I am a lonely mum

[Alibongo33]

I have two kids, 6 months and 21 months and I find the week days very lonely. I moved to a new area when I met my husband and don't really know anyone.
I am not very confident which doesn't help but would like advice on how to combat loneliness during the week and how to start going to groups and not ending up just sitting in a corner. I thought about going up to other mums but thought that might look too needy. Sometimes if a playgroup is well established it can be difficult too.

Any advice welcome!

I'm really shy and was the first of my friends to have a baby so stayed in home a lot when I had ds. I then ventured out to a structured group and did baby sensory as it doesn't matter so much about talking because you have an activity to focus on iyswim. Then gradually I got to know people who went every week and made friends from there. It was much less intimidating to me than going to a group where the children can do anything and the mums chat together.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do, I'm sure you won't be lonely much longer, it's the first outing that's the hardest

A structured, local group might help you put some names to faces. Then try toddler groups? Once you know a couple of other parents you'll hear of other groups + activities.

Or hang around local parks around primary school kicking out time? Lots of parents will be hovering around while their DC's play, there's always an assortment of parents at our park. We chat to parents with pre-school children and their toddlers like playing with our 'big' kids (age 4-6).

I was new to and entire diff county. I had a son and knew I had to make a life for myself in my new home. I went to every play group you can imagine. It's hard I know I had the same insecurities. Mums love talking shop ( babies toddlers ) do it you won't regret it in 3 years time when your trying to fit a busy social life around 2 kids :-)

I am not shy but never conquered the mother and toddler club. Everyone knew everyone else so I talked to one of the organisers. Not welcomed by other mums at all, (cannot remember having a conversation with any of them) so left and went to another one with DD2 when DD1 went to nursery. Lots more people went on their own to this one so it was easier to talk to other Mums but I never made any friends though. I think all you can do is give it a go. Went to baby/toddler music group and had a dismal experience there too. I guess it must be me. Everywhere I went people had met prior to turning up to the group so didn't really need another person in the group. I was older too so that didn't help. I think if you feel welcome you will find some friends but I found it extremely difficult to the point that it really upset me. Nursery was better though as a few of us eventually realised we didn't know anybody and no-one spoke to us. We spoke to each other and have remained friends. Good luck though.

What about offering to help out at a toddler group? I'm not sure they are always as cliquey as they seem, I help to organise one and different, entirely random people turn up each time, it's only by going every week you really start to get to know people. I think they sometimes seem that way because noone really knows anyone ifyswim?

I'd second a group with a structured activity- it seems like it's easier to talk when there's less pressure to in a strange way! I find because you're doing something there's less pressure to make small talk and the chat flows more naturally. I'd also recommend choosing a group around your older child - as my DD has got older I've noticed the Mums seem more relaxed and less cliquey. Might they enjoy music, tumbletots or dance sessions? These classes can be a bit pricey but I think it would be worth investing in one activity a week and then hopefully the Mums you meet there might start suggesting other activities. I definitely wouldn't think it seemed desperate if a Mum I didn't know started chatting to me - I think even though some Mums seem more confident most are still on the lookout for new friends they can share thier experiences with!

I was in similar position moved when 6 months pregnant mine and dps families and friends are 200 miles away.

I just went to loads of different groups some women were really cliquey and competitive but I've also made some amazing friends. If you go to one group and it's not for you don't give up on trying another.

I might also be worth contacting your HV mine recommended the groups she thought I would like the best and she was right.

Try your local Nct for groups www.nct.org.uk

It is lonely I agree. I can go a week without a text or talking to anyone but DH when he gets in from work.

I feel invisible.

I go to baby weigh every 2 weeks and baby sing song at the local library. Each week.
I've been to breastfeeding network place, was ignored by everyone except for the advisor. They all knew each other.

Need to make more of an effort.