"Oh, I would NEVER do that if/when I have a child" ....

[Missgiraffe1]

I think it's safe to say Karma has well and truly kicked my judgey-panted arse

I remember looking at stories and pictures on Facebook of my cousins DD being naughty and thinking "I would never allow any child of mine to make that mess/empty the cereal box all over the floor/scribble on the walls with lipstick/eat dog food out the bowl" etc etc

And I would watch my DB and DSil run around after my DN trying to get one more spoonful of dinner into him, thinking "my child will sit in a high chair when it's feeding time at the zoo and I won't be chasing him/her all over the place like that"

Well, HOW WRONG WAS I??? My 17.5month old DS is a hooligan!! And he's so bloody fast! He can open a bathroom door &throw a shoe/phone/toy car down the toilet quicker than you can blink!!

We have had furniture dented and scratched, a tractor thrown across church almost hitting the alter (we don't go much, it's too challenging!), my friends babies hit on the head by random missiles, lamps and ornaments broken, escapes out the front door (which is locked at all times) laptops jumped on..... Just to mention just a few fairly regular occurrences.

And he watches baby tv and eats biscuits

Anyone else find that the reality is somewhat different to their previously rose-tinted, uninitiated views on parenthood??? (Disclaimer I have a 17yo but clearly forgot absolutely everything. Either that, or she was actually an angel compared to her little bro)

A few weeks ago in town dd was in her pushchair refusing the sandwich I gave her, refusing to nap as she was so hungry and refusing to keep her shoes and socks on. I was heavily pregnant at the time and at the end of my tether. She ended up with a sausage roll from a shop v similar to greggs and ended up asleep in her pushchair with bare feet and sausage roll crumbs all over her.

If I'd have seen that child before I had kids I would have judged massively. Now it's just part of the survival from day to day that is my life at the moment

When dd1 was about 5 months old I bought a second hand jumperoo being advertised on netmums. When I went to pick it up I distinctly remember having a massive attack of the judgy pants when I saw their two year old ready for bed, bathed, PJs, and a chocolate biscuit in her hand! Oh the horror! Now my two always like their bedtime biscuit!!

Now I'm well and truly on the other end. DD2 is 18 months and queen of the epic tantrum! She had one in Homebase a couple of weeks ago and not one but two pregnant women walked past with this very expression > You've got it all to come! I thoughtthought wryly to myself!

Ha. Something I learned awfully quickly (he is only 16 weeks) is "whatever you need to do to survive". I also have a 9 year old lovely step son and he often plays mine craft for far too long on a Saturday, has a sausage roll if we are in town and he asks nicely and gets pudding even if he didn't finish dinner.

Don't get me wrong,we do the "good" stuff too, like tonnes of veg, spelling and reading every day and always using manners but ... I pick my fights. And life if too short to fight them into matching clothes and screaming matches over the odd treat.

Someone once said to me "don't judge that screaming mother in the car park with the three crying kids in that moment. You never know what the rest of her year morning has been like"

I used to think "I'd never take my children to MacDonalds's"! Then I got ds1, who had feeding difficulties as a baby and consequently a food phobia, and I am delighted that he will happy tuck into a happy meal of fish fingers or chicken nuggets (beaks and feet, apparently - thanks Jamie Oliver for bursting my bubble). Once, a lady at a supermarket cafe came up to me when ds1 was munching on a plate of chips - he was almost 2yo and had barely eaten solids before - and informed me that that wasn't a very healthy lunch for him. I poked her in the eye as was deserved managed to control my inner rage and told her "ah don't worry, we're going to Burger King later" followed by what was meant to be a nonchalent smile but was probably more a look of death. She looked appalled and hurried away. People will always judge!

I used to think my little nieces watched far too much TV, and that I'd NEVER let my children sit and vacantly stare at the TV. Roll on a few years, and now I'm actively trying to train my DD to watch TV! She keeps wandering away to try and see what I'm doing in the kitchen or whatever, and I'm like 'no no DD, we sit nicely and WATCH when Peppa's on!'

oh, I was just the best parent in the world. None finer. My children wouldn't have dummies, I'd never give them a bottle (yeah, I was a twat too), I'd never shout at them because I wouldn't have to. I would simply explain to them why their behaviour was unreasonable and we would reach an agreement. My children would never be rude to me, would not waste time watching tv because we'd be happily playing together with educational wooden toys... well, you get the idea.

Then I actually had children and realised that I knew nothing about anything and was actually quite a bit of a cock.

When I was pregnant i had all these bucolic images in my head that I was going to breastfeed DS for years, make my own sling from tye dyed material and carry him on my back, we would sit playing quietly for hours with hand painted wooden toys, and he would be weaned on to eating organic vegetables and meat (naturally doing BLW and eating lamb shanks with his fingers at 6mo)....etc etc etc.

The reality has been rather different: epic breast feeding fail by12 days old, straight onto bottles, which lead to colic, comfort milk, 4 months of non stop screaming, dummies, early teething which started as soon as the colic finished, which would only be soothed by dummies and baby nurofen, DS desperate for food by 5mo so had to start of pureeing vegetables and fruit instead of BLW, i hated my sling, and because I had to hold him whilst he screamed non stop for the first 4 months of his life, I often couldn't wait to stick him in the pram and get out the house without him attached to me. At 10mo he is a highly spirited little boy who needs LOTS of entertaining and so as well as going out twice per day, EVERY day to various baby groups and he watches quite a lot of Baby TV (which i was previously very judgey about). Wooden toys dont seem to interest him at all, all he wants to play with are plastic cars and footballs. He likes biscuits and his favourite food is sausages (snouts and toenails no doubt).

Le sigh.

We are getting by though so it can't all be that bad :)

Lol! This is funny!
I looked at my SIL & remember thinking, I am never going to be silent around my sleeping baby. How bad is it that he will only nap in her arms?

I've gone one up instead and feed my baby to sleep in silence lol!

I also remember judging babies/children in dirty clothes but after having the world's sickiest breastfed baby, who I chose to bf because bfed babies are less sicky than ff babies, I couldn't keep up with outfit changes.

I was definitely having no tv until after Ds turned two. He's 19 months and I'm starting to think the only thing my tv plays is Raa Raa the noisy bloody lion. He also eats custard creams at an alarming rate and sleeps with a dummy.

I remember a colleague who had a baby/toddler who was a really bad sleeper. I remember her saying that when she got her DD to sleep in the cot not on her, her DD slept for much longer.... well of course I thought, have you not been watching supernanny? - you just need to stop rocking her......

Well, baby karma struck- I ended up with 2 co-sleeping can't-get-to-sleep-without-at-least-holding-mummy's-hand-ers. And yes, if you can stick it out for 3 hours the 2 year old would eventually go to sleep without holding a hand, but really I don't have the energy for that....

Agree re TV and biscuits. What a twat I was!

I thought I would be like Kate Winslet in Hideous Kinky and me and dcs would take off with a backpack and I would continue to travel to interesting/exotic places. The reality - Devon once a year, with a car crammed with baby kit. And we couldn't even afford that this year!!

Second, horror at snotty/sick covered babies. My twins have both been covered with both today (as have I) can't be arsed to change due to ongoing projections...

Haha. I'm like to tell my brother that there's a great piece of advice for getting ready for children , "take the opportunity to tell someone how to parent, it's the last time you will have the answers!".

I said there was no way I would have a 1 year old who did not sleep through. . I have a lot more sympathy for parents with bad sleepers now!

I remember taking young PFB to a session at a children's centre and being quite judgey when there was a toddler wandering round in a very grey and stained vest. I just couldn't work out why you would keep such an item and why she hadn't just thrown it out when it got stained/dyed.

The session was Messy Play

When I was heavily pregnant I passed a woman standing on the street pretending she wasn't with the stropping toddler lying on the ground beside her. She clocked my belly and then looked at me and said drily "it's not too late to put yours up for adoption, you know." I smiled but thought she must be a terrible mother, leaving her son on the ground crying like that. No way would I ever ... etc etc.

Today I sat in the park and took deep breaths while my toddler screamed and whined in a heap beside me and passers-by gave us alarmed looks. I thought of that woman.

Sat at breakfast one morning pre children whilst my friend's two year old put sticky fingers all over the mirror, thought, no actually said out loud, my children won't do that. Oh the shame, have you seen my mirrors?!

Oh yes and no dummy, no TV (unless it was Blue Planet or a philosophy documentary or something), no sweets EVER, no McDonald's, no juice and DEFINITELY no bribing with biscuits. Ha bloody ha.