I've admitted to myself that i need help. What do i do next?

[oneforsorrow]

I've name changed for this as I'm not ready to admit it to the wider world.

I'm a generally a good mum, in my late 40s with 2 children.
However, I am controlling, impatient, short tempered and very shouty at times. Too many times. It is particularly affecting my relationship with my eldest DC who is going through puberty and testing the boundaries.

I have quite a few times in the past bought myself up short with incidences and given myself a talking to, promised myself that i will change my ways, made a real effort to be more patient, understanding etc. But it's not working. I realise that i need help either to find out what's making me like this so that I can address the issues or just to help me change and deal with things differently.
There is some back story re my childhood and my eldest DC does have some issues but I don't want to tell all here for fear of being identified.

So where do i go now? Doctors? Library for self help books? Luckily, I can afford to pay for help if necessary. I just don't know where to go to get it. Any ideas please?

TIA

I'd have thought family counselling may be a useful first step, especially as your dc is older. I believe Relate does family counselling so you could have chat with them and see what they recommend.

Good luck OP and well done for making this important and difficult first step.

Yes well done on identifying a problem and being prepared to deal with it. It's hard to own up to yourself and others when you feel like you're falling short. You're obviously a caring mum that this bothers you and you want to stop it, so that is commendable. CBT could help - you could chat to your GP about this. I can also highly recommend a book called The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters - it has some really useful sections on managing stress and how to stop yourself reacting badly in situations. You want to change, but you need some tips on how to stop yourself reacting at those times when the kids wind you up or you're tired and stressed out. I've been through a period of being a stressed shouty mum and found that book excellent. I've felt much better about my parenting lately and not lost it at the kids for some time.

Thank you both for the replies.
I'll contact Relate tomorrow and go to the library and get that book too.
Well done mummyxtwo, I'm glad you're managing to react differently. That's what I need to do