39 weeks with DC2 + 13 month old. Coping strategies please!

[Italianbride]

I'm a week away from my due date with DC2 and already have an active 13 month old. I find myself having to face up to the reality of having a new baby in the house VERY soon and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage!

Those of you with small age gaps please give me some advice for getting through the early stages. How do I manage both their needs (particularly once DH goes back to work in Jan)???

I had 11 months between my first 2 DC.

My top tip would be don't try and achieve too much, especially in the early days! Just getting through the day is an achievement in my view! Do you go to any toddler groups with your first DC? I always found, once I had got over the initial shock of everything, at least if there was an opportunity to get out of the house, it split the day up a bit. It can seem like a long day otherwise, if you're stuck in the house with 2 DC. On the plus side though, even if you only have 1 baby, you're quite restricted in terms of them needing naps, pushchairs ect, so having 2 doesn't really change that. I actually found the 3 year gap between DC2 & 3 the hardest, as the older 2 were out of the baby stage then.

It couldn't have been that bad though, I now have 5 DC - and my youngest 3 were very close, they are now 3,2 &1 and the older 2 are 7 & 6. I'm finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel

I have 17 months between mine, so a slightly bigger gap than you, but there were some things I did that made life easier:
Prepped as much as possible during the night or morning when dh was here, eg sterilised and made up all the bottles for the day (dd bottle fed)

Made a pack lunch for myself so I had something quick and relatively healthy that I could just grab

Toddler ready meals and batch cook stew/chilli etc in the slow cooker for ds' meals

Fed ds slightly earlier/later than normal to work around dd's milk

Double buggy so I could easily take both out during the day

Sky+ loads of episodes of fireman Sam to keep ds occupied whilst feeding dd. I also bought loads of cars, books etc that he could look at/play with on his own

Bought a swing for dd so she had somewhere safe to sit whilst I had a wee/made dinner/played with ds/changed ds' nappy/did some house work/had a rest

Accepted that dd would have to cry a lot more than ds ever did as I couldn't split myself in two

Kept ds in nursery for a few mornings a week so I had time alone with dd to bond with and get to know her

Dropped my standards dramatically re the state of the house: I just didn't have time to do it

Hope this helps. And if course, congratulations on your new baby, hope it all goes well

Oh, and if you can get your eldest to feed him/herself reliably that really helps as you can just give them their meal and let them get on with it as you deal with dc2 (inthe same room obvs!).
And try, if at all possible, to get dc1 to nap at the same time as dc2. Joint naptimes were a lifesaver for me during the early days!

We'll have a bigger age gap of 2yr when DC2 arrives shortly but in reading this with interest and to see what I can try to make life easier!!
mumofboyo I'm glad you said that about keeping your DS in nursery a few mornings - we are planning to do the same with our DS. He's in a great routine there, loves going and frankly since he's so very active it helps him to have somewhere with other kids to burn it off. I have been feeling a bit guilty about doing it though (especially after one or two iffy comments from people) so it's made me feel a bit better knowing other people have done the same.

Somebody mentioned a dishwasher - must invest in one of those!

Yes ipswich someone made a comment to me about keeping ds in nursery as well. I just said fuck off you nosey fucker that he enjoys it there, is really settled and it seemed silly to take him out only to have to resettle him in a few months' time when I went back to work. I also said what I wrote above: it gave me time alone with dd that I wouldn't otherwise have, and what's wrong with that?
From what I can gather, a lot of people keep their dcs in some form of childcare when they don't actually really need to, simply because it is easier and gives them a break. Don't feel guilty for it, you're doing what you think is best for you, your sanity and your family. And it's noone else's business.

Thanks for the sage advice. It's helpful to hear about letting standards at home drop a bit! I guess it's a case of trial and error in the early stages (a bit like this whole parenting lark!) and seeing how DS1 adapts to the changes.

Standards have already dropped in our house!
That's what I was thinking too mumofboyo - that DS going to nursery gives me a bit of bonding time with the baby. I had all the time in the world when it was just DS so it will be nice to have some 1-1 time with DC2. I'm also concerned about having to re-settle him back into nursery when I have to return to work and the possibility of him losing his nursery place if I withdraw him altogether.