Cuddles And comfort

[Kafri]

DS is 10m now

He really dislikes being cuddled but is always pulling at me to be carried. I literally couldn't put him down as a tiny but he has improved a little over time. I don't mind him being clingy at all - it won't last forever and all that.

What bothers me I'd that he doesn't like yo be comforted in any way. Whether it's bedtime.- has always preferred going in his cot and getting himself to sleep. Or daytime - if he gets upset cuddling him and comforting him does nothing.
Overnight only milk will settle him. He screams and screams if I try to sooth him by holding and rocking.

Amy ideas why?

No real idea why but both mine have been like it. I put it down to them being independent. DS1 would only be held if I stood up and walked with him, even then by age one he'd be back arching and writhing about trying to be put down. DS2 just hated it all! I've never been able to sit with them on my knee cuddling as babies. I think they both just saw it as me restricting them to be honest, since neither of them have been keen on being confined in any way, hated car seats, high chairs etc. It's hard when you see cuddly babies though. Weirdly, both mine have been 'clingy' and cried a lot, pulling at me and climbing all over me but still not been happy even when I picked them up . Incidentally they both hated being held and rocked to sleep too and both would only feed to sleep. DS1 is 6 now and so affectionate and cuddly. DS2 is 22 months and just starting to realise that cuddles are nice (on his terms!)!!!

You have literally just described DS. Hates confinement of any sort. I've just had to replace his high chair with one that is less restricting for him. Hated his jumperoo - preferred to be supported so he could play in the outside. Hated his car seat (though slightly better in his 9m one.hes just about starting to tolerate his pram - he used to scream within 10 mins of being in there. Pulling at me and climbing on me to be picked up but only happy of we're on the move. Has never let me sit down with him on my knee....

It really is hard when you see all these contented little babies sitting nicely on someone's knee.

Ohh it's hard isn't it?! Everyone's babies seem so easy and placid by comparison! Many people on here described my DS as high needs but it seemed like he was really really really HIGH needs!!! It wasn't like the other mum's experience of needing to wear them in a sling or breastfeeding constantly, this was just them crying constantly but not seeming to know what they want. Not wanting to be held but not wanting to be put down either!

Basically the only thing I can put it down to is frustration. The high chair and pushchair were both rejected early on with both of mine. Just sitting down holding them made them cry.

DS2 still prefers me to stand up and carry him about but I do sometimes refuse now he's walking. He does do a fair bit of moaning sometimes but nothing like he used to be.

I used to blame myself for DS1's behaviour, seeing all these other contented non screaming babies playing with toys happily in pushchairs and then seeing my screamy red angry baby! We used to be back and forth to the doctors, paediatrician and Health Visitor but nothing helped the fact that he hated cuddles and was just not happy! It was crushing reliving it all with DS2 .

I know how you feel and I worried constantly that it meant there was some kind of developmental problem with DS1 or he would grow up to hate me but just to reassure you, he's absolutely fine (in fact he's actually completely lovely!) and we're best friends. xxx

DS was the same until he was crawling about 8 months once he could get away he started to get a little more cuddly and by about 15 months he turned very cuddly and kissy. It's quite common i think i've seen other threads on here about it.

DS used to scream blue murder at bedtime until I left him alone in his cot one night and he settled in 5 minutes with barely a whimper. If he hurts himself or is frightened he'll cuddle me for about 12 seconds and then run off. He's just in the last few days started cuddling me/DH by his own choice! He's 18mo now, and a lovely happy baby, just not very cuddly!

Thanks for all the replies, much appreciated...

As a tiny baby he was soooooo frustrated all the time. He has/d reflux as well and ended up on prescription milk and omeprazole. He would scream 16 hours a day easy! He was on hyper alert from day 1. Everyone used to comment on how alert he was all the time.

He started to teethe early and got his first 2 at 16 weeks and has 8 now with 4 more starting to show.

All in all he's had a bloody tough run of it so far...

I need to stop reading too much into it. I guess I waited soooo long for him and had all these ideas in my head about what we'd do - sitting in coffee shops with friends while on mat leave, reading bedtime stories cuddled on the sofa, sunday morning snuggles in bed etc and none of it happened. Coffee shops were nowhere near relaxing as I had to bounce ds around constantly, stories don't happen as he won't sit still for long enough and snuggles in bed are a no go - once he's up the day's started and he has far too much to explore to waste time lolling in bed with mummy!

I'll just have to learn that those things are things that I wanted and clearly not things he wants, at least for the time being.

DS was an IVF baby in the end, and it really hurts that he won't let me cuddle him. He was very much longed for and i don't know, it's like he doesn't want me or something (which I know is a daft way to feel)

On another note, if you're still reading, any suggestions about the night time waking i mentioned in OP? He goes to bed at 7 and usually wakes around midnight and 5 give or take an hour or so. It's like he's decided he can't go more than 6 hours without food. So far, I feed him at both (the 5am one I class as his morning feed even though he usually goes back to sleep after). I don't know what else to do other than feed him - like I said, he doesn't want cuddling. He has always preferred getting himself to sleep on his own in his cot so he's fully able to self settle (which is why I keep telling myself that it MUST be hunger for him to be waking and not self settling again).