Naughty 22 month old

[Alibongo33]

My dd is almost 22 months old and is very naughty. My mum says its the normal amount of naughtiness for her age though but I'm worried she is going to be nasty when she is older.

Today she hasn't done anything I have asked her to. Took the toast out of the hand of a little boy at playgroup and ate it. Hit and scratched me when I told her off. Had a tantrum because it wasn't time to do colouring at playgoup and pulled off my glasses and threw them on the floor. scratched at her little brother's face. ( He is a demanding baby due to health problems so may be something to do with it)

she is so independent and high spirited, other mums have told me she is bossy and just barges her way into other childrens games. She never lets me help her dress, cut her food up etc. She has a tantrum.

She is never loving, never cuddles or kisses even when she is poorly.

I am worried she hates me and is going to be a thug and a bully when she is older.

How should I discipline her? What should I do? I have tried naughty step, timeout, distraction, taking her away from situations. She doesn't seem to be bothered by any of this. I have even tapped her hand a couple of times and she just grins at me.

Why doesn't she love me?

She does love you - what does she get when she does all these things? Your attention. If you can, make sure she is getting some one on one time with you each day and it's not all about the baby. Oh and don't listen to other people labelling her bossy - she's barely more than a baby herself and wouldn't understand that she is "barging in" - she just sees something she would like to join in with. Don't underestimate how much it affects little ones when a sibling arrives - they often get frustrated and aggressive but it doesn't mean they're going to be a thug.

Don't worry too much about not showing affection - at that age my son only wanted to receive hugs, not give them. Now I can't leave the house without a big smooch on the lips.

I think she's too young for the naughty step though, you will just have to go with removing her from situations for a bit.

Sorry you've had a tough day - my 20 month old has just discovered the tantrum, so I feel your pain,

Totally normal for her age. It doesn't mean she's being naughty at all.

She won't have a concept that someone else's toast isn't free for the taking because to her she is the one and only person in the universe. You don't need to punish her, you just take the toast off her, give it back to the boy and say firmly "Not DD's. Tommy's" and steer her towards a snack that she can have. She will eventually understand the difference between things that are hers and things that belong to other people, just keep telling her gently and firmly.

Perhaps look for a less structured playgroup where the colouring and/or other activities are always out rather than having set times she has to adhere to - it's a lot to take in. Again, don't punish a tantrum. If she's bothering other people or breaking things then take her away from the area, but then you just let the tantrum run its course.

Scratching a baby sibling is also very normal, unfortunate for the baby of course! This is one situation where friends of mine have used time out for that particular incident but you can also encourage nice behaviour by really praising her when she is nice to the baby, and being sympathetic/empathetic with her by saying "I know it's really frustrating. DS takes up a lot of mummy's time and you want me to play with you. You wish I could play all the time." Just that - not "But it's okay because XYZ" or "I played with you the other day, that was good, wasn't it?" - just validate her feelings. It's okay for her to feel frustrated or sad about things - it's a pretty valid reason to be upset! And that's okay. You don't have to make everything okay for her, mainly because you can't.

If you can, try to make sure you do have some time for just the two of you in the day too. Just 15 minutes guaranteed every day would be so important to her, especially if it's part of a predictable routine.

Leave the punishments. The best way to deal with her behaviour at her age is to show her what you want/expect her to do and keep steering and reminding and putting boundaries in place to back that up (putting boundaries in ways like not letting her eat the toast by giving it back to the other child, or saying that felt tips can only be used in one room only when you're watching her and have to go into a high up box at other times, or insisting she is strapped into a pushchair when by a busy road, that kind of thing. Not punishing.)

Tell her that you love her at every opportunity. She does love you. Not all children are "cuddly"!