Four year old girl -'I look awful'.

[SharonCurley]

How can I help my dd.She looked in the mirror tonight and said 'I look awful'.I don't like myself.I've tried to ensure that she is being brought up with an emphasis on how are bodies function rather than how they appear .She is very confident and friendly.I just feel really sad tonight and wonder what I can do.I grew up feeling the exact same way and don't want the same for her.I never really believed I was in anyway nice looking until I was spotted by a model agent in my late teens and feel very sad that I needed this validation .As a result there has been no focus on appearance in our house and lots of focus on personal achievement.Any advice please?

'Our bodies'

These things are so tricky, I will have to look for some books on this for dd. Have you told her that she's your beautiful little girl and you think she's perfect? I was the same growing up and the absence of ever telling me I looked nice meant I felt ugly. Beauty isn't something that should be emphasised I agree, but I think you also have to reinforce that she looks nice and ok, especially as there is a culture of girls never being good enough on any dimension.

Ps I don't in any way mean this as a criticism of not focusing on appearance, I expect your dd picked this up from the general culture and other dcs at nursery etc. Sensitive dc always pick up on these cultural things.

Thanks for your reply.Yes it's something I will have to look into more.It may be a once off , it may be a phase.Either way I won't make a big deal out if it as she will realise that she's getting some attention from it.No I don't talk about anyone being beautiful or handsome.I tell her I love her lots and cuddle her lots and tell her how fantastic and strong and clever she is.I always wanted to steer her away from body image or looks but perhaps I am doing this wrong.

No advice really, but I do have a 4year old dd who loves looking in the mirror! She is very eclectic in her clothing choices and loves to wear MANY hair accessories in her hair at the same time. Upon questioning her, she seems to think looking pretty is abut wearing oretty things. I have tried to talk to her about how beautiful she is without all that stuff but to her it is what makes her pretty.
Im just wondering if what she's really refering to is her possible lack of all that glitters and sparkles, and not her actual self iyswim.

i think it is important to let your daughter know you think she is beautiful. it builds her confidence. i understand you want to steer away from looks, but you can say she is beautiful, clever, funny smart etc...so its not just looks. i always tell my daughter she is beautiful, a beauty, smart, clever, kind, good heart etc etc and how much i love her etc. my mom would do the same to me growing up and i am thankful she did :)

Thanks for all the replies.Like everyone ...I just want to get it right.My parents weren't affectionate and did'nt ever tell us they loved us or that we were beautiful.As a result I think it has made my sisters and I focus too much on our looks and I don't want this for my daughters either.Perhaps you are right about the association with jewellery and pretty things though-she had new pjs on which were not pretty and girly like her usual ones !