I'm being pathetic - please tell me 6.5mo DD will survive me missing bedtime!

[CityDweller]

Tomorrow I have an event that means I'll miss ebf DD's (6.5 mo) bedtime. Up until now she's had a breastfeed last thing (not to sleep, she goes down awake now) - it's a lovely snuggly feed and helps her calm down if she's overtired (often the case) and generally relax. The past five days we've had a go with DH putting her to bed, cup feeding her the bedtime feed (she's never taken a bottle). First two nights were a disaster and I had to step in and bf her to calm her down. The last night and tonight he managed to get her to sleep, but it involved a lot of rocking a very frustrated crying baby.

I feel so terrible about all of the above, yet I know that's a bit pathetic. I feel bad that I'm destroying DD's previously lovely, relaxed bedtime routine that used to end in her self-settling to sleep. I feel bad for making my DH do something that's a bit stressful. And I miss putting her to bed at night. I'm also worried that even though it's been ok the past two nights, that it'll go disastrously wrong tomorrow night, yet I'll be a 2-hr train ride away.

I'm not usually of this disposition - so please slap some sense into me...

To be honest if this is a one off thing then I think you are making it into far more of a big deal then it is. I would have kept things normal and then just had the one night without you there, then back to normal when you got back and not bothered with days of stressing everyone out.

Your dd will be fine, she might cry a bit but in my experience dd settles for dp much quicker when I am out the house then if I am lurking about in another room. Your dh will just have to cope and I am sure he will manage :)

I do know how you feel. I no longer bf but did bf dd to sleep until 18 months and I always avoided being away at bed time unless it was unavoidable. However, the few times I was away it was enevitably absolutely fine and never once as bad as I had imagined.

You're right - it has ended up being a bigger deal than intended. We thought we'd just try DH putting her to bed a few nights ago to make sure it was ok, then when it was a disaster we decided to keep on trying - if it continued to be a disaster then I could have pulled out of event. It probably would have been more sensible just to do it cold-turkey tomorrow, but I don't think DH would have been comfortable with that.

Anyway, I know everyone will be fine. It's me that is/ will be most upset about it.

It's always a weird feeling being away from an ebf baby - but she will be fine - presumably you will be back later on so if she is upset she will get a feed later

PersonallyI think at 6 months it's good practise to get dad to settler her to be honest - it will be helpful to you if you have sleep problems as she gets older that he can do night wakings .... she is with her daddy not left alone ! She will fall asleep in the end ....and she is getting lots I cuddles and comfort - I would advise you don't call to check in ! If she has a bit of a cry better you don't know !

Just to add - I ebf with no bottles for 8 months but from v early days ie a few weeks - I got my partner to do bedtime by rocking / singing Etc - I just couldn't always face doing the endless feeds and settling after a long day with the baby - so I would feed then hand over ds still awake ... Dp would dance around with him in a dark room !

I was glad we persisted with that - although if course feeding to sleep is lovely I really liked being able to get him to sleep other ways ....

So you aren't doing anything wrong in my book!