No good at soothing newborn :-(

[Smerlin]

Hi there

Just wanted some advice really. I am a first time parent to a 3 week old and she seems to cry a lot without me being able to soothe her.

When things are going well, she feeds, cries for 30-60 mins (in middle of investigation with GP/HV to find out if this is colic/reflux) and then falls asleep for 2-3 hrs.

However sometimes I can't get her to settle at all e.g. this morning I fed her at 9.30, winded her/comforted her for 40 mins while she cried and then took her for a walk to the local shop in the pram (she mostly slept during this). We were back by about 11.15 and she woke up immediately when we arrived home and cried. I offered her a feed but she didn't want much and then after some crying, she dozed off for half an hour. She then woke up again and was crying again. Again offered food, checked nappy but still crying.

I think she was really tired as she has finally fallen asleep on me at 1pm and seems deeply asleep but for all those hours she seemed regularly unhappy.

Sometimes I just seem unable to comfort her or know what is wrong and my friend said babies never cry for no reason but I just can't seem to work it out. I am terrified of taking her to the supermarket/to see family as I am not confident at being to work out what is wrong and comfort her. I only take her out in the pram to very nearby places in case she wakes up screaming.

Is this all normal for such a young baby? I don't like to see her miserable so often.

Sounds like my number 1 son. He cried all day every day for pretty much no reason (he had reflux initially but we fixed it with osteopathy) I think some babies are just grumpier than others and they so do bloody cry for no reason at times. A sling is a good idea, May allow you a little freedom. It passes, it gets easier. 3 weeks is early days. Number 2 son is 3 weeks old too and very laid back. They're all different x

Ok will definitely look into a sling - she hasn't slept for about 4 hrs this afternoon due to wanting to sleep in my arms but minor disturbances setting her off! We did buy a beco Carrier but she doesn't seem very keen - prob feels a bit hard and big to her as she's currently so tiny.

Midwife suggested a dummy as well which I was surprised about as I thought that would be one of the sorts of things they would frown on!!!

Still worried about having to take her out places though- if only she reliably fell asleep in the pram!

DS1 cried for the first 9 weeks unless he was feeding. Then he started to go 2 hours between feeds.

Undiagnosed tongue tie was the culprit, he was bloody starving.

You said downthread that you are expressing, do you think the probs you had with breastfeeding could be tongue tie related?

Certainly could be to do with tongue tie although amazed so many professionals didn't even suggest it as a possibility. Anyway at least the expressing is working for us despite it being a faff- the one thing that has gone well for us is that I have a pretty high milk supply!

Get a wrap type sling is more cosy for baby ....or an ergo

I gave up on our local post-natal support group at our local cafe because wee one was so unsettled. Everyone else's baby seemed so content.

It passed. I found another mum to go walking with instead, with babies in slings. Much less stressful and happier babies.

The other folk with crying babies have just stayed home! That's why you don't see them.

It will get better.

Just to add - after the huge pain / discomfort I had with trapped wind after c section, I now get why babies are so miserable with wind.

Which bottles are you using? My lo has gone from screaming after feeds to being lovely and settled since switching bottles to anti colic ones. Can't believe the difference they've made. Maybe worth a try?

I also agree with the use of a dummy . My 1st born didn't need one my second child really did. Do what helps. I understand the fear of not venturing far I felt that with my 1st. I promise you most people will not bat an eyelid In a supermarket if she starts crying. Infact if I made it into tescos I felt a sense of achievement . Lol. Your doing great 1st few months are tough x