Any other military families out there?

[CathyL]

Our first is due in early Feb and we have just found out that Air Force Dad has to be in Qatar from end Aug to mid Jan. I am gutted (unsurprisingly) as I don't think I will feel the baby move before he goes, and I'm terrified that it'll be early and he won't be there. Because I work full time I don't know the women on base and want to know how anyone copes with this stuff. Thanks

Hi my name's Vicki. My husband joined the RAF last year just 5 wks after our son was born. Needless to say he missed out a lot on our baby's development but I was grateful he was there for the birth. We're living together again now, he's based at Brize Norton. We're now expecting our second baby, due in January. And we have been told that he is likely to be sent on detachment next year. I am absolutely gutted as I don't know if I can cope with looking after a toddler and a baby on my own! I have made 2 friends since moving here, I met them at the toddler group that I've been going to. Both of them are being transferred to different bases at the end of the year so I will be completely on my own! I'm finding this lifestyle very hard!!!

Its a very different kind of life, but at least he was in the forces when we married so I sort of knew what I was letting myself in for!
Keep going to your toddler group and you just have to think that maybe nice people will move in when your friends leave. Are they going far?
My friend (Navy wife) made toddler group friends and when they moved they still travel to each others birthday parties, I think its important for kids to realise that moving away doesn't mean leaving people behind.
Does your hubby enjoy the RAF? And does he understand what a short deal we get? We're at Brampton, Cambs
Nice to know I'm not the only one, thank you

CathyL, we were at Wyton for three years, which, as you probably know is part of the brampton/Wyton/Henlow triangle. I hated it.
You can apply for a deferment of the detachment. We did this whe DS2 was due, as Dh was supposed to be away from September until 18th December, and DS was due on the 26th December. The thing is you have to go through SSAFA to get it deferred, and many people just won't do that. Just thought i'd let you know that though.
Whereabouts in brampton do you live

Sympathy. I have been 'married in' to the RAF for 18 years.

In general people on base are very friendly and tend to be quick to offer help and support.....we have all been in the same situation IYSWIM

Will you be going back to work when the baby is born?

I forced myself to go baby/toddler groups, even though i didn't like them at first. You will probably find that there are others round you who are in the same boat.

when I last moved due to a posting I knew dh and dd and that was all. I went to a mums and toddlers group and soon made a group of friends. In the end I ended up running the thing So you have been warned......

I don't know if it's because Brize is a large base but I find that people here already have their group of friends, everyone seems to be in a clique! The two friends that I have here were outsiders like me !! I'll keep going to the toddler groups but I find it very hard to talk to some of these people! It's nice to know that not all the RAF bases are as unfriendly!

Isn't it nice to know that people have been there, done that and survived. I suppose its always hard being the new kid.
We live on Sparrow, behind the wire which is kind of nice and quiet but kind of a pain cos its such a hassle inviting friends from work round and asking them to bring ID etc.
I probably won't go back to work, partly because its doing my head in, and partly because we were due to move at Christmas but that has been deferred till next summer or about the time I would be thinking about going back to work.
I've got a summer job in the coffee shop so I can meet some people before doing the kiddy social thing full time!

Hiya where we live we have a meet a mum group i havent actually been there myself as ive not time but ive heard its very good. Its for women who are pregnant or already have children-gives them a chance to have a coffe and a chat.They even have a drop in creche if you want a bit of quiet time. You should find out what groups the millatary run there and if youve got free time on your hands perhaps you could help set up a similar group if they are up for it.

Hpoefully all will go well with your pregnancy and your baby will come on time. Im not sure if youve had a scan yet but some hospitals alow you to take in a blank video or some prob charge you for this (another money making scheme) so you can video record it and see the baby moving.

Hi I'm civillian but work with the army and as a result I see people come and go and the ups and downs they go through. I've been around to see some husbands disappear for 9mths and wives go on a journey themselves from depression to finding they can cope and that as time goes by they get used to their way of life. I help run a toddler group and we try to support women who have husbands away so talk to the people there.

I find the women that get the most help are the brave ones that talk to anyone to get to know people and make friends with lots of different types of people. Those women who only rely on 1 or 2 close friends have the most difficulties because with this transient community those friends move on and you need to start again. The more people you know the less devastaing it is when a couple move away.

im an army wife and i have to say that most places i have been with dh have been a mixture of cliques and outsiders. when i first married dh i too was working full time and didnt mix with any other wives except one. then i met another wife at work, we then got close and did lots together, then inevitabley we all parted ways. i then ended up close to 2 more people who turned out not to be the friends i thoight they were. i am now in a position where i have 1 friend, a husband with depression and a baby.

i know what it feels like to be isolated and i am having to force myself to go to mum and baby groups to try and make friends, even though i am shy.

i would advise that you do this and also see what trips etc the welfare office is running. also try Homestart, they have activities and volunteers who will come to your house for a chat, or to help you with the kids etc. they are very good.

it can be hard when dh is away and i found it easier when i was working as it passed the time, but try and get out and im sure you'll make friends at antenatal classes and weighing clinics

HI all, my Dh is in the Army... he is signals so we move about on our own all the time. I have come to the conclusion that you need to speak to asmany people as possible where you live. (we a currently on a tri service camp in Cyprus) I have 4 really good friends then loads more aquantances. My advice is to start speak ing to people neighbours, people in the Naafi and even go to to eh bar on camp (if you have one) Or get yor hubby to throw a bbq for his mates and some of there wives then once you meet there wives suggest a girlie night day out... (you can stay sober and meet and watch the ladies sussing them out ....to see who you could get along with.

HI WEVE JUST MOVED TO GERMANY FROM CYPRUS HUSBAND IS IN AGC!!

Hi CathyL. I remember being in the same situation as you 3 years ago when my first baby was born. DH went away just before she was born for 2 months, when she was 8 weeks old for 2 months and missed her first birthday too!

It's hard but make yourself go to the mums and tots groups. They are there for you rather than for the baby. You'll be surprised how quickly you'll be accepted and before you now it you'll have made friends with other wives.

We've all been there and so when it happens everyone helps each other out. Good luck

HI Mailbustacey, are you feeling any happier. love k, N , and S.xxxxxx