Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Is life going to stop me from having my own children?

8 replies

KashaUK · 26/10/2013 05:34

I'm 30 years old, and my partner is about to turn 47.

He has two kids already (aged 8 and 10 years old) but I would like a child of my own...the problem is that my partner and I live in two different countries. The plan is that I'll immigrate to live with him but right now due to business problems we've had to put that on hold, it may be another year before I'm able to move.

When I move there will be a lot of adjusting to the new country; I'll have to learn to drive, we're setting-up a new business, we will be moving at some point to somewhere temporary first then we may be building our own home, and I would also like to go to college to go into a new career (which would also involve volunteer work and trying to get involved in the local groups connected to the line of work I want to go into). Plus we like outdoor activities like camping trips and once the business is established we might want to travel.

I need an extra ten years. I'm scared that by the time I'm done adjusting to a new country and/or going after my career that it will be too late to have children - I'm not getting any younger, and my partner will be getting a little old to have a new baby too. I don't think we'd be able to fit in having a baby while adjusting or my going after a career as it'll be too much, especially if you consider we don't have family or friends to help us.

Am I going to have to give-up on having a career, or at least push it back a good few years, if I want to stand any chance of having a baby? Even without that factor it's still pushing it a little by the time we get ourselves sorted out in terms of the business and home.

...and this is just me. My partner is older, he's done the whole baby and childhood thing already, he's keen on building the business and exploring the country together...having another kid is not as important to him as it would be to me, so I'm worried that a few years along the line he will decide that having another kid is going to be too much.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
hairymonkey · 26/10/2013 05:45

You can try for a baby whenever you want. I retrained with a one year old and three year old. It's tough, but it makes you more determined. If you really want a child you should speak with your partner, life's not getting in the way, you are, not meaning to be rude.

It's been said a million times, but there's never a good time to have a baby and the situation you have described is not necessarily incompatable with children.

hairymonkey · 26/10/2013 05:49

You can try for a baby whenever you want. I retrained with a one year old and three year old. It's tough, but it makes you more determined. If you really want a child you should speak with your partner, life's not getting in the way, you are, not meaning to be rude.

It's been said a million times, but there's never a good time to have a baby and the situation you have described is not necessarily incompatable with children.

You sound as if you're pretty organised and would be able to cope with any new additions to your family. I'm sure you'll be great. I hope it all works out for you.

hairymonkey · 26/10/2013 05:54

And most babies/kids love being outside and camping!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

merrymouse · 26/10/2013 06:23

Agree, it's never the 'right' time to have a baby. Life never stops and there is always something else that you could be doing, even when you are 40.

I think it would be difficult to learn to drive and travel and retrain and do volunteer work and build your own house and have a baby all at the same time, but you don't have to do all these things before you have a baby. They are all things that people have done with children.

The only thing that you should be clear on is that your partner and you are both on the same page in terms of wanting children.

oliveoctagon · 26/10/2013 06:46

Since I have had my 2 I have got a 2.1 degree, been promoted to Assistant Manager, then Manager and just about to start a Masters, completely renovated where we live from a damp horrible place to a lovely stylish place, been abroad etc.

Me and dh are both still in our 20s and havent found that having children holds you back at all.

Chubfuddler · 26/10/2013 06:51

I agree with everyone else. And your biggest stumbling block here is not that you plan to emigrate and build and new life abroad, it's that your partner is 17 years old with you and has "done" children already.

You may have to decide whether all that other stuff plus him is good enough to compensate you for not having children. You may well decide that it is, which is absolutely OK. women do not have to be mothers to live happy and fulfilled lives. But if you both want a child, it is entirely possible to do all the things you planned as well.

FaddyPeony · 26/10/2013 07:01

My only contribution is to say that I think you if you're planning to learn to drive anyway you should do this before having a baby. Otherwise, I agree, there's never a good time.

Seb101 · 26/10/2013 09:11

It's really all about priorities.... What you want more. Sometimes we can't have it all.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread