Reasons for not having more than 2 kids/large family?

[earlycomputers]

Hi - I just wanted the advice from those parents out there who have 3 or more kids. I have two at the moment and am wondering whether to have any more at a later date. The main reason I wouldn't have any more is that I would worry about the lack of attention each child would get from me - I guess that if I have to divide my time between 3 or more, then each child would only get very diluted attention from me. Would there be less of a mother-child bond as a result?
The other reason is practical - how do you cook/shop for 5 or 6 members of the family (most recipes/cooking pans etc cater for 4 only)? And how much more expensive is another child (holidays/education/toys etc). It would concern me if the other children had a lot less because they had more siblings.
Can anyone advise or counter these fears? Thanks in advance!

Only got 2, but I keep thinking about the practicalities of 3 or more with the new car seat regulations and car sizes...

I have three. Yes, they probably do get less attention from me than if I had two, but that may really be a good thing - it encourages self-reliance, initiative and all that. Parenting experts such as Penelope Leach tend to argue that you can't be a proper parent to more than two, but I think that can be taken as an admission that their methods don't work forlarger families.

You may need some bigger cooking pans and you may decide that some recipes are disproportionately fiddly, but it's not such a big deal. A larger family might well rule out private education. For holidays, we normally go self-catering in large cottages, which do cost a little more than smaller cottages. As for toys, you probably need fewer because the children have each other, and all each other's old toys.

Does Penelope Leach really say that, Hallgerda? How f* insulting to parents of larger families if so!

I think about this quite often and would like 3 children but the reasons that you give above do concern me i.e quantity of attention split between 3/4/5. I do think it is harder to do things as a family the bigger the familiy, especailly as the children get older. My SIL has 3 children and says they always want to do differnt things.

My DP looks at the more pratical reasons as to why to stop at 2 - car seats, car size house size, holidays etc..

Er...Penelope darling..what happens if I have triplets? Do I have to give one back to the stork or face being an evil parent.

Stupid bint!

dont be insulted kathy, i too think it just shows what a pile of shite her theories are

and how she doesnt live on this planet

OK, I have 3 - all boys under 5 and I don't think they have any less attention than when there were just 2 of them. So sometimes they have to share a cuddle with one on each side, but thats not a big deal. I never think of it in terms of how much attention each gets, they are all together in the mornings, and all together at nights so I play games / read stories / bath etc etc all of them together.

On the financial side at the moment the recipes for 4 stretch to all of us as they are little, but in the future I can see salads / bread being added to each meal! As for holidays we tend to go self catering in France anyway so that hasn't changed. Toys they share and as there are 3 get bigger joint things from relatives at Christmas. Education - well there will be 3 lots of school trips etc, but they won't be doing ski-trips and probably wouldn't if there had only been 1 tbh! Childcare is expensive at the moment but thats because they are all under school age, and it will get better in September when ds1 goes to school. The only thing we really had to get was a bigger car. We needed a new one any but wouldn't have got an MPV if it wasn't for the third!
Overall I couldn't see any negatives of having the third and thats how it has worked out.

Message withdrawn

To be fair to Penelope Leach, I don't think she states explicitly that you should only have two children, but there's a rather delightful bit in one of her books (not one of the childcare manual type ones, more about children and society etc - I forget the title) saying that boys are more likely to turn to crime if they have lots of younger siblings. And there is a running assumption in 'Baby and Child' that families don't have more than two children.

I had lost all my sanity after one, so it isn't an issue

I've just had our third. Reasons not to - our house is too small, holidays tend to be for 2 adults and 2 kids (but we visit family most years so it doesn't matter).
The two older ones are at school, so ds gets all my attention during the day, and they get me more the resst of the time. TBH he gets me morenow that they did as babies because they sre close in age and were both at home. Love grows with the family. It's great to see how his arrival has enhanced their lives as well as ours.
We are managing with our existing car as the dds are big enough not to need bulky seats.
Wouldn't do private education even if we had the money, so not an issue for us.

I have three boys, the youngest are twins, and I think if I hadn't of had twins I would have ended up with two, as that was what I always wanted. Now I think, how lucky I am to have three.
Having said that, I do think three can be an awkward number, in terms of group dynamics, "two is company and three is a crowd", I think there is some truth in that, and it is easy for one to get left out, factions tend to change of course.
I think that the more children you have the better parent to probably have to be, to stretch yourself that little bit further, so I think alot depends on that.
Talking to adults who come from a larger family, they tend to be split about whether it was a good thing. I come from four, and feel that although I wouldn't change them, I have sometimes lost out in terms of one on one time with my parents. My husband comes from four and loved it.
Lastly, financially, in terms of baby equip, as long as you have kept stuff, it is not going to be that much more expensive, but we are in a three bedroom house and want to move to a four bed at some point, and that is a big leap financially. I like children sharing rooms when young, but it would be nice to have an extra room at some point.
Hope this helps.
p.s penelope is talking out of her ar*se!