Grumpy cross 5 year old - all the time!

[jingham]

I was wondering if any if you had any safe words of advice please!?

My 5 year old son is very loving, fun, energetic and playful but increasingly grumpy, angry, tearful, argumentative and emotional.

He argues with us almost constantly over everything from the smallest to biggest issues. There's always a "but Dad..." every time I ask him something. It's impossible to reason with him as he has an answer for everything. I try to be firm and fair but it's not working!

I try so hard to stay calm but it gets to the point where it becomes impossible. If I walk away he starts crying, saying that makes him cross or sad even though I've explained his behaviour makes me feel the same.

I don't expect him at his age to show great empathy but he appears to have no regard for how he makes others feel.

He tells his younger sister off all the time and says "Dad tell her not to do that". I explain he's not the boss and to worry about himself but that just leaves him more frustrated.

Often his first or second sentence of the morning is argumentative and he cries within minutes. But then he says he loves me so much - what a roller coaster! It does vary for no apparent reason but most mornings are difficult. I get to work feeling mentally exhausted like I've been emotionally beaten in a boxing ring!

We moved house in the Summer so he's having to make new friends and get used to a new school in year 1 but he seems happy and says he's not worried about anything.

He's such a fun boy when he's on form and loves being physical but increasingly when I suggest stuff to do he just sighs and says "that's boring" or some similar retort.

I just want to help him become happier! That would help us all as at the moment I'm not enjoying being with them as much as I should!

Sorry for the rant - thanks for reading - he's probably quite normal but I can't imagine other kids are as cross and grumpy as this!

I meant sage words of advice rather than safe!

I think a lot of 5-year-olds can be grumpy .

Mine is bossy too and its taken time for him to realise that he's not responsible for other people behaving. when he went through a phase of giving others into trouble, I gave him permission to tell me about it ( not give the other person into trouble) and then thanked him for letting me know. It also acknowledged that he was good to spot naughty behaviour and want to fix it. It also seemed to help break the cycle of him feeling personally affronted every time someone else misbehaved.

As for being grumpy in the mornings, I know this is an obvious question, but is he tired? My ds is a nightmare if he's tired or hungry. He has a complete personality change. Our best mornings are when he can play quietly with his toys before anyone makes any demands of him (eg to eat, wash, get dressed) or when he can draw. Cartoons or games are a recipe for disaster on school mornings

If anyone has a solution to 'that's boring' then I'll be keen to hear it! My ds can sometimes be coaxed out of it with dancing ie physically picking him up and dancing with him until he's in a more receptive mood

I think he probably is tired sometimes, yes. We put him to bed at 7 every night as we have done every night of his life, but recently he's been saying he can't get to sleep so can be awake until 8. But he never sleeps later than about 6.45. He does find school very tiring but I can't think of any other way of getting him more sleep!

I do use all the techniques I can think of to distract and lighten his mood but I'll try your tips thank you.

I guess he is pretty normal but surely 5 should be a fun age to be!!

Disengage with the moaning. Don't try to cheer him up. It sounds like he gets attention for grumping. I think ignore any bad tempered stuff. Children need to learn that constant grumpiness and negativity is just as bad as naughtiness because it's selfish. He's too young to fully get that but not too young to learn that it switches people off.

Hi I don't know if you're still on this but just wondering if your child ever received any kind of diagnosis or if things got better as he must be about 10/11 now? You have pretty much described my son, who is 5 just now

Different things work for me. Sometimes TV, sometimes humour, sometimes we do a restart — they get sent back to his room to start the day over. My latest technique is kids’ yoga. We do the DVD together and everyone feels more relaxed and calmer.
Sometimes you might have to put on your best calm voice and say something like, “Let me know when you are ready to talk to me in a respectful voice.” Ignore those scowling glances as he follows your movements throughout the kitchen. Disregard those stomping footsteps down the hallway. You are not playing that game. Trust me, I have to tell myself that repeatedly: “I’m not playing this game. I’m not playing this game.” He is seeking out attention in an inappropriate way. When he is calmer, teach him ways of expressing his emotions that are respectful to those people around him. Try to pinpoint and name what he is feeling in an empathic tone, encouraging him to talk.
If this fails, go with the dropping-him-at-Grandma’s-and-having-a-glass-of-wine option.