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Original poster

To just want to rant - DH & new baby

17 replies

cookiemonster100 · 16/11/2013 15:07

Hi all,

I just need to let of steam. I have a 2 week old which had to be delivered by emergency section. DH is home currently on leave.

He was brilliant in the first week, looking after me but now I could throttle him & wish he would just go back to work & get out from under my feet. He keeps bleeting on how tired he is, he generally sleeps in in the morning, has had afternoon naps. It's so bloody annoying. I knew he would get bored looking after us. I am getting so frustrated with him. Yesterday while he napped I looked after our little one, did an online food shop & put laundry away. I count one hand how many meals he has cooked as my mum has brought dinner for us most nights. The bin is over flowing with dirty nappies as has to change the bin liner. I can't leave him to get on with things he needs reminding to do jobs. Aargh! I could literally throttle him!!

I feel so stuck as I can't drive anywhere for another month so feel cooped up with this moron.

Rant over thanks for reading x

OP posts:

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fieldfare · 16/11/2013 15:11

Have you told him how frustrated he's making you feel? Ask him to actually look around at the house and see what needs doing for himself, as you're not his mother too and he shouldn't need a list.

Congratulations on the baby though :)

Haggisfish · 16/11/2013 19:52

I could drive after two weeks - most insurance companies say as long as you can emergency stop, you're ok - phone to check.

Flibbertyjibbet · 16/11/2013 20:09

I know someone did an emergency stop after 3 weeks and her scar ruptured. Not worth the risk imo.

My insurance company said ok if I got a doctor to state that I was ok to drive. Doctor said there is a reason why you have to wait 6 weeks after major abdominal surgery and would not give the ok. So, as I wasn't insured, I could nto drive.

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SteamWisher · 16/11/2013 21:34

You need to spell out to him that he is being useless.

star15 · 16/11/2013 21:47

My DH was the same, always saying how tired etc he was although he was going to be bed and getting a full 8 hours sleep, after advise from my mother I let him take control for 24hrs (it killed me not to take our little girl from him if she was unsettled) but once he had done the night feeds, tidy the house, made tea etc he has helped out more.

Good luck and congratulations.

rosiedays · 16/11/2013 21:55

deep breath :)

mustardtomango · 16/11/2013 22:12

Not sure if you're actually seeking advice, but my tactic through exactly the same was to agree to write a list if what needed doing and pinning it to the fridge. That way, he could see how much I saw as outstanding, and just pick things off without me actually needing to ask him (read nag)

Hermione123 · 17/11/2013 14:01

Hugs to you, and I agree about deliberately putting him in charge for a stretch to get it, when you feel up to it, get someone to take you out for a hair cut or something. Sounds trying...you could also just pull him up on how silly he's being as he makes each statement.

roweeena · 17/11/2013 14:54

I completely understand for the last 6 weeks since DS2 was born DH has been constantly tired and unwell with various sniffles, excezma, allergies. He drives me mad! Try giving birth and breastfeeding throughout the night!!! Grrrrr rant over x

Brandnewmamma · 17/11/2013 15:08

I am not long after a section.. Feel your pain.. I would hold off the driving for the minute. If you are not breastfeeding or you can express.. Send him off with your little baby for a while and you chill out.

The novelty does wear off. I find it hard with mine under my feet so I give him jobs. I still have to spell out stuff to be done. I batch cooked enough for a month though and will continue to do that.. Saves hassle, money, washing up.

Mine said he would rather be at work.

Brandnewmamma · 17/11/2013 15:11

I would not put up with him napping though..you go up to bed first and tell him to keep the noise down !! Have you a health nurse that visits? Mine told my dh I need to rest and he got the message.

confusedabouted · 17/11/2013 18:03

do you other dc?if not why cant you both nap when the baby naps?

Mamabear12 · 17/11/2013 20:32

well, at least he is home to help! my husband did not take paternity leave! he helps on occasion - but our baby is 3 weeks old and i can count on one hand the number of bottles/diapers he has changed! but at least he has cooked dinner a few times :) wish he would take more interest in helping with newborn. he does help more with our 21 month daughter though

Jaffakake · 17/11/2013 20:54

Give him a list. Admit you need him to help, tell him what to do. The odds are you're dead capable & he's feeling inferior!

confusedabouted · 17/11/2013 22:08

some people just need to be told what to do,not just men.Put a list somewhere of stuff that needs doing and let him do it at his own pace,youve only just had a baby try not to worry too much about stuff like that if you can help it.

Craftyjessicat · 18/11/2013 16:07

I know exactly how you feel, my DP is useless and despite my attempts at talking to him continues to be so.

Our DD is 5.5 months now and though he plays with her and does bath and bed a couple of times a week I still have to ask him to change her nappy! He does hardly anything around the house and seems to expect a round of applause when he does actually do a bit of washing up (which I usually have to rewash anyway) or cooks dinner.

I've gone on strike from picking up his dirty washing now- if he can't be arsed to put it in the laundry basket despite my repeated requests then I'm not going to wash it!
Urghh I could rant about this all day and sometimes it makes me seriously question our relationship which makes me sad.
Talk to him as soon as you can 'cause it'll only get worse once he goes back to work and he expects you to do everything because you're not working and you'll end up screaming in your head how you hate him like I do

purplemurple1 · 18/11/2013 16:34

I'd talk to him quickly, what is his justification for not doing 50% while your both off work?

Re going back yes he works FT and presumably needs to be awake to do that but from when he gets home to when you both go to bed he should be doing half of what needs to be done, so you can try to sit down fo five mins together occasionally.

We had the issue for a few days after I came home from a trip with my 2 month old, needless to say a list of jobs daily/weekly/monthly is on the fridge, and I've started a schedule of feeds and naps and what needs to be done when waking, going to bed so at no point can OH claim he doesn't know what needs to be done or how to do it. Plus I've backed off, and left him to it for a couple of monrings/afternoons and said to amend/ignore the schedules as he ses fit as they aren't set in stone. Tbjh though the fact that I go away fro 3 days in 2 weeks, without the baby is proving a great incentive for us both to make sure he has some idea what to do.
Could you plan to go out overnight or the weekend in a few months?

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