older children and co-sleeping

[TwoTearsInABucket]

i just thought I would canvas opinion on my situation with my 6 and 4 year old.
DS (6) has been coming into our bed every night since he was about 3. He normally goes to DH's side, so I don't notice. DH loves it and doesn't want to deny him this. DS is very worried about where we are in the house all the time and needs to know where we are at all times. Fair enough.
DD (4), since she has been put on the bottom bunk bed, has been coming into our bed as well, so this has been going on for about 2 months now. On my side. Generally I shovel her over to the middle so DH has both of them so to speak.
I can't see this scenario coming to an end any time soon and I get so tired that half the time I don't notice them coming in, I just let them, or i move to the spare bed - i love having a double bed to myself!
Without going through some pretty tough love I can't see that they will stop doing it. DH thinks they will grow out of it! I am not so sure...

DC3 is due in a week. This sleeping issue could go either way. i am in denial about the whole thing.

How would you manage this situation?

I am not historically a "co-sleeper" but my 5.5 yr old has been suffering from bad dreams over the last year and either coming into bed or having to be taken downstairs each night. Recently we put a mattress on the floor in our room and this seems to be working as a compromise - now she only comes up once or twice a week.

Might that work?

Of course they will grow out of it! I'm from another country ( think scandi land) and it is really normal for children to co-sleep with their parents. Most of my friends children stopped from the ages of 6-11. I should add that beds are on average much bigger- which helps, I'm sure!

I find it odd that as adults it is assumed that we will bed share with our partners, yet children and babies are expected to sleep alone. We all need physical comfort regardless of our age.

DS1 co-slept until he was about 4 and DS2 still does at 3.5.

However, if the situation wasn't working for whatever reason I would move to change it. I think you need to speak to your DH about it and agree a united approach. You are going to be pretty tired with a new baby, so you need to decide how you want to proceed.

Are you likely to decamp to the spare room with the baby? That could work in the short term, especially in order to avoid any association with the baby arriving and you older children being kicked out so to speak. Once the baby is established, you could tackle the co-sleeping issue as you and your DH decide.

I would just move to the spare bed and let them crack on.

Unless you have an enormous bed

It ends eventually and there'll come a time when you have to shoe horn them out of their own beds.

Yes, I would let it lie for a bit tbh with a new baby coming. You take the spare bed with the baby and let dh have the kids. Anything you try now is bound to regress with a new baby upsetting things.

My twins came into bed with us in the middle of the night till they were nearly 5 (a couple of weeks ago!). In the end, I'd had enough of the night-time shenanigans of waking up uncomfortable because I was being squished out of bed and having to move beds (into the kids' narrow beds, cold duvet etc). So we cracked it and it took less than a week (just putting them back into their beds, or sleeping in their beds for a bit). I am sleeping a lot better, with no interruptions when dh doesn't snore.

We have a kingsize bed, but sometimes it just isn't big enough! I don't mind them coming in, and I don't mind heading off to the spare bed tbh. I love the space! And DD will tend to follow me anyway.

Sometimes I just have this horrible vision of 2 teenagers in bed with us.

I think I will have to decamp to the spare room with the new baby. DS gets very upset by babies or children crying so night times could be a problem. He really needs his dad at the moment so I am loath to stop him going into our bed.

I talk about it with my mum and she is a bit pursed lipped about the whole thing. Oh well, they aren't going into bed with her so no worries.

You have reassured me that we aren't mad, thanks

Well from what you say;

DH loves it
The children obviously prefer it
You're ok with it

So just ignore anyone else's opinions! You can have the spare room with the baby, and just work things out as you go along.

Musical beds in our house too. I think it is more common than we imagine, many families with young children are juggling sleep arrangements. I want Peaches Geldof's nine foot bed! My two dds sleep either side of me (6 and 8) as they always have. DH is on a single added onto the side, he was in the girls' room for a while. All the families I know who co-slept with older children found that they moved out before 11 and would only very occasionally creep back in, if say their Dad was away, that sort of thing, just to feel cosy and safe. Humans like to sleep near other humans, it is all normal , however it works for you is fine.