Gut instinct on other parents.

[muminaquandary]

There are a couple I came across a while ago when No 1 was a a few months old. They really pushed themselves into being friends with us, and I instinctively distrusted them from early on, to the extent of having bad dreams about them & discussing them both with Mum, PILs. There were a couple of strange things that happened that I didn't like, eg they bitched about my babysitter & also the Mum said that she didn't like being a parent, felt like hitting her DD & DS sometimes when they got too much.

I know lots of people say these sorts of things in a supportive environment because others often empathise or might offer to help out. I instead just felt uncomfortable that they had chosen to confide in us when we hardly knew them. Things came to a head over a petty conversation when they questioned our child's behaviour & I pretty much shut the door on any possible friendship, esp with her. She then found some new friends & is very close to a couple of other acquaintances of mine, one of whom I like a lot but can't fathom her absolute faith and trust in the other (imo wierd) woman, ie they do babysitting swaps etc.

I have now heard that they are under investigation for possible abuse of their younger one. I feel sick to the stomach, but also somehow implicated and guilty: I will not repeat to anyone the fact that they are under investigation because I know that the social svces can make mistakes themselves, and I refuse to aid the spread of gossip.

Not really looking for any answers but won't spk to anyone in RL about it because these things just gain credence the more they are repeated.

How incredibly upsetting for you MIAQ. Mumsnet can really come into its own for those times when you cannot discuss a situation in real life without exacerbating an already bad situation.
Try not to feel implicated and guilty - understandable though that is. You saw or heard nothing specific to suggest child abuse. The only example you give is that she once said to you she felt like hitting her children. I think most of us have felt like that at some point and often say as such to friends we can trust to understand.
You are right not to discuss the investigation with anyone who doesn't already know about it though. Social Services will hopefully do their job, help the children and also the parents get their lives back on track.

thanks Marina

Poor you - any hint of child abuse and we all worry but when it is so close to home it must be 100 times worse. I am not surprised at all that you are feeling like this but Marina is right - try not to feel guilty as you couldn't possibly have known.

It is just so strange feeling instinctively so uncomfortable around someone & then having your worst fears confirmed, to an extent.

I can't describe the feelings they raised with any great logic except to say that I found them over nosy / judgemental / lacking in respect for privacy - but I used to physically feel bad around them, eg sweating, trembling. But I also hate to pre-judge, esp with something so serious as this.