Nakedness and children

[BummyMummy77]

So I haven't posted in here before (usually post in the pregnancy threads) but I figured this would be the correct place.

My dh is pretty liberal and born of hippy parents. I am too. We live in the States but I'm British. Just some background info to help you along.

The other day I was getting out of the bath, and dh was helping (39 weeks, things are getting pretty difficult). He held up my towel for me and put it round me and I said "aw, just like my Dad used to do it." He was horrified. He said he thought it was really weird that my Dad helped me bathe and saw me naked.

Now my Dad actually brought us up so there wasn't really any other option other than letting a 5 year old get out of the bath herself but even so, I don't think this is 'weird' is it?! I can't remember when I stopped being naked in front of my Dad, probably around 8 or 9 or so and I certainly remember telling him in no uncertain terms that he was no longer allowed to walk to the bathroom at night undressed at about 9 or 10 lol.

So we carry on talking about this and it turns out dh can never remember seeing his parents naked. If they would go camping they'd get undressed in their sleeping bags and swimming would use private stalls.

He was also horrified at the fact that I'll go in with my Mum in the bathroom and pee while she's showering (it drives her nuts too but only because I'm ruining her zen) or sit on the loo and chat to her.

He says him and his sister were told to cover up from as far back as he can remember and once when he was a tiny lad (probably about 3) he got torn apart for peeing in the bushes whilst his Grandma was around.

Now I've been a maternity nurse/nanny for over 18 years and whilst things have obviously changed over the years, for good reason I guess considering the amount of weirdos out there, but I never used to think twice about showering with little girls and boys I worked with let alone my own children I'm about to have. I've spoken recently to old bosses about it it and they've said things like "well obviously we trusted you not to do anything to harm our children/babies or you wouldn't be employed, we'd rather they saw you in a swimming pool shower than not shower them or let them shower on their own!".

So what's everyone else's opinions on nakedness and children? Am I just naively WAY too liberal? Maybe it's an American thing? I've told dh if I hear anyone telling my son to 'cover up' or that it's wrong to be naked at an early age I will flip the fuck out. I think it can cause body issues and a shyness that will come all to quickly anyway.

I don't see how your DH can stick to not seeing kids naked unless he is never taking the kids swimming without you or never helping bath them (how sad would that be!). I'm amazed he was surprised your dad saw you getting out of bath! I don't remember being naked in front of my dad much, or seeing him much, but I'm sure we did when younger - I'm guessing it gradually stopped as I got older. Same with mum really, but less strict about it - I would change in room with her , but not walk in if she was bathing.

We have 3 yo DD and I would get dressed / go to toilet / shower with her in the room, and answer any questions she had about bodies. I think DH would be the same, but is maybe a bit more inclined to be private the older she gets. He certainly wouldn't think twice about seeing DD naked now though. I'm assuming it will gradually change over time.

However, I do think I would be less liberal about DCs actually touching our private parts. It's harmelss I'm sure, but I would feel weird about that, and I agree with the post above that says it is hard to teach them about how they should behave with others, or what is not appropriate for people to do with them, if you let them touch / play with yours!

However, explaining about private parts did backfire on me recently when DD was reluctant to get dressed,and when I pulled her pyjamas down she shouted really loudly "oi, that's naughty, you mustn't touch or see my private parts if I don't want you to!" Goodness know what the neighbours thought!

Ds1 is nearly 10 and starting to want to cover up. Around 10, or so, is the given age for boys not to want their parents to see them, or so I have read on MN.
Dh and I sleep naked so ds's jump in for a cuddle, thus see us/ know we are.

I just think there's nothing sadder than a man feeling uncomfortable with his daughter's nakedness. (Obviously there are sadder things but you know what I mean.)

I'm so close to my Dad and I treasure all the time we spent together. It would break my heart to think he'd been on guard and thinking 'oh is that crossing a line of what's appropriate/socially acceptable'? He's my Daddy!

I think I was about 8-10 when I started not wanting him or anyone to see me naked. At the same point I decided I didn't want to see anyone else naked either. I guess we pick that up from our peers.

He is planning on bathing the baby. I'm not sure when he feels this 'no nakedness' policy will kick in. Hopefully it just won't.

catl oh God. Things you really don't want your child to say lol!

I do need to point out that we never engaged in any willy twanging or moomin inspecting. Each to their own but I think that's a bit unnecessary.

I don't think it's a problem per se, but I do remember walking into the bathroom as a girl and seeing my dad having a pee, and being horrified by his anatomy! No adult wants to be able to recall that image, which unfortunately I can!! Gaahhh. So while I don't care about my kids seeing me naked right now (eldest is nearly 5yo), I think at some point I'm going to make sure I'm covered up unless we have to shower together eg swimming pool. And dh can probably take ds1 then while I shower with dd2. I don't have much in the way of cleavage and I really don't want ds1 as a teenage being able to recall that in detail! But that is in part my own issues. In answer to OPs Qs, I don't think nakedness is 'weird', just needs a bit of thought regarding what the kids will and won't recall, and if that matters or not. Maybe it doesn't.

I am far too lazy to bother with being modest. As always seemed a huge waste of time to me. Used to watch my friends faffing about trying to change under towels after swimming and just couldn't see the point.

Loved the university pool where everyone showered naked without bothering (that way you got a good wash without adding to your flat gas bill).

Still can't be arsed, DDs are 15 and 12, if they aren't used to seeing their DM by now they never will be.

DH pulls on underpants before wandering round the house, but probably only since the DDs started secondary.

As for the DDs, DD2 sometimes worries, sometimes doesn't. DD1 generally pulls on knickers, but is totally happy to get me or her dad to fight with awkward bras and wander into her room looking for towels, nightshirt etc.

Our bathroom is the size of a postcard, hence no one tends to get dry and dressed in there. Thus everyone has always wandered about in various states of undress.

As for my cleavage, DD2 BF so long that's not exactly a well kept secret

Also neither of my parents were particularly bothered. DDad is strongly of the just never thinks about to worry about such things school.

DM is a rather large lady and sadly a bit self conscious about her body. She wouldn't walk about naked, but she'd never complain if we blundered in.

It's interesting as my parents are foster caters and have been for my whole life. This meant there were always other people's children in the house, sadly many who had come from abusive homes etc so nudity was very much a no no in our house, although my mum would get changed in front of me if I was in her bedroom (door closed) and I do have a memory of bathing with my dad when I was young - one of my earliest memories.

Dh comes from a much more liberal household where they were always in and out of the bathroom when others were in the bath and Dh remembers being a teenager and sitting playing the guitar on the side of the bath while his older sister was bathing, which I admit I found really strange and still do to a certain extent although I accept that it's probably due to my own upbringing being so far the other way for necessary reasons.

With our dc I am very relaxed now - we bathe together sometimes and they'll see me using the toilet etc and I am comfortable with that while they're little (1 and 3) but I'll want to cover up more as they get older!

I guess I'm hoping we'll end up with a happy medium of what mine and dh's houses were like.

Very open in our house. it's just bodies, we all have one!

PIL were apparently a bit more uptight, but DH isn't.

My mum was always very open and honest and still is. I think it's really contributed to my positive body image actually. I know I'm overweight and wobbly, and I'd like to change that but I've never been ashamed of my body.

Does backfire when the kids try and play bongos on your boobs though

Think it's totally fine for a dad to help daughter at bathtubs until around 9 or 10. My dd is 10 and wouldn't bat an eyelid at that. So even more so ok if brought up by your Dad. Less ok once puberty has obviously started.

I still have baths with my 7 year old Ds but know our days of this are
Numbered - and am generally comfortable with nakedness (although wasn't brought up comfortable with it!) ignore your dh on this one.

We're a naked house, and we will be until dd wants to cover up. She's only 3.4 now though. The only thing me and dh don't do in front of each other is poo, but we'll happily have a wee while the other one is in the bath/shower.

As for periods, dd knows that every now and then I do 'red wees' as she puts it, and I have to put 'stickers' in my pants. She also knows that they happen to grown up girls and that it's vaguely related to babies. I'll think of more answers when she thinks of more questions, but I'd rather her see and ask rather than freak out the first time it happens to her, like one of my friends from school when she got her first period.

Back to nakedness, my parents didn't cover up until me and my brother asked them to as we got older. I plan to take dd's lead on that too. The way I see it, they're just bodies -we all have them, and what better place to learn about them than in your own home?

I'm 36 and my dad saw me naked as recently as today. He was looking after DS 16 months while I had a shower and DS started crying so he brought him in. Neither of us thought anything of it. I have always seen my parents naked and they have seen me.
DH and I will always be naked around DS- I'm not covering up in my own house!

My DDad would have wandered into have a pee when I was in the bath in the university holidays. Neither of us would have worried.

He only wouldn't now, because they built an extension with a shower and an extra loo, because DM can't get her arthritic knees safely in and out the bath.

We are not a naked house but I will shower and change with the kids there and vice versa I find it weird someone would be uncomfortable seeing their own child naked, if your not comfortable then cover up but don't put your body issues on to others

Various people saw me naked until I was old enough to get out of the bath on my own - about 6? I think but couldn't really say. I remember seeing both my parnets naked (I used to share a bath with them when little as it saved on water).

So the general feeling is he's an uptight git. I'll let him know.

Really though, I'll have a gentle talk but if any of my in-laws ever say anything about needing to cover up as it's 'not nice' to be naked I will have an issue with it. Time will tell I guess. Maybe I should start running about in the buff?

I do think it si utterly daft, BummyMummy77, but my experience from international parenting boards is that that attitude is very common in America. I think since you're going to be bringing your child up in America you'll need to bear that in mind, not necessarily instil that attitude in your child, but they're going to learn that many other families are like Daddy's.

We are a naked house. DH and I sleep naked and on any given night a combination of 3 DC may appear/disappear.

I don't bath or shower with the DC as I like the water too hot. DH who enjoys bathing in tepid water will shower with DS (9) DD1 (6) and/or DD2 (3).

DC are told that touching "private" parts is for in private, they aren't told it is wrong.

To be honest, I long for the day I get to pee in peace.

My 2 DCs (9yo and 5yo) get undressed at bath time and then charge around upstairs like a pair of galumphing, naked elephants. I'm sure my DD will soon become less comfortable with being naked around us and I will follow her lead, but I'm not going to dictate to her when she needs to be more private.