How on earth is DS going to settle in to nursery??

[BotBotticelli]

I got back to work in November and DS will be going into nursery for 3 full days per week (rising to 4 full days per week in April....I am phasing my return but my contract is for 4 days per week so that's what we are signed up for long term).

He will be just shy of 1yo when he starts nursery. He has never really been looked after by anyone other than me and DH as we have no useful family around.

Am getting really nervous about how he is going to ever possibly settle in to be happy to spend a whole day with people other than us :(

Is it normal to feel really nervous about this? Did you, and did your DCs settle in ok in the end??

I am really happy with the nursery we have chosen, it's a lovely friendly place but the baby room does often have 8 babies in (and 3 staff) so i think it's going to be hectic and overwhemling for him. I have had PND and anxiety and still find myself getting stressed out about DS's daytime naps (their timing, length etc) and put him down to nap in a dark silent room at home....have no idea how he will sleep at nursery, and boy does he need his sleep :(

Please will someone tell me this is likely to be ok?? Going mad here.

As an aside, I have a job which I love and trained years for, and going back was always the plan. I also find being at home on my own with DS for the whole week to be pretty tough (DH works v long hours) and I don't want to be a SAHM so this has to work out. Lots of pressure :(

Hi
My dc go to nursery, both started at around 7-8 months. Ds settled really well; he's always been an outgoing, easygoing and confident child and he loves it there. Dd has always been much more reserved and unsettled; as such I worried that she would struggle ar nursery. But she has been fine. There are days when she's been more upset but that's generally when she's had a bad night or is teething and is unsettled anyway. On the whole, since starting there she's come out if her she'll quite a lot and is much more accepting of other people looking after her.

Nurseries and the staff that work there are normally very good at helping children to settle. In my experience (from my own dc and from having worked in private and school nurseries) they're very tactile, loving and patient with their charges and children respond well to that. They also have a very good structure to their day which helps many children thrive, as well as robust and well tested procedures in place for dealing with any problems or issues that arise.

Hi DD went to nursery at 11 months, she had never been looked after by anyone else other than her parents, and had only just stopped bf to sleep during daytime naps. She cracked getting settled for sleeps at daycare during week 1 and was really settle (no crying) by week 6.

You need to give yourself and DS time to settle into a new routine. Will he be starting before you go back to work? Might help you to relax a little if you know he is settling in before you go back. Also gives you time to work out morning and evening routines.

Also, be prepared for him to pick up a few bugs over the first few months, so you will need an agreement with you DH how to handle child sick days.

I understand worries about sleep - but having visited several nurseries and have lots of mum friends with kids at nursery - they all sleep! Without exception they fit into the nursery routine within a few weeks - it's amazing to see them all lined up asleep in rows - and all of my friends who said their child could only sleep in dark / in the buggy/ only be breastfeed to sleep - all of them sleep at nursery

If you really worry about it being hectic you could consider a childminder - although sleep wise I think the nursery more likely to have them in a routine with proper naps than a cm - evey child I know who goes o nursery absolutely loves it

Babies love other children and he will attach to his key worker and be soothed by her. As long as they do a good settling in process you will be fine and so will he

Maybe it would be better looking for a childminder or smaller nursery, at least til he is 2ish?

DS went to nursery at 7 months and was fine, but it was a small baby room with 6 children under 2 and 2-3 adults. He was the youngest baby so got lots of attention/staff could cuddle him to sleep for naps etc.

I think the problem with busier baby rooms where all the babies are very close in age is that they have the same quite intense needs so have to compete for adult time/attention. When there is a bigger spread of ages it is easier to manage their needs.

DD went to nursery at 1, so the same timing you're describing. I won't lie, she took a while to settle in, but she was only there 2 days a week (my DH works 2 days). If she'd been there more days she'd have settled faster. After the first couple of weeks she cried when we left her but the nursery staff said she cheered up really fast as soon as we'd gone.

She's also a terrible, terrible napper, but her nursery could settle her down without even patting or rocking her to sleep! I was when they told me how well she napped there. And she loved her carers - one of them has also become our reliable babysitter, which is an extra unexpected bonus.

It will be fine, honest. But I agree with the poster who suggests you start nursery before you actually go back to work, so that by the time you go back both you and DS are in a comfortable routine.

I went back to work when dd was 12mo. I had 3 months doing 3 days pw then went up to 4 days pw. Her first month in nursery she did 1 day pw then went up to 2 days pw (the other days she's with GPs).

That first month was hard, but partly because there was a whole week between her going so she had to get used to it all over again each week. She always seemed fine there after I'd gone but the point of separation was tearful/upsetting. From when she started doing 2 days pw at nursery I'd say it took 3-4 weeks and then she was absolutely fine and now a year down the line she loves it.

I worried about her sleeping because at home ALL her naps had been in the buggy with the blackout shade over the top. She would not nap in her cot for love nor money. Again it took a couple of weeks before she got the gist but now the little minx she just lays down on a mattress on the floor and goes straight to bloody sleep! On my day off she still goes down in the buggy at home, I don't dare try the cot!!!!

So overall I'm sure your ds will be fine, specially as he's doing 3 days to begin with. Give it a few weeks and expect those early days to be tough and give yourselves time to adjust.

I would say though, I found going from 3 days up to 4 a huge difference. For me, 3 days was the perfect balance. From January I'm looking at doing 5 days and to be honest I'm dreading it. Be really kind to yourself, get organised in terms of food shopping and meal planning and get your DH to help as much poss.

I remember my DD's first day at nursery, I blubbed, she blubbed, I went to work blubbing.
Day 2, I blubbed, she shrugged and went to play.
We've never looked back and now have a healthy balance with me working 3.5 days a week!

DS1 went to a childminder when he was 1 year old (so different) but until then I or DH was the only people who'd ever looked after him (and even then I'd never left him with DH for longer than an hour). He was a terrible napper and only ever bfed to sleep or napped in a buggy.

I was dreading how he'd cope, especially as the childminder had other kids to look after so did the drop off and pick up to the local nursery/school as well.

He was also still being bfed and I had no idea how he'd cope with me gone all morning, so can fully appreciate your anxiety.

In the end, we did a few taster sessions (an hour twice a week for 3 weeks before he started) and he was fine then, and then we did one afternoon (2.5 hours) then he started with her for 5 hours a day. He cried a bit the afternoon session but at no others, and when he was left for the first week, he cried at drop off for the first 2 days for 5 minutes and that was it - he was absolutely fine and within a week was reaching out to cuddle the childminder when DH was dropping him off.

He also just used to nap when out and about with the childminder and she'd put him in buggy in the house at times he was tired or sit with him on her knee and he'd sleep on her - in fact he napped easier with her than he ever did with me! Once he started speaking he used to ask her for 'buggy' when he was tired and would just sleep in it straight away - he never did that for me - ever!

My friends son was regularly looked after by inlaws and family before he went to nursery, but he still cried every morning at drop off until he was three years old. I think it's all down to the child really and you just don't know how he'll do until he starts - but they all settle down eventually (even the child who cried at drop off every morning, would be fine 5 minutes later - it was just a performance for mum :-D

Just to add, you could consider 2 days at nursery, 2 days with childminder. My friend did this with her DD as nursery was too frenetic for 4 days in her opinion.

I have had child minders now and personally find it calmer more home like option. Not starting a debate as I think nursery is fine - lots of great ones.

But I love our cm so much - worth checking some out?

OP it doesnt have to work, if he doesn't settle there (and he probably will) You could try a smaller nursery or a childminder. One of dd's little friends at nursery would not settle at the first one they tried. Is she more clingy to you than dh? If so it might be better for him to drop off at first, particularly if you are worried about it.

My dd starts nursery in January and I am terrified! Having nightmares about it already! I'm sure she will be fine and every mother goes through it.

It will work. Try and see the benefits rather than feeling anxious or guilty, though I know this is harder than just saying it!

Can you find out what the daily routine is there? Then try and get your child's meals and naps at a similar time before you start. That helps.

Don't underestimate the benefit of having other children there too. Young children tend to do what others do. My ds has recently moved to a new nursery, into the toddler room, where the routine was different from his last nursery. They all nap on mats at the same time, up to 15 of them. I thought there was no way on earth he'd do this. Lo and behold, when I went to pick him up on his first settling in day, there he was, tucked up with them all snoozing away. He also is much more adventurous with his food as if all his friends are eating it, so will he.

You will have tough days. Although ds LOVES nursery and always tries to avoid going home (he hides in the Wendy house telling me he wants to stay), every morning he clings to my leg and has a small whinge.

I also found that just dropping him off and letting them all get in with it was better than staying and detaching myself slowly. He had to get on with it and by the end of the settling in period he was superb.

Good luck!