How many of you do ignore the naughty behaviour and praise the good?

[toffeesponge]

And what ages does it work best for and when do you need to take a different path?

My children are currently pushing the boundaries into another country and leaving me very little to praise.

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I do try, if when I sort it out and do it consistently the results are amazing. Hard to do but well worth it.

I am really pleased it has worked for you. We haven't been consistent enough but also when we do ignore the bad the other kids moan we don't tell the naughty one off and obviously love them best .

I don't ignore all the bad behaviour, but if I told DD off for everything I'd never stop.lol.

I've found lots of consistent praise has worked, the main issue for us was getting her ready in the morning without loads of tantrums and ignoring me, running off etc.

Oh and sorry forgot to say she is 5 and have been doing it last few months. Before then it was a battle of wills and lots of shouting.

Hahahaha other parents won't put up with 'ignore the bad, praise the good' you know

You will be labelled a poor parent and that's that. [experience]

Oh god no, don't ignore the naughty behaviour completely.
I think balance is the key here.
Let small things slide when you know they are starting to push, point out that you have noticed their behaviour and give them a chance to change it.
Distraction works and then when they are stuck into something fun loads of praise. The point is not allowing it to escalate to something you'll end up trying to punish IYKWIM.

How old are your DC's?

Sorry, my message looked horrible.

No, you do have to tell children off, remove them from situations and people. I agree it is very very difficult when you have the boundary-pusher (and the other children around seem completely happy being gently admonished then directed to something lovely: mine just gets worse tbh if I do that I do try though).

I'm good at praising the good behaviour but rubbish at ignoring the bad. To be fair, most of the bad tends to be around scrapping over toys or getting too boisterous with one another which, if not nipped in the bud PDQ, escalates at a phenomenal pace.

Don't ignore bad behaviour but don't go on and on and on about it. Have firm boundaries and consequences and then move on swiftly. I have a fairly compliant toddler though so maybe it's easy for me to talk

ladyantigone - fortunately they are angels for everyone else so I don't have to worry what strangers thing.

My children are old enough to know better! 8, 10 and 12. Two boys and a girl.

I find that when the children want something or dh and I have finally gone ballistic they behave but there is no happy medium and they push so much. I would like to feel more in control and more confident and find a sanction that works.

thing=think.

I don't ignore any behaviour but I do try to understand the root cause of inappropriate behaviour and deal with that.

DS is just 3. He is currently wilful and tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants (in really inappropriate ways like deciding he wants icecream for breakfast and deciding that the only thing he will do that day is go to the toy shop to buy xyz and, no, he is not getting dressed first).

I try to keep in mind that he is developing his sense of self and this includes testing his control over the world. I respond to him firmly but also with empathy about how disappointing it is to discover that the world do not revolve around him!! My phrase on repeat at the moment is 'I know you are disappointed, and I'm sorry you feel bad. Sit and cool off til you feel better'.

I also try to prepare him for what is coming wherever possible so he is not blindsided by something he doesn't want to do.

I'm not suggesting these as strategies for you necessarily, as yours are older. Just suggesting looking at it from a psychological point of view.

I really don't think you need sanctions, just empathic non-negotiation.

Hmm ignoring scratching/hitting didn't really work with our 18 mth old dd but saying 'No, that's not nice, must be gentle, daddy doesn't want to play with you now because you hurt him, say sorry' etc, did work.

Ignoring refusal to tidy up toys didn't work either (dd simply walked off and was pleased she didn't have to tidy up) but consistently repeating requests, saying 'please help mummy/daddy', has worked.

Ignoring tantrums has sometimes worked but no more often than empathising and trying to explain to dd (eg 'we'll go to swings later, it won't be long now', 'you can have a biscuit after lunch' etc).

Not so sure then about ignoring bad behaviour but agree with OP that not necessary to go on and on about it. Once it's dealt with we move on and forget about it.

I always praise good behaviour, but I don't ignore bad behaviour although I ask him questions about it, rather than just criticise him (e.g. why are you chasing the cat with a stick? do you want to hurt her? No? well then maybe you should put it down as she's only little isn't she?)

DS1 is 4 and if he was doing anything that was going to have an impact on other children/adults/pets then I would definitely intervene.

To be honest though I find having a conversation about the issue straightaway works and diffuses things (he sometimes has tantrums / tears - after all he is 4 - but we talk it through and he gets over it).

Miawowthecat - loved your comments about priasing other kids, we recently had friends round who arrived easrly so invited them up to DS1s room while he got ready - his room was a mess (our fault really as he's only 4) and to cover my embarassment I mentioned that I bet the visiting boys room wasn't that untidy. Anyway, 2 days later my son decides that he wants his room tidied up and he wants it tidier than his little friends room - bonus :-D

I don't ignore the naughty just tell them straight it's not nice and if they don't stop they will not be allowed to carry on playing or going anywhere if they don't stop they don't get doing what they want to do, you need to be strict with that though if you don't follow through then it's pointless. Todays example DS is feeding me pretend food with the wooden spoon he kept shoving it in my face and bashing my teeth he got 3 warning (he's only 21mo so gets more warnings) he done it again so I took the spoon away for 5 mins gave it back with a reminder to be gentle and he was fine.

I praise lots and lots for good behavior and reward for excellent behavior for example DS drops his crisps there are no more and DN offers half of hers without being asked she would get some sort of reward like picking the TV program or an extra 10 mins at bedtime.

I don't think ignoring bad behaviour works and I don't think it's something that can work in school or with other peoples children around