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have I done the right thing?

6 replies

curlysmum · 10/07/2006 13:54

see below I copied this from a thread I started in other subjects to which I had a few replies,

I did tell the nursery manager what I knew as she is a Child Protection officer as well, and she called my childminder into her offices on Friday and had someone taking notes to verify what I told her, now my childminder is not very happy with me and apparently my childminder has had the Father of the children ringing her from France and he is furious saying this was a private arrangement. I now feel awful and although I do feel it was the right thing , I feel very devious , maybe I should have told the chindminder how I felt about this.

I'm in a dilema, my daughter who is 4 has attended the same nursery and childminder as another little girl for the last year, along with the the little girls sister who goes to the other part of the nursery for smaller children. The girls are 3 and 4 years of age.
This is quite a complicated situation..their mother is Brazillian , my childminder has never met her she lives abroad she was told in France , their father is Nigerian, he told the childminder he lived in the UK but works in France, coming back each weekend. They are cared for by a young girl who told the childminder she was a cousin, they live quite a mixed up routine always being picked up by different au -pairs ,they have moved address two -three times , they are very beautiful,boisterous and outgoing but very demanding and obvoiusly lacking in affection. Now my childminder has noticed over the last few months they hardly mention their father he does not come back at the weekend etc, he has been late in paying the childminder and the girl who cares for them said they had to move out of the flat they were staying in due to lease problems? last week the father rang my childminder and was told by him thast the girl we thought was there cousin is not a relative at all just a girl he found through an agency, she wants to go to uni and he asked my childminder would she take the girls said he will pay very well, she did'nt say how much but said it was alot of money.
My childminder is in her late fifties with grown up children this is not something she would want to do , she said the father is really pleading with her, I just think this is so sad, and if the father is to be believed he said he lives in a big house in France with the mother, why on earth would you leave two lovely girls on there own in another country, of course I know in some cultures this is not unusual.
Sorry this is so long my daughter finishs the nursery in two weeks and I just worry what will happen to them, would you ring Social Services I am wary of doing this , would I have to give my name?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
heavenis · 10/07/2006 14:06

Maybe you should have talked through with the child minder first what you plan was.
But I think you have the childrens interests at heart.
If they are being cared for as they should then this will be found out. If how ever you are correct and they are not being looked after properly then steps can be made to make sure they are cared for. What if something had happened to them you wouldn't have forgiven yourself.
Your child minder might have taken on the responablity for them full time and been paid very well,but what if he doesn't pay for them after all he's stopped visiting at weekends.

bobblehead · 10/07/2006 18:48

I think you did what you thought best for the children, so whether or not there was a better way of handling things (and I'm not saying there was) you did the right thing.

TheLadyVanishes · 10/07/2006 19:00

you did what you thought was right and probably what a lot of other people would do, don't give yourself a hard time over it. In some respects I think your childminder herself should have brought this to the authorities attention (she may have been planning to who knows) at the end of the day its about the childrens welfare and nothing else

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curlysmum · 10/07/2006 21:11

I am thinking I did the right thing although I guess I am just dissapointed that my CM did'nt think this.I'm now doubting her character which is terrible as she has been looking after my daughter for three years , but it now makes me wonder does she have the kids best interest at heart or is it just a money thing , as I know she was'nt really interseted in reporting it. Also the nursery lady led me to believe she would look into it sensitively not call my CM in to a meeting without warning and have someone there officially taking notes. I guess you live and learn about this type thing. now my CM is just going on that they will be taken into care etc , what an awful thing to happen, and I feel like the bad guy.

OP posts:
LaDiDaDi · 10/07/2006 21:43

You are not the bad guy! This sounds like a very complicated situation and you did the right thing by alerting professionals to your concerns about these little girls.

hex · 10/07/2006 21:51

I think you absolutely did the right thing. Ask your childminder did she think it was right for the situation to persist as it had been doing and that at the end of the day the little girls' welfare is paramount. If she doesn't understand this, then frankly I would not be happy using her either. A difficult one for her because of course her judgement may be fine in your child's situation (where there are conscientious parents to monitor things)...but even so.. Neing in care might be more stable than what the poor girls' were getting anyway

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