I just smacked DD1 on the top of the head. I think I need help.

[YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka]

She's only 3.8yo. She has a cold, she's tired and not herself, and she was squidging up her egg yolks at lunch. I told her to stop, took the plate away, she grabbed it back and (deliberately) scattered bits everywhere. So I shouted at her and smacked her on the head.

I also have a cold, as does DD2 (who's also teething), I've not slept well the past few nights (well, technically I've not had an unbroken night's sleep in about a year and a half, but who's counting?). It's no excuse really, but I seem to get wound up so easily these days.

We always seem to be in a rush or running late and I get so flustered and stressed. And while DD1 is 95% sweetness and light she can also be so infuriatingly stubborn and difficult at times (probably typical 3yo behaviour but I get exasperated with her, it always seems to be when we're already in a rush).

It wasn't a 'red mist', angry response, it was more a release of frustration. It was like I did it without thinking though. And now I feel awful, I don't ever want to hit my children. So how do I chill the fuck out??

I can fully understand why you were so stressed out. You're not well and she was pushing your buttons.

Were you on your own with her at the time? I read a great tip on MN that said to always imagine that someone is watching what you do.

Another one I have to do a lot is just leave the room to calm down.

Try and remind yourself that it's not her fault when she's a bit naughty- unfortunately they're most likely to play up when you're both poorly and both of your fuses are short.

I'm like you and I tend to get stressed when we're in a rush - interested to hear anyone's tips on that one.

If you are always rushed and late then it is because you aren't leaving enough time (I know I do it, I think that I have all the time in the world and I can just do x,y and z and I then realise that I don't). Get everything ready in advance, bags, coats etc and concentrate on not shouting and keeping everything calm. I find that it is more effective giving everyone notice and chivvying them along, we still get out in time and we are all in a better mood. Think about when your 'trigger' points are and how you can make it easier / smoother so that you don't get to the point when you are that frustrated.

Agree with happydaze about imagine someone is watching what you do. I am no saint and I did something similar to DD1 who kept trying to put her hand in her poopy pants and I smacked her hand. I felt really bad and I'm not going to do it again so I am going to try to think of different ways to manage her. She is different from her brothers and pushes things just to see what happens and isn't bothered about being told off.

I am always much calmer and patient with DD1 when in company, so pretending someone is watching is a good idea.

I do try to leave plenty of time, but everything ends up taking longer than it should! I guess I need to add an(other) extra 5 minutes 'buffer' time.

she could do a lot herself at 3. Try asking her to help you or work as a team Might help

Everyone shrieks/smacks/acts like an arse
Because we all get stressed out and knackered
Say sorry and move on

She can and does do a lot herself, in fact it's often her flat out refusal to do things that gets my blood pressure up! E.g. I ask her to put her coat and/or shoes on while I put DD2's on (to save time). I even explain that it'd be a big help to me as we need to get to [wherever], but half the time she just refuses.

I've ordered a couple of books (Playful Parenting and another one, I forget). I just want to be calmer and more positive with her.