Names in front of children

[dolallymum]

Out of interest:
When speaking to your children's other parent (OH or ex) in company of your children how do you generally refer to them - mummy/daddy or by their name.
e.g. daddy do you want a coffee, or , joe do you want a coffee??

We call each other Daddy and Mummy. In the past, when we have occasionally used our proper names, ds1 has leapt on that gleefully and taken to calling us by our names too. It took a little while of my telling him that I wouldn't answer unless he called me Mummy before that ceased. I have a friend whose children call their parents by their first names, which they have tried to put a stop to and struggled. It depends if that would bother you - if you want them to call you Mummy, then get your dh to call you "Mummy", if you don't mind them calling you by your first name then it doesn't really matter.

If he were right there by me, I prob wouldn't use a a name. If I were saying..."Go and ask Dad if....." then 'Dad'.

My dc call their Dad 'dh'sname' when they see him on Scout camp though, as they don't want everyone to know he's their Dad

We use our names. In my view, calling each other mummy and daddy is weird.

I agree with CMOTDibbler and find it a bit weird, but can't place why. It just feels odd.

My OH was brought up where his parents always refered to each other as mum and dad (even when he wasn't with them), so he expects daddy in front of our child, and has a strop if I ever call him by his first name. My parents were the opposite and refered to each other by their names, and I knew still to call them mum and dad regardless.
The only way I have managed to get by so far is to say to our child "does your daddy want a coffee?".
I know it's daft, but it's kind of bugging me a bit.

My mum and dad always called each other by their proper names. They explained to my brother and I that we were really lucky as we were the only people in the world that could call them mum and dad and that's special.

Aw I like that idea Icedfinger

I want to say we use first names, but we actually call each other nicknames. DD does sometimes use our first names as she does hear them, but I'm not bothered. I think that it is weird to call each other mum & dad.

depends on the situation. if we were all in the room together talking/playing and I got up to make a cup of tea I would say 'Papa do you want a cup of tea?' but I would also be asking DS if he wanted a drink so it would be an inclusive conversation.

if however I was out of the room and just popped my head round to ask something I would say 'DH have you taken the bins out' as the conversation would go over the head of otherwise occupied DC.

so short answer - both depending on situation!

DH did call me 'Mummy' for a while (it grew up when the DC were very small). I asked him to stop, because I'm not his mother, I'm his wife and the sort of relationship I wanted with him was totally different to maternal!

Both, same as Queen , totally depends upon the situation. Obviously if other adults are around and I am referring to DH or asking DH a question I wouldn't call him Daddy but if I want the boys to ask him something or I am asking them all if they want to do something etc then I would say 'does Daddy want to come with us?' Totally depends. Also DS1 sometimes does call us by our first names but usually only if he's trying to have a joke with us. He knows we're Mummy and Daddy and doesn't forget that just because we call each other by our first names.

I agree with EdithWeston, being called mummy by my DH would give me the shivers. DS is two and knows my name but calls me mamma.

If speaking about him to kids I would say daddy

If speaking to him I would call him by his name, even infrint if kids

If asking him to help kids I would say daddy, ie daddy can you help ds1 with his homework.

The DC always call us mummy and daddy.

I think it's really strange to refuse to speak to your dc unless they call you mummy.

I'm the same as Igloo

I find it weird tho that my dp's parents still refer to themselves as mum and dad in front of their children. Bearing in mind they are now 35 and 38, odd just odd

DH has tried to address me as Mummy. I will not address him by anything other than his ñame unless he really winds me up. And I will not answer to being called Mummy unless by my DDs.

FIL treats MIL like an errant child and I firmly believe this is rooted in the fact that she still calls him Daddy, they are in the 70's now.

I can't remember sources now but have read some kind of pschologist thing about calling each other Mum/Dad diminishes your own position in the family set up.

I usually refer to DH as 'love' or whatever, but definitely wouldn't call him Daddy unless I was talking to the DCs. So I might say 'go ask your Daddy to help with X' but never 'Daddy, will you help him with X'. It's odd.

Use both.

Daddy would you like a coffee...?

Name, I said would like a coffee.....?

Cloth ears do you want a coconutting coffee?

If I am speaking to Dh and ds isn't involved in the conversation but just in the room then I cal Dh by his name. If we are all talking together then we use mummy and daddy.

Depends what mood I'm in / context / who else is in the room.

If I'm talking directly to DP then its name. If its a 3-way conversation between us and DD then its Daddy. More often than not though its a nickname.

A bit like quietninja, if I'm talking to DH I tend to use his name (and vice versa) but otherwise we call each other mummy and daddy as usually conversation does involve DS1 in some way if he's in the room (e.g. ask daddy to help you). I also tend to use his name if I'm shouting downstairs for him to bring somethign, rather than shouting daddy.

I've never really given it much thought, when I was growing up my mum would always say 'ask your dad' etc, but would call my dad by his name generally, and that is more or less what we do.

Early on, DS1 was fascinated by our names and used to ask what they were and then use them, but it was only for fun, whenever he wanted anything it was always mummy and daddy (soon became mama and dada - no idea why - we never used those diminutives!) we didn't make a big deal of it and once he got over the fun of saying our names it passed.

I refer to DH as Daddy when talking about him to the kids, e.g. Go and ask Daddy, but I call him by his name when I talk to him in front of the kids.

I also am called my name by him.

I am a little bit pet name phobic so I always like my real name.

why are people so bothered if their dcs call them by their names?
it's not like they don't know your their dm/df

I'd always call dh his name if I was speaking directly to him. If I was talking about him to one of the dc's, I would call him daddy.

I cannot ever imagine saying "daddy, would you like a cup of tea"!

Sometimes I think it is because some dcs use the real names to be cheeky and I suppose it changes the parent/child dynamic.

I remember my brother once saying something like 'calm down .......name' to my mum. It did seem really cheeky and she went mad.

Oh god, I had a friend who had parents who would refer to each other as mother and father. It was alien to me and I was totally bewildered by the whole thing, at 9yo I just couldn't work out who/ how they were related to each other. They kept this up right through my friend's teenage by which point I regarded it as some kind of twee show.