I am at the end of my tether how do I teach a 9 yo to look after his stuff

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

My ds is at middle school now and this requires him to walk to school and back by himself and have a door key and locker key- He has school pe kit to look after and his uniform of course.

The uniform is expensive(ish). So far he has misplaced two pairs of trainers, his keys several times, both his jumpers are currently missing. It is a constant stressful battle to get him to bring all his stuff home each day - at one point we had all his coats at school over the weekend. Today when I met him from footie practice his teacher informed me he was doing it in bare feet as he had no trainers (only one is at home god knows where the other one is). Then when we got home it was clear that his jumper had been left behind - presumably in the changing room and he has no idea where his other jumper is.

I want to cry I have no idea how to teach ds how to look after his things - he simply crys and says he is rubbish when I confront him with the issue. Which is not very helpful. I just do not know what strategy will work - I am going to pay for new school jumpers with his pocket money I think. If he cannot find teh missing ones. I love him so much but I am so fed up and tense about this now it is such a constant battle.

Morning checklist and afternoon checklist (for before leaving for school and before coming home).

Keys on a keyring with a clip to attach to his trousers/wallet.

I'm sure others will have other ideas, it sounds infuriating.

I agree with the checklist, but I think you need a reward system too, not just a punishment one. Every day that he gets the checklist right, put a marble in a jar. When the jar is full, buy him a new book or something.

You have my sympathy, my 10 yr old DD is an "if her head wasn't screwed on" child and I'm very much a "you will take responsibility for your own stuff" parent, it creates a lot of stress.

These things have helped:

She makes her own poster with the stuff she needs to remember each day on it for her bedroom wall.

She puts her own laundry away, this has made her more conscious of her stuff and where it is (less wails of I can't find it).

I have told her that if she forgets something I will not bring it down to the school and she will have to take the consequences (sounds like this is happening anyway).

Finally, I have said that if stuff gets lost it will come out of her pocket money.

My DD went through a patch of crying and saying "I so stupid," which she isn't and was horrible for both of us so I've tried to take the emotion out of it, she's got things in place to help her and she knows the consequences if she doesn't keep on top of it.

It's still a source of some stress, but it has improved!

Oh and if we've gone a few days with nothing forgotten the I make sure I say something positive about it and if things have been no stress, everything where it should be she can have a bit of Kids tv/ds time before school.

At 13 and 11 I'm still wondering what the stress free days Five mentions feel like. The pocket money thing is painful to see through, but I have done it, in monthly installments and it's not made a difference tbh! I just get a lot of tears but no difference in behaviour.is his stuff clearly named? Does he know where lost property is at school? Are you sure there is no "stealing" or lets hide so-and-so's stuff for a laugh type
of bullying going on?