Grandparent advice

[Rtruth]

I'm dad of 7 month old, who had/has reflux. My dad since day one has been a pain, initially wanting to play rough with our baby (in delicate way) but the reflux would mean this wasn't appropriate. A few minor mentions not to do this didn't work, then more mentions on not moving her about so quickly etc, didn't work. Then he decided to wiggle her when she was crying when sleepy, instead of passing her nicely to my brother which sent me over the top, and I had a go at him. He was clearly distressing her and didn't seem to read what i'd say was obvious signs! My wife was fuming but stayed quiet, and my mum apologised. They left, and having to take LO to doctors as reflux was so bad we got her sorted. Did my dad apologise? NO. He seemed to blame it on us, but it then got better.

This was 2 months ago, and the reflux died down a bit, but he now decides he wants to do things at the wrong time. Examples - grabbing her nose to wipe it, when shes nearly asleep. Trying to play with her when she first wakes up and isn't really awake/wants to go back to sleep. Ignoring her when shes playing, but as soon as she shows tired signs, he wants to play.

What do I do! Its annoying me, my wife and nothing I seem to say makes him realise he is doing opposite to what we want!

I don't want to argue with him or my mum, but its putting strain on my relationship with them, and with my wife.

Sounds like he's being a nightmare.

I think you need to just keep reminding him. Take him to one side and speak to him calmly but firmly. DF doesn't listen to a word I say if dd is in the same room as he's too busy playing with her. winding her up more like

I wouldn't have them around when she is sleepy/napping. DF used to wind dd up, just as I was trying to wind her down! Unfortunately, some grandparents seem to treat grandchildren a bit like a toy, for their own amusement. But they don't have to deal with the fall out themselves. They just go home to their tidy quite home and relax, while the parents are left to pick up the pieces!

If the reflux/rough play is still an issue then perhaps you could say that the doctor has advised you not to be too rough with her, because of her reflux. You could even say that it is/could start to affect her weight gain if she's too sick. Not really a lie.

By the way I think it's great that you are the one that is trying to sort this. There seem to be so many threads on here where it's the wife who has to sort out problems with her in-laws, with (seemingly) no help from her husband. Hopefully your wife appreciates that and you can work together to solve the problem.
Good luck.

TBH I think you are being a bit PFB - he's a grandfather who wants to play with his granddaughter which you should be grateful for - give him a break!

If he is doing something you really don't like then tell him but try and chill out, nothing he is doing sounds that bad.

I am a GM and I have said to my DD and SiL that I will respect their requests and methods of child rearing as I realise things have changed since my DC were young. Reflux is very distressing and your F should respect your requests which are not unreasonable.

Please stick to your guns - this is your baby and if you have to firm with your F to get your message through, so be it.

p.s. I also think it's great that you are facing up to this situation >

My dad is rubbish with my DD (also a PFB!). She's 2 now and they've learnt to get along. I'm not sure there's much you can do, as really he just wants to play with his lovely grandchild and is just learning how to do so.
Any chance you could speak to your Mum and get her views? She might tell you that you're being a bit highly strung but that he's being a bit inept and threaten to bang heads together, but it might work...

He sounds like is he trying to be a good grandad but you must try to remember he can't read your baby like you can.

What might be obvious to you might not to him. Either that or he's being an idiot. If it's the later then you might just have to keep hinting 'dad if it's ok don't do that now she's about to have a nap, maybe later when she's up again'.

If that doesn't work - hit him with a newspaper when he does it. He will learn.

I angered with Bubalou, he might not be very good at reading her signals. Try explaining to him what her signals are & pointing out when she is giving them?
Failing that maybe just politely but firmly take her away from him if he isn't listening to your requests to stop.

Signs that are obvious to you aren't necessarily obvious to people who are around her less - perhaps you can pick a calm time to tell him that while you love him being an involved granddad you really need to agree some ground rules? If he doesn't go along with this then he really isn't being helpful at this point and he needs to understand that he can then only come over for shorter visits when you are there to supervise.

However... I also have a very refluxy 7 month old and do understand how stressful it can be - and also know that dealing with all the challenges can make us a bit precious about our refluxy babies. He wiggled her and you blew your top and took your child to the doctor? We find it helpful sometimes to remind ourselves that plenty of reflux kids out there have older siblings who can be rough or demand attention, not everything can be about responding to every cue perfectly at every time - and sometimes that's not a bad thing for the baby either!

Hope you can sort it out with him.