Suddenly Clingy Son - someone help please :(

[LyraBelaqua]

Hi all

I really hope someone can help or reassure me as I'm going through what I HOPE is a difficult phase with my 2 yr old DS. He's become sooo clingy.

He has recently become really bad at settling himself to sleep, I'd say for about 1/2 months. We have to sit in with him until he drops off and then he will wake a couple of hours later and want to come in our bed and he screams blue murder if we leave him, one night he cried from 11-4 when I eventually gave in and popped him in with us.
Then just in the last couple of days he has become so clingy. He's been ill and so I put it down to this but he literally doesn't want to be away from me if I'm anywhere in his vicinity. He screams and cries if I wont let him sit on my lap, if I wont read to him or do what he wants me to do. He follows me screaming if I move around. If I go upstairs he stays screaming and shouting me at the bottom non-stop until I come down.
It's all getting a bit suffocating and I think I can cope if this is a phase but I'm worried that if I give in to his demands (which I want to do as I'm not keen on him being so upset) it's going to become his regular behaviour and that really worries me.

Do you think its separation anxiety and the sleeping and daytime behaviour is linked? I'd really like to get the sleeping sorted by toughening up a bit but if he is genuinely scared I'd hate to leave him to cry! Oh help please I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm certainly no expert but I'd definitely say go with your instinct - you know what you're doing x

Does he go to a nursery or creche? Any other recent changes in his life that could have set off separation anxiety? Did he go through separation anxiety at around 10mo or thereabouts? Most things with lo's are a phase, and often you just have to manage as best you can at the time and ride it out. I do remember ds1 not settling to bed at night and having to cuddle him o the sofa to get him sleepy / asleep first before I could put him down to bed. It was pretty miserable actually as it took varying amounts of time, and was particularly awkward when we visited grandparents as we had to ask everyone else to clear out of the lounge and be quiet! I am trying to remember what age that was at, I think it may well have been around the 2yo mark and lasted for a few months. He's 4.10yo now so considerably older but you'll be glad to know that he just goes to bed normally and settles by himself!

Dd2 is 1yo and she settles to sleep at night by herself - I found a Fisher Price lullaby seahorse toy a godsend for achieving that. I put her down, pop Seahorsey on to play his gentle lullabies, which fade out after 5 minutes (his tummy glows too), and then usually she is asleep. You could try something like that - they make blue ones for boys! Dd2's is pink. And / or you could try controlled crying. But not when he is or has just been poorly - you just have to bite the bullet at those times and cuddle as necessary. Ds1 always had worse sleep after he had been ill or if we had just been away somewhere and come home - anything that disrupted patterns.

With regard the shouting and wailing and clinging to you, that will pass. You'll sometimes have to let him cry while you go upstairs or do jobs you need to do, try to stay calm and reassure him you're still there. Eventually he'll learn that you're not going anywhere and the clinginess will improve. I do sympathise - it's very hard when you have a limpet-like small child glued to you at all times! Sometimes I'm trying to prepare food in the kitchen with dd2 glued to my leg... All the best!