5 year old swearing and asking what swear words mean- normal?

[Curbyourlassitude]

I've never heard my mum swear, I never swear, DH never swears in front of Dc and today my 5 year old swore at my 2 year old. I ignored it the first time. When she repeated it the second time I told her off quite firmly (saying I didn't want her saying that word) which made her cry. She was very tired and although I reiterated that it was not her fault she just got very upset and said she didn't want her bed time story. She fell asleep in seconds when I left the room. She's never gone to sleep on a bad note before.

I handled it badly but I'm so sad and shocked she is using "Fuck off" at 5. We got through Foundation without it being an issue but now she says a playground with older children I assume she is hearing them say it.

Is it normal for 5 year olds to start picking up swear words at school (or is it just the school she goes to). I don't remember ever hearing swearing at my (very small country)school so don't know if I have a distorted perspective.

I know some people will say it's just a word and what am I getting so upset about but she is so young (and I want her to stay young for a while longer) and I don't my 2 year old copying her.

She seems to know she shouldn't be saying it and won't reveal where she heard it.

Hi -
I've worked with primary children for over twenty years, and is isn't really usual for very young ones to use swear words. I assume she is Yr1? Staff in most schools are pretty strict on clamping down on swearing, get sent to the Head etc. But I've worked in schools in deprived areas, where parents wouldn't think anything wrong with swearing in front of, or at, babies or toddlers. I've heard a Reception boy proudly say "I can spell S-E-X". And on a hot afternoon a little boy and girl (probably Reception, but not necessarily the same boy) were lying next to each other on the playground, and he announced, to anyone within earshot, "I'm sexing her." So OK, they don't really know what it means, but they certainly do know they shouldn't be saying it - and that's the big attraction for them!

The trouble is these days it's so common on TV, Gordon Ramsey for one, and plays (maybe only after 9pm, but I wouldn't guarantee that).

As with most things children shouldn't do, making a big issue of it probably encourages them to do it more.

Monitor it, and if it does get worse, try and insist she tells you where she heard it, and if you think it necessary, tell the teacher. But hopefully she won't use it much more.

Thanks for taking time to reply Ferguson.

This is a school in a deprived area ( we will shortly be moving area and schools) and the parents swear a lot at the school gates so I know children are being exposed to it at a young age.

In fact I once heard an anecodote from the mouth of another local Headteacher who said that during the school nativity she heard a phone ring. One of the women in the audience answered the phone only to tell the caller "Sorry I can't talk now I'm at the fucking nativity"!

I agree swearing is more widespread on TV these days but we stick to children's channels whilst the children are awake so they never hear swearing at home.

I will follow your advice and try to ignore and will see if it carries on.

Hiya - I would agree with not making it into a big issue. When dss started swearing I would just say - really casually, like I didn't care - oh, that's a new word, where did you learn that? And he would tell me without questioning it.

Then I would tell him it was a grown ups only word and I would rather he didn't use it until he was 16. Seems to have worked.

I know the temptation to tell off and have done it in moments of tiredness etc but I don't think it works wih swear words. They are doing it for a reaction IMO.

As far as 'what swear words mean' goes, at 5, it is enough to say they are words people used when they are really trying to hurt someone's feelings. She sounds like quite a sensitive little sprite and that will probably be enough to stop her repeating it (esp to those she loves).

Thanks all. Yes DD is sensitive and I think she's upset because she doesn't really know what the words mean but feels compelled to experiment with them.

I hardly ever tell her off like that which is one of the reasons she got upset and not knowing the power of her words (for me) she probably doesn't really know why I was cross.

She hasn't raised the subject since but if she does I think I will tell her that some words can really hurt people's feelings as you suggested Shouty

Something when I was a kid my sister would start saying fuck off to my parents when she got angry this stopped when my sister got a SNES I don't know maybe she just needed to feel compassion for others. One thing was sure she is a major ChronoTrigger fanirl? I am not saying it will help in your case but the same thing happened its weird? And I shouldn't talk I am a pokemon fanboy too. A memorable character that you feel attached to whether sport, music, videogame, TV, movies and board games a character that you feel attached to can stay with you your whole life.