings so I did feel a bit out on a limb.

As a parent though, the main advantage of 4 children is, to me, obvious. They entertain each other all the time. That was the case right from the start when I had ds2, and ds1 (only 18 months older) used to climb into his cot and make him laugh first thing in the morning - no more only child calling out for Mummy the moment he awoke! My children are rarely alone even now. I have to say on the rare occasion one does find him/herself alone, I wonder if they will be able to entertain themselves. They do manage usually, but that gives you an indication of how unusual it is for one to be alone. I am lucky though as my children all get on with each other and (though the boys wouldn't admit this) all obviously love each other.

The other advantage for me is that I have 4 lovely children to be proud of. Sorry to sound so naff, but I think my children are wonderful, clever, bright and talented individuals and I feel very proud of myself for creating them - why on earth would I want to stop my beautiful creations at 2? I would happily have had 5 or 6 children, just to enjoy their unique talents, if I had had the energy to go on childbearing.

I know that sounds laughable, but perhaps there is a serious point behind it: I am able to spread my expectations for my children amongst 4 individuals rather than 1 or 2.

anniemac · 13/07/2006 09:44

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NotAnOtter · 13/07/2006 10:04

I am in the North Mrs Darcy and i do think it seems to be an odd enclave of larger families.

Anniemac and Sakura - that sounds lovely!!!

LadyTamba · 13/07/2006 10:13

I am the eldest of 5 (well 8 if you count step siblings) and as my mom is pregnant there is soon to be another to add to that number.

I never had to worry about hand me downs as I was the oldest, but I always felt I was left out in some ways and I know my sister felt the same. Probably because my brother dies when he was little and the next xhild born was also a boy so my mom was very protective of him and gave him alot more attention than us (which is understandable) My sister and I resented it at times, but it wasnt a huge problem.

We used to argue alot when we were teenages and eventually at 13 or so she moved out to live with our father for a year, by the time she came back I was 16 and living with soon to be DH. We got on loads better after that. The younger children in the family we are more like aunties to (17 year age gaps etc) and when the new baby is born in Feb, there will be a 24 year age gap so I guess it wont really feel like having a new sibling more a neice or nephew.

With regards to the step sisters - I couldnt stand them. Still cant. Half brother is the same age as my youngest brother but I dont see him often enough to really have that brother/sister thing with him (also he is part of my dads family and they are all crackers) It would be nice to know him better, hes a sweet kid.

Growing up in a big family meant noise, no privacy, no space... but also that there was always someone to play with, and we could gang up together when we wanted something or had done something naughty (it wasnt us mom...)

I wouldnt change anything, I had a happy childhood, although we didnt have much money. Looking back i am very impressed that my mom managed to stretch her wage the way she did. I think if I actually looked back to my childhood more and objectivily looked at things I could learn alot about how to be a good parent.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 13/07/2006 10:18

got 6, 2 have unfortunately or forunately sometimes(whichever way you see it) left home
also have 2 ss

there is never a dull moment
great for your figure as you are always running around
I loved it and still do

mrsdarcy · 13/07/2006 19:27

This is such a nice and interesting thread!

I'm in the North too, NotAnOtter. In a really Catholic area which may go some way to explaining the big families

wanderingstar · 13/07/2006 20:09

I have 4 and I LOVE IT. They are 12, 11, 7 and 2.5. The first year of having 4 was v. hard as ds3 wasn't a sleeper, and we had family illnesses/bereavements to deal with, but it's great. I'm run off my feet, but feel really proud of them all. I love seeing them interact and the dynamics change all the time, so it's fascinating. I agree with Kittywits and Dumbledore'sgirl; your love for your children isn't diluted because you have 3, 4 or more, but your worries and expectations are spread about. There isn't time to sweat the small stuff ! My children are all quite laid back because i try to be.

NotAnOtter · 13/07/2006 20:37

Mrs Darcy I am loving this thread too i think mumsnet should have an area for large families as with other minority groups we have our own 'issues'

I am North of Leeds

Broody as hell in the Norh of leeds!
Well put wandering star - i am so much more chilled about my expectations for them but love them all JUST as much!

kittywits · 14/07/2006 13:06

I have long since been campaiging for a disabled sticker for my car. Alright I brought the multi children disability on myself, but I am reproducing for the ggod of the nation and I think I should be allowed to park on yellow lines outside the dr's dentists, etc, becuase I am pretty disabled. I am also a lot more disabled than some of the people I have seen with stickers in their car.

wheresmyfroggy · 14/07/2006 13:12

I am youngest of 4 and dw is youngest of 5, both of us loved being part of a larger family. We are due number 3 next month and although we say it will be our last .............not sure that dw will say that in a year.
Are you serious sbout disabled parking kittywits? you see your larger family as a disability? We use p and t bays where we can but wouldn't want to use spaces for those who have a physical disability [through no choice of their own]

kittywits · 14/07/2006 13:33

hello again froggy! When i am out and about with all 5 young children it is so so difficult to get around. Not being able to park near where I need to get to is very dangerous , particularly with absunt-minded 2 4 year olds. I don't park in disabled bays , but i think some sort of help, parking wise should be given to mothers with many young cgildren Mother and toddler bays are rubbish 'cos nobody respects them and the world and his wife park in them

kittywits · 14/07/2006 13:34

meant 2 and 4 year olds not 24 year olds!

QueenEagle · 14/07/2006 13:47

Quite astonishing that you equate having young children with someone having a genuine disability. You made a choice, disabled people didn't.

dmo · 14/07/2006 13:48

my friends just had her 7th child
her oldest is 12yrs old
lovely lovely couple but no thanks to all them children (they are great kids)
i have 2 myself thats enough as they enjoy the treats in life i neaver got (i'm one of 5 the eldest, the babysitter, the carrier)
my boys enjoy cubs, football, dancing. we go to the cinema whenever eat out go on hols, everything i neaver did cause everything cost to much with so many children

dmo · 14/07/2006 13:55

kittywicks
what are you talking about?
you say you have 5 children and fancy another and then you moan about parking with them all!
i'm a childminder i love children but i chose to have just two children
this summer i will be out and about with my mindees (between 7-9 of them) i would not and do not expeact specal treatment because of the amount of children i have.
if you cant deal with them out and about stay in