3yo hurting baby sister. Really struggling!

[marzipananimal]

DS is 3.2 and DD is 4months. Before she was born I had no worries about DS's behaviour with her. He was sensible and gentle and has never been the type of toddler to randomly whack others or be aggressive. For the first 2 months ish he was perfect with her - liked little cuddles, would entertain her if I was out of the room, and was careful and gentle around her.
Over the last month or 2 he has started being quite rough, mainly squashing or squeezing her but occasionally pinching, hitting or even biting :( His behaviour in general is fairly good for his age I think (though I definitely found him easier at 2 than 3), but this issue is really getting me down. He can be very affectionate with her sometimes too though.
I can't understand why he does it. I asked him earlier why he'd hurt her and he said it was because he wanted to play with her.

I think I'm giving him as much attention as I reasonably can, and I encourage him to interact with her in positive ways eg making her laugh or amusing her by doing a dance. What else can I do?

you need to keep baby out of his way.

lots of reasons he might be doing it... maybe he resents her taking up your time, maybe he is enjoying the attention even if it's negative, maybe he is just working out that he can do these things and affect another person...

ultimately though you need to keep baby safe, so in a sling, or in a playpen or something where he can't get to her to hurt her.

you can also spend time with the both of him stressing that when you are near the baby you use "gentle hands" and model gentle touching

I don't want to have to segregate them if at all avoidable, plus i'm not sure it's practical when I'm looking after them by myself most of the time. Sling wouldn't work - he doesn't like me having her in it and she's not very keen either. Play pen could be a good idea although I doubt there are any he couldn't climb into

Is he actually hurting her each time? I only say because dd1 has done a lot of squeezing etc to dd2 but very rarely hurts her I watch like a hawk just in case. We have a slightly smaller age gap dd1 was 2.1 when dd2 was born now 8 months.

If he is actually hurting her then I think its going to be a case of dd being somewhere safe all the time - this is the reason I spend so much time out of the house dd2 in pushchair and dd1 walking with me chatting = everyone happy (mostly) and safe.

In dd's case I have said be gentle 100x a day and doesn't seem to sink in still. We have had one biting occasion where dd1 has hurt dd2 and a few minor head bumps or toy snatches but other than that, even though she is very rough imo she hasn't actually hurt dd2 - dd2 loves her being what I think is too rough most of the time too can't stop giggling.

you'll need to segregate them if he's hurting her - if you popped out of the room and he bit her or hurt her really hard you'd never forgive yourself.

for the moment, never ever leave them unattended - strap him in a highchair/buggy if necessary (i.e if you need toilet or shower) with toys if you think he will climb into a play pen.

I think you can crack this pretty quickly though - here's some tips that worked for me.

I suggest from now, once a week, you give him a present from the baby, wrapped up and make a huge deal about how much she loves her big brother.

Try and do everything together (with your supervision) feed them together, bath them together, put them in the big bed for cuddles with you together - this is when he will start to realise that she will always be there.

Every morning and night hold the baby up to his cheek and say she wants to kiss you good night/good morning and say 'baby loves you so much, you're such a special boy' - essentially, reinforcing how special HE is through her.

Every day ask him to give his sister a cuddle - make a HUGE deal and a fuss over this - oh you're SO special, what a lovely cuddle - he then should keep doing it without being asked because of the praise - it's become a lovely habit for my ds now.

Read these books to him - they are brilliant.

I'm a new big brother - www.amazon.co.uk/I%C2%92m-New-Big-Brother-Princess/dp/1409313743/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1384373466&sr=8-2&keywords=new+baby+brother+books

The new baby - www.amazon.co.uk/The-Baby-Usborne-First-Experiences/dp/0746066651/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1384373901&sr=8-6&keywords=new+baby+brother+books

Teeth are not for biting - www.amazon.co.uk/Teeth-are-Biting-Best-Behavior/dp/1575421283/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384373942&sr=8-1&keywords=teeth+are+not+for+biting

Hands are not for hurting - www.amazon.co.uk/Hands-Hitting-Best-Behavior-Series/dp/157542200X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1384373969&sr=8-2&keywords=teeth+are+not+for+biting

If you keep reinforcing good behaviour and reward him things will change. When he goes to bed, tell him what a special, loving big brother he is every night (even if he's being a horror!) and if you can at weekends spend a couple of hours just the two of you - take him to soft play/park so it's just one on one.

Good luck

Thanks, some good tips there.
Often he doesn't actually hurt her - sometimes she finds it funny when he rolls on her, and even the worst times when he's made her cry, it hasn't been a dangerous hurt iyswim.
I think I need to get out the house more but i'm so knackered!