My 3 year old will not...

[Dillytante]

...have her teeth cleaned
Wear dresses and/or tights
Have her hair washed
Stay in bed at bed time
Have a cover on at night
Take medicine
Wash her hands with soap

And many more things besides. On the whole she is a lovely child, never horrid to other kids (except her sister) or badly behaved for other adults, she is just willful (what I am trying to get across is this isn't a significant behaviour problem, she is just being a PITA!). Is this her age? Anyone else have things their nearly preschooler refuses to do.

Obviously some of the above list aren't particularly important but anyone got any advice on tackling those that are?

With you on some of them, just had the hair wash fight with my 2.7yo dd, if you didn't know what I was doing you would think I was actually trying to kill her.
Thankfully bedtime isn't a fight most nights but with most of her sticking points I just keep thinking that as her vocabulary and reasoning grows so will the chance of getting past these things.

My DS is 2.11 and hates having his hair washed, and he won't poo on the potty or toilet either. He also won't eat a meal without getting himself and the floor covered in food.

Dd2 was like that at 3

She was alright by 5 though

And now is probably the most pliable of the 3dc. Which is interesting, as she was the most willful of the lot by far at that age

She wouldn't brush her teeth (was a pin and restrain, 2 man job every night for about a year)

Wouldn't wear a coat

Resisted at full force putting her pull up and pjs on, every night

She was hardcore

I've decided that for girls, it's the terrible 3s, not the terrible 2s. That's been my experience and a lot of friends I know too. The wilfulness is unbeleiveable at times with 3 yo DD.
notnowbernard - that's very reassuring, thanks!

My dds have been 'harder' than ds at that age, for sure

He's a pussy cat in comparison

It's all about control. Distraction maybe - like quick get your teeth brushed so we can do x y z or let's set this timer and see if we can beat it.
I did this a lot with ds at this age and it really helped. He wanted to control everything we did and still to an extent would if I let him!

It's good to hear that it is normal. We've tried everything with the teeth. DH thinks the battle makes her worse.

Good call on the fleecy pjs. Will have to get some from Primark. The rest I will just have to power through!

Hair wash - maybe she's tired. We don't wash DS's hair when he's tired. Other times, I let him help, I also persuade eg I'll put some water in, he'll play with toys, then I add more water, he plays then next thing you know he's having his hair washed.

In fact telling ds to do something rarely works. Sometimes he's too engrossed in what he's doing and I'm convinced he's on a different time wave to me and definitely doesn't understand urgency so I have to build more time and and use a jolly persuasive tone if possible. Making silly jokes helps too.

I did find the old mantra 'pick your battles ' helped re teeth brushing

It was a battle I HAD TO WIN (once a day anyway)

Pinning was the only way

DD is like this too.

Everyday battles:
Cleaning teeth
Getting dressed
Changing nappy
Refusing all help
increasingly, getting into car seat

Generally, can be anything really. Sometimes it's anyone's guess.

She's only 1.

I'm fucked.

Her understanding amazes me but she has very few words so the only way I can calm her down is to tell her to show me what she wants. And she does, through signs and pointing and determined babble.

Today's mystery tantrum turned out to be - entirely apropos of nothing - that she no longer wanted any clothes on, nothing, not even a nappy. It was naked Saturday. Who knew.

(stealth boast disclaimer: 'amazes me' in the sense that I knew zip about babies before DS and still can't believe what they capable of when they're so tiny... )

This looks very familiar! Hates having hair washed, but the headache currently is that she only wants to wear one dress or hours of whinging ensue. The dress in question is a sundress which is worn with flip flops.

The worst wilful moment was her decision to walk out of a music session (which she usually loves) two minutes in and refusing to come back. Apparently Daddy was supposed to bring her.
My head hurts.

DD (3.10) is just like this and I reognise many in the list as DD doesnt like those either but has got better as she as approached 4.

After getting all stressed about trying to tackle everything I've started to pick the battles I want sorted and let the others go.

So I've ignored no cover at night and just put her in thicker pjs and let her wear dresses and skirts and not pushed the trousers, but interestingly now we're not scrapping over clothes choice every morning, she's started choosing trousers herself and wears them with no complaints.

On others like hair washing, i just stopped for a while because it was all too stressful for everyone then introduced a sticker chart with the offer of a sought after toy at end - it took 2 months then we had to take the toy back in month 3 when DD decided not to participate any more! It's been a long slog but we've got there.

On the non negotiables (teeth cleaning, medicine) I've always just persevered, as mentioned above distraction usually works!

It does get easier as they get older

Just let her wear trousers and leggings - really not worth fighting over that.

Over the hair washing, why don't you all get one of these:

www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_trksid=p2050601.m570.l1313.TR0.TRC0.Xhair+wash+hat&_nkw=hair+wash+hat&_sacat=0&_from=R40

As I said in the OP some things aren't important so have given up on the tights/dress thing.

Great idea flapjack, but I can't even imagine for one moment she's countenance wearing such a thing. She's bad enough with hair clips!

Thing is she is very eloquent & has been since an early age so can't blame it on verbal skills. Don't get me wrong either, she's not naughty in general, just obstinate!

Dd1 used to be v difficult about having her hair washed so we did it at the start of the bath - no hair wash = no toys. Worked like a charm.

Re handwashing with soap, DH taught them to blow bubbles with their soapy hands cupped (like a hand version of a bubble wand) which worked well. We also sing the tiny turtle song which they like.
Races with teeth are good - bet I can brush your teeth for longer than daddy can brush his/you can't brush your teeth longer than I can brush mine etc.

Re staying in bed, dd1 was allowed classical music or a story cd on from about 3 if she stayed in bed.

I think your attitude is right though, some things just aren't worth the battle and its best to give up for a while.

Yep, mine's largely the same!

Here's a trick for hand-washing that works for us: I told my DS all about what germs are (in a child-friendly way) and voice the germs whenever he needs his hands washed, which generally involves cackling evilly and saying "Hooray! Looks like DS has forgotten to wash his hands, now we get to make him poorly!" DS invariably replies gleefully with "NO NO GERMS I WON'T LET YOU MAKE ME POORLY HA HA HA" and washes his hands immediately, at which point I pretend to be the germs getting all upset, going NOOOO etc.

Now whenever I ask DS to go to the sink for had washing, he immediately asks, "What are the germs saying?!"

Just need strategies for all the other stuff now

The teeth brushing thing. Try downloading the aquafresh app. It's saved my sanity twice a day since I got it!

The rest? Oh I'm so there with you. Ds2 is just entering the threeanger stage.