Despairing Mum

[kkgirl]

We're having massive problems with DS2 at the moment. He is rude, disrespectful, defiant and every night this week except one we have had fall outs. Last night he called me a retard because I was driving to his football training on the motorway and couldn't hear what he was saying. Then he wonders why I am not going to let him spend any of his money at the Mall. Massive problems with him all evening and I threatened that he wouldn't attend his own birthday party tomorrow. I wish I was strong enough to carry the threat through, but that would be cruel. However, it is getting so bad, he has a twin sister and I have an older boy, they are both strong willed as well, that last night I really lost it big time, how I didn't hit him I don't know, but I did shout and screech at him, he makes us lose control with his defiance. I wish that we could find someone to help, the doctor wouldn't do anything, he is an angel as school and outside, its at home we have the problems.

Can anyone suggest what to do?? He's 10 by the way.

My niece is ten - eleven in August - and is also going through a really defiant, rude stage. My in laws are at their wits end and have had terrible fights with her. She has turned into a rude child who must always have the last word.
Their way of dealing with it is removing of things she really wants. They warn her and then if she ignores them, they take away the mobile phone, sleep-overs, trips away etc. They realised that their main problem is that they weren't following through with their threats and were giving in. Or threatening things that weren't really realistic. You threatened DS with not having a birthday party, but I'm pretty sure you didn't really mean to follow through with that, and I'm sure he knew it too.
If you threaten him with consequences for his behaviour you have to be prepared to follow through, no matter what. If not they know you don't really mean what they say and they loose respect for you. To be honest you're wasting your time getting in to an argument over things. Your word is the last one and that's it. What's to negotiate?
Just my ideas on the subject. Know it's hard, but think you have to stand firm.

i know how you feel!!! my son is 10 (see link teenager at 10)
dont give threats that affect you thats my tip
my son loves going to his nanas (he goes for the weekend about 5 times a year) my husband used to say if you carry on your not going to your nanas, but i explained to hubby that we need him to go to his nanas gives us all a break so now we take gadgets off him instead

I know that you are right, it is just so hard, and it was unreasonable to threaten him with his party, but he is a little . I love him and wouldn't be without him but he is so defiant. My DH and I have just had a talk with him and offered to let him go if he is good tonight, but he will be grounded tonight, and any presents or money he gets will be kept back. He accepts this and we will have to see, but we do need to be stronger, but it is hard, because if you ground them etc it is you who suffer the most!!!!

Thanks