Running out of eggs - dilemma re having a 2nd DC

[octanegirl]

I'm 36 with a 9 month old DS (my first).
I've got a very low ovarian reserve - advice from the doctors is to not wait if I want a 2nd child. I asked if I could wait a year and they said no.

My "plan" was always to have a three year gap or so - but nature is against me on this one. I don't feel ready to have a 2nd now, but equally the thought of never having another child fills me with sadness.
DP isn't terribly keen for another but says he might be persuaded.

I don't really know what to do. I am just getting my life sorted again after having DS and the prospect of another so soon is daunting.
WWYD? Is having two little ones twice the work or is it not so bad?

I never thought I would be under pressure to have a 2nd child, but I suppose life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans.

Thank you....

I've got 11 months between my younger 2 (and 2 years between older two).

The very small gap wasn't planned and tbh I was bricking it when I first found out I was pg with dc3. Some things about that gap were harder I suppose but other stuff was easier - it was actually easier dealing with a 10mo when heavily pg than it was with a nearly-2 yo.

Now they are older and the small age gap is just brilliant. They are so close and get on so well. I wouldn't change it for the world.

OP, Im sorry you have been put into this situation, it must be hard.

Personally, I think you should go for it on the basis that people don't regret the children they have, just the ones they didn't have.
I have two friends who were not quite ready for another so didn't do it then deeply regretted this decision. One because she was then too old and another because she has since split up with her then partner. Both bitterly regret this.

I found myself PG with number 3 and I was no where near ready and thought I would regret it for the rest of my life. Im so glad I had him. You won't regret a sister or brother for your child.

I'd ask for a second specialist opinion to be honest. I know someone in similar situation who when discussing with GP was told no time. Consultant gynae saw no real problem. SHe had 3 year gap and conceived DC2 after 2 months of DTD.

Perhaps it might be worth having new tests. You hear many stories of people who, like a pp took many years to conceive, but the 2nd dc came along easier... I wonder if our bodies change a bit in the process of having a baby to make another baby more likely?

I have found having two children incredibly hard work (2 year gap) but I wanted two and couldn't risk waiting longer owing to my age. Two friends have an 18 and 20 month gap (would that be about your gap if you were to conceive now-ish?)

They found it incredibly hard in the first few months - eldest still a lot of work, needed carrying etc, but - and now the youngest are just over a year - they say it is great, has been hard but so worth while.

I'd say if, for the reasons you say you can't risk waiting, and you'd like another, go for it! There are challenges whatever the gap but benefits too. All the best with whatever you decide and hope it works out.

Getting a second opinion sounds like a brilliant idea.

If that comes back the same as the first one of course you'll still have to persuade your DP - are the things he says related to his general opinion of the perfect family size? Was he a happy only child or miserable younger sibling? Nowt like a bit of cod psychology...

It's a stressful position you are currently in. And I hope you get the second child you wish for. Remember tho, life with just one is okay too! For various reasons DH and I started our family later than we wanted to, and after passing 40 and two MS it looks like DS (4) is going to be our only child. It's not what we originally planned, but it life is still good.

I've had two tests several months apart and the results are consistent.

DP is unwilling from a purely selfish perspective (money, time) which is upsetting. I know it would be hard but would be worth it.

I may not get pregnant in which case I accept that nature had other plans, but having the chance denied me by DP is another thing altogether. I would always be wondering "what if" and be resentful of him.

If you told him that you feared it would cause you to resent him what would he say?

Go for it - no guarantees you'll even get pregnant straight away.