WONT POO! At age 3 1/2 he holds it in for days

[cookiem]

My little boy who is 3 1/2 has been potty training for a year now. He is dry of a night and goes the toilet for a wee no problem during the day and night.

Ever since we started training him, he has never wanted to go on the potty/toilet to poo. We bought every potty/toilet seat imaginable and that still didn't encourage him. In the begining he used to just poo himself all the time but has now progressed in the last 6 months to not letting it out.

He stands rigid and goes red in the face and squeezes his bum together and says nothing is wrong when clearly we know he needs to go. After him keeping it in for about 2 or 3 days we have to finally take him to the toilet and make him sit there until he does it as i'm terrified he's going to damage himself. He looks terrible with bags under his eyes and his behaviour is awful when he needs to go.

I've tried stickers, bribes, rewards, shouting, ignoring and nothing works. I've spoken to his nursery, health visitor and doctors and they just say " he'll grow out of it" which doesn't help me.

Please, if anyone had any suggestions to help me i would be grateful, i just feel like bursting out in tears when he's straining as i know he's in pain and the longer he leaves it the worse it will be for him. HEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!

Hi rosebud,

thanks for your suggestion with the balloon, he loves balloons, so this may be a great idea, i just have to battle with him to get him on the toilet in the first place though!! I don't think he is constipated because its not the fact he can't go its the problem he WONT go. Lately i've noticed he has a very weak stomach. Whenever i change my dd's nappy who is 10weeks old he starts to gag!! he doesn't like the look of it and it makes him nearly sick!!

Maybe this has something to do with why he won't go? he has never gagged when he has done a poo himself? I don't know, i'm just so desperate to get to see the speacialist now. thanks for help xx

Haven't got time to read all of the responses but I have had IDENTICAL situation. Had all the things you mentioned, including the beahviour, temperatures, lethargy, total denial, bribes, HV advice and a few scary episodes where his body just expelled what it had to causing him incredible pain and distress. After he held on for a WEEK we were forced to consult a doctor at the start of the year who gave me acouple of pessaries to get things started and then prescribed a high dose of lactulose daily over a couple of months. After berating ourselves for letting it get so far and thinking there was no light at the end of the tunnel, we started on this. It wasn't all plain sailing but the situation we have today is amillion miles from that of 6-7 months ago. Hope this helps.

Cookiem, my DS 2.10 has been having the same problem for 9 months now. He always does his poohs standing up. For ths last 9 months, he has been dry & wearing pants most of the day. When he wants to do a pooh, he calls me and we put on a pull-up nappy, he immediately does it, and then we put on his pants again.I have been told that it could just be that he is scared of the sensation of pooh-ing while sitting down. The trick is apparently to get him to sit down to do a pooh, with nappy. And in the end take the nappy off, once he is used to it. I am also at a point where I need to decide whether I am going to 'force' him to do it in a toilet, by taking off his nappy. But it seems to me based on all these discusisons that that approach is not really useful. All that will probably happen is that he will keep it in for 3 days & then do it in his pants. It does however go 'against caharacter' to just sit & do nothing!

popspice,

it just seems your little one has a fear of the toilet and pooing in it. Does he wee in it? if not, try getting him to wee in it first, if he's reluctant, try putting a ping pong ball in for him to aim at. Also try just sitting him on the toilet when he doesn't need a poo just to get him used to sitting on the toilet.

My DS problem is really a mystery. He is not scared of the toilet as when we take him he will sit on eventually have a poo. He will not wear a nappy full stop! he's nearly 4 now. Just been to the hospital with him and they have given him movical to clear him out and then we can try and get to the route of the problem. I will say to you though, don't force him to go on the toilet. If he is going in his nappy then he will go the toilet in his own time, at least he is letting it out, its terrible when they start hanging on to it i'd rather he did it all in his pants! good luck. x

My nearly three year old has started to hold his poo since we have potty trained him. he used to go every day, and started off well doing it on the potty, but for about a month or so has been holding it in. It is getting worse, he really seems to be distressed when he needs a poo and jumps around on his toes crying and saying he has a tummy ache. Today he has spent a lot of the day in tears and whatever approach we use- softly softly / firm / cross / rewards- it just doesn't work.

I am feeling really stressed about it. he has just started pre school as well (this problem started way before he started pre school)and I don't like the thought of him being stressed while he's there because of this.

He doesn't want to do it because he says it hurts, I am convinced that he is in a viscious circle- he has never been constipated before, not until he started holding it, now when he holds it he makes himself constipated and then it hurts when he eventually does do it. However, now he thinks its going to hurt, won't he continue to hold onto it? and how do you ever break that cycle of constipation as presumably if he holds it for long enough he will make himself constipated again?

He will not do it in a nappy, gets hysterical if he does (when he can't hold it anymore) do it in his pants and will not sit on the potty to do it either. He eventually does it half standing half sitting above the potty, then demands to put it in the loo and flush it away. It is causing him so much stress.

I am going to try a very high fibre diet with a vengeance this week and get him drinking loads of water too. Helpful to hear that others have this problem too.

By the way this is my first time on this website. what does all the DD/DS/DD2 etc mean?!

Sui - dd - darling/dear daughter

ds - darling/dear son

ds2 - second son etc. Have a look at the acronym list at the top of the page for all of the rest which will make the posts far easier to understand

I just wanted to post that I have been through the same with ds2 and was getting increasingly stressed as he starts school on Wednesday.

I am not sure what happened in the end. We had been using Lactulose daily and increased the dosage so that he was completely cleared out having increased the water and fruit/fibre intake, changed the milk, altered the diet, bribery, start charts - everything but all of a sudden it seemed to click. He has complete control now and has been going twice a day for the past three weeks.

You can not imagine the relief and he is clearly feeling so much better as well.

It is a very upsetting experience for all concerned and I was reading this thread for support for months so I am so pleased it is there but just wanted to share that things do eventually get better.

ellenrose
thank you for your supportive message and explanation of acronyms etc. Have started the high fibre mission today. It doesn't help that he refuses to eat most fruits apart from apples, and most veg apart from peas, but peas are good! Does the lactolose make it impossible for them to hold onto the poo? DS2(!) had a tummy upset recently and managed to make a fairly good effort at holding diarrhoea! but I have to say he got very stressed when he couldn't control it. I hope it clicks with him soon as it seems to be affecting his behaviour and is clearly really stressful for him. Good to read others have the same issues but quite frustrating there's no miracle cure!

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mellowma, funny because my ds1 seemed to have a phobia of pooing too, he did it in his pants every day for 6 months rather than holding it. When DS2 starting holding it I thought it must be something to do with me, that I must be giving them a poo phobia or something. I thought the dirty pants every day were bad with DS1 but now I would just love DS2 to do it in his pants / anywhere! He is crying in bed at the moment, it keeps waking him up poor thing. I hope your DS2 gets out of it before he gets into it. My DS2 likes raisins, i wasn't sure if these would make him go or not- do you think they do? Good luck

Hi cookiem, just found this thread, this does sound psychological and i hope you have got to the bottom of it by now. My son was the same and was happy to wee in the toilet but had to have a nappy to have his bowels opened, after trying him without a nappy for days at a time he was making himself physically ill as you discribed, pale, dark rings under his eyes, foul smelling breath. In the end he would ask for a nappy for a bowel movement, I would put one on him and then as soon as it was over I would clean him up and his underpants would go back on. The cycle was eventually broken just before has 5th birthday when I had run out of nappies, I sat with him in the bathroom, he had a bowel movement whilst sat on the toilet and was so proud of himself that we couldn't flush it until everyone had looked at what he had done! I have to say that I just think that he had got to the point where he wasn't so scared to let go and trusted me a bit more than he had done previously rather than the fact that I had run out of nappies!

ds1 used to do this.

Will your son poo in a nappy? ONe thing you can do is put the nappy back on but then get him to sit on the toilet to poo, then gradually cut the nappy away until there's the tiniest bit left. That worked for a friend.

Oh sui just read your message and realise that won't work (will leave it there in case it helps someone else or can be adapted in some way). It sounds as if the problem is actually pooing rather than anything to do woith the toilet (the other thing that can work is having a topilet seat with a potty in it so there's no splash- but sounds as if that's not likely to work with your son.

In ds1's case I found having something for him to put his feet on (a little step) helped. We also gave him saccromyces (like a probiotic- although not a usual one) which helped I think. We used to reward immediately. He did eventually get better and started going every day, altrhough he often kind of stands on the toilet and crouches over it to go (he's severely autistic so no pint trying to stoip it!) (although its a bit cyclical- having lots of poo problems again now and he's 7!)

hi sui - are his stools quite hard, therefore causing him pain? If so have you tried lactulose? It's a harmless medicine that draws water into the bowel so keps it soft. Takes a while to work but you can give it to him for months with no harm.

You can also buy something called bowel essence from a health food shop, just tinctures of flowers but keeps the bowel healthy. helps my constipated DD, sorry daughter.

For a quicker result why don't you try syrup of figs or senokot?
Keep him going so it doesn't gwet impacted and more painful to pass?

Hello, new to this thread but just wanted to join in and say how much I empathise. DD1 (2 1/2)is suffering from some kind of pooing phobia similar to those mentioned. She can hold it for up to 6 days - by which time I'm at my wits end. Have tried a sticker chart with limited success and now give lactulose on a daily basis - which she calls 'the softy medicine'! Will keep my eye on this thread in case any of you have breakthroughs.

Also sometimes a diet too high in fibre can be more of a hindrance. Oats are gentler on the bowel. so porridge is good for breakfast. Also Weatabix now do oatabix as an alternative, v easy and quicker on a busy weekday.
Also go to the health food shop, get some Udo Chgoice oil and if you make pasta for example pour a bit over the cooked pasta. Anywhere you can use oil but don't actually cook with it. It helps coat the stoll and eases it's journey iykwim!
There's linseeds as well. You can crush them and add them to the porridge or use them in cooking. Make some carrot cake or something and crush them into the mixture.
Would they drink prune juice. Mine wil drink some but will also eat the odd dried prune. Or you could try chopping them up and adding them to porridge.

thomcat snugglebum nappies jimjams2 amd jhamhead. Thank you for all of this, I am off to the health food shop today after pre school to get some of that oil! he thankfully did an enormous poo last night- in his nappy when he could hold it no longer. he found it very upsetting but slept very soundly once it had gone. Will try rewarding immediately if/when he does one and combine with the diet etc. Is lactolose available over the counter? By the way thanks to everyone for posting on here, when I switched it on and saw there were several new posts I was really pleased

lactulose is available over the counter yes and you can even get flavoured. But it's very sweet and mind very sticky. If you get it in his hair or on your clothes.

When my Dd finalyy goes to the loo she's a different person. Horrid isn't it.

Really try and get that bowel essence stuff, it's natural and I swear by it.

Good luck.

Tonight DD1 really needed to go. I sat her on the loo and rubbed her tummy for ages. Then I read her a book and went back to rubbing her tummy. Didn't quite work but soemthing small happened. The whole time I was saying 'it's ok, it's ok, poo is going to come out and it's ok and we can say bye bye to it and it's all ok', sounds silly but it just almed her and made her relax as I sat down next to her and rubbed her tummy.

But it reminded me - try amd massage his little tummy. Do it in a clockwise direction. Maybe just do a little nighttime massage ritual each night. Might help to ease anything out???

Sui - sorry I have not had a chance to get back to this thread until now.

We had our lactulose prescribed but as Thomcat says you should be able to get it over the counter. It does take a while to work and we did need to increase the doseage. Once it works you need to drop the doseage back so that the body does not get to reliant on the medicene but it does make it very soft and easier to pass. If your LO has been holding for a while it can take a few doses to clear a large blockage.

Grapes and therefore raisins are good as is apple juice etc. I can't remember who mentioned but fibre can sometimes have a negative effect so just keep an eye on it because too much can be counter-productive. Increase the water intake as much as you can as this all helps keep it soft but then hopefully the lactulose will get it to happen.

The best advice is be patient. I read these threads over and over again desperate for a cure and it really did happen when we calmed down. You can't force it and they will get it and I totally appreciate how upsetting it can be for everyone. My ds was a different child when he finally had a bowel movement - poor thing.

I hope all of the advice here from everyone helps - good luck.

Thanks thomcat, I will try the rubbing of the tummy after his bath. have got various bits from the health food shop- got some udo oil, both kids screamed because their pasta bolognese tasted different, and then, after tantrums proceeded to eat every last bit on their plates! DS1 has pooed again since last mail, not without alot of fuss, but at least he didn't hold it for quite so long(two days this time) God its just such a relief when they do it isn't it! I can completely relate to what you are saying ellenrose, my LO is a different boy too when he finally does it, his behavoiur improves dramatically, he is less tense and stressed. I must try to relax myself as well, it's just so hard to watch them go through it. I had read on here that blowing a baloon could help as it uses the same muscles as pooing, and then a friend told me yesterday that giving them a pot of bubbles can help (same principle I suppose) so I got him some bubbles and when I saw the signs that he needed to go, I gave him the pot of bubbles. he loves bubbles and shortly after this he went- don't know if this was coincidence but will keep at it, along with everything else! All calm at the moment as there's nothing in there bothering him! Don't know why, but I feel a bit nervous about getting lactolose, do you think I should go to the doctor and get it prescribed?

Sui - if you are at all concerned then by all means go to your docs. They should do a proper exam of his tummy etc. as well and it gives you a chance to share your worries. Mine was very good but rest assured, Lactulose does no harm.

Ohhhhhhhhh had a nightmare with poo last night. She hadn't been for a week and the last 3 weeks her nappies were stained so i knew it was gettign bad. Then last night she woke crying at 4.30am. She came into bed with me but she didn't know what to do with herself, she kept saying 'don't like, hurt, mummy, mummy, hirt, no like it" That went onto 6.30am when, with tears rolling silently down my cheeks, I administered a glycerine suppository. 15 minutes later - job done and she literally pooed a tennis ball out! Then a while later the same agin. poor little soul.
She changed immediatley from being drenched in sweat and in a right state to laughing and kissing me all the way up my arm and aking for toast & milk.
Breaks my heart toi see her in so much discomfort. It's not always wuite that bad but all the same.
Wish I knew a surefire cure all, forever answer.

Oh Thomcat this has brought a tear to my eye, I can so relate to all of that, they get so besides themselves, how awful for you and her. I am so grateful to you all for all your advice because it seems to be making a bit of difference, he is not holding on for so long. Another thing I try sometimes is putting him in a warm bath as this seems to make it a bit easier for him by relaxing the muscles.

Hi Sui, oh yes, forgot to mention the bath one. Lottie has gone in the bath a few times, watch for that, doesn't make the best bath toy! Ewwwww!

Thomcat, poor you. I totally feel for you as my DD1 is on day 6 of no poo and I am beside myself. She's had a spoonful of lactulose every day this week and lots of fruit and veg but still won't go. It's definitely won't go rather than can't go. Am going to see health visitor next week and maybe she can talk to DD about it. Willing to try pretty much anything. Also going to check out the oil that's been mentioned. It's really helpful just having other people, regretably, in the same situation.