How did you know you wanted another child?

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I have one DS, 3 months old and love him to bits. I always thought I wanted 2 or 3 kids but I feel torn now. Obviously I have some time to think about it as practically only just had my first. I had PND which had me facing some dark days but have been getting a lot better. Find that I'm a lot happier when I've had a good amount of sleep. I've been told DS is an easy baby, I don't have much to compare to as I've not looked after any babies for an extended period of time, just my own. The sleep deprivation has been the hardest part.

Part of me feels I love DS too much to give any time to another child. But another part of me feels there is another baby waiting to be given life. I miss pregnancy so much. It was really positive and I felt empty after my section.

I thought I would know for sure whether I wanted another but I think it's early days really. I'm just confused because I didn't expect to have to contemplate it. DH isn't sure but leaning towards just one child.

What age were your children (or child) when you knew you wanted another? Did you always know how many you wanted? What helped you make your decision?

There are other factors for us, like living in a 2 bedroom place and me being prone to stress easily and depression.

I always wanted 4, I have 2 and we are sticking at that for various reasons including financial, me getting horrible antenatal and post natal depression and hyperemesis.

After both kids for the first few months I was desperate to have another but after dc2 that feeling subsided. After dc1 I just knew we would have another one, I didn't want him being an only for many reasons and also I just felt, as did dh, that we yearned for another. The fact I was willing to put myself through pregnancy again was proof that I was serious! We started trying when ds was 2.5 and I fell pregnant when he was almost 3.

However, ds never slept as a baby, he was the fussiest eater ever too and I just couldn't have coped with a baby and toddler ds. If I'd had dd first who was the incredible sleeping baby I'd have had another quicker I think.

You need to be aware though how hard a 'difficult' baby can be. When I just had ds I didn't understand how people got their babies to sleep and feed, it was a mystery to me. Then I had dd and realised a lot of it is luck!

I definitely think DS being easy (so far) is luck and nothing I've done! It's just the way he is. I'm just grateful for each day that he's still easy going! I've discovered just how much I need a good lot of sleep to function and how much it affects my mood. Which also makes me wonder if I could cope with another child.

Sorry to hear about your depression, it's a real pain and can feel really debilitating at times.

I think we will see how we (especially me) cope with DS as a toddler and what his personality is like etc and make a decision in a few years. I don't feel really broody for another, I think it's just taken me by surprise that I'm contemplating not having another after so long of thinking I would have 2 or more.

Thanks for your input :)

I never wanted an only child so always wanted more (in fact after the delivery of DS1 which was pretty intense and stressful, my DH said he was never putting me through that again, and I looked at him while holding my son and I said, I'd do it again).

However, it took me a long time and hurdles to conceive DS1 so we accepted that might be our lot, but we agreed to try and see if we could have another and feel so blessed that we managed to conceive DS2.

It's so early though with your baby just being 3 months, give it a year and then think about where you are. Love stretches, no matter how much you love your baby there is always enough love for more - it's all about whether more children is what you want or not and there is so much time to think about that - I'd just try and enjoy what you have just now :-)

It was always about wanting a sibling and nothing to do with burning maternal need for me, and I know some disagree that having a sibling is all that important, just my view.

We were not ready until DC1 was around 18mths though so your little one is pretty young to really be thinking straight about it one way or another, you haven't even recovered fully physically by this point, so if I were you I would put it to the back of your mind for a few months and just enjoy your little one without putting pressure on to decide either way right now.

Good luck whatever you decide xx

My son is 9mo, and me and DP have been yearning for another as soon as DS was born. Unfortunately, due to financial reasons we have had to move back home with parents to save money to hopefully buy our own house. We have both said that if we had our own place, I would have definitely been pregnant. We're so sad that we have to wait, but a house is definitely more important.

Everybody is different though, and know that they only want to the one child. There's nothing wrong with that. Also is there no rule as to how many children you should/shouldn't have.

I was lucky to have a very text book labour and birth (except for baby being back to back), and I never suffered with PND.
Maybe I would feel differently if I had, who knows.

All I can say is go with your heart. Leave it a year, enjoy your baby, and talk with DH and see how you both feel. There's no rush!!

Part of me feels I love DS too much to give any time to another child.

I felt like this with ds1 but then when dd2 arrived I felt the same overwhelming love for her too, without loving ds1 any less, and we still get to have just as much fun and plenty of quality time together. I can see how his life is enriched by having a little sister to play with and love.

While I always wanted ds1 to have a sibling, I certainly didn't feel broody when he was a baby! He had feeding difficulties and I had PND too, and there were plenty of days when I cried at dh "I'm never having another!" Babies get easier, and when the sleep got better and he was a toddler I had a change of heart! So glad I did, I love having the two of them. I might even consider a third... but then I have days where I think "no chance!"

I'd advise not making any decisions now and for a good while. Your lo is only tiny, you have plenty of time to wait and see how you feel when life is less exhausting.

I think also a lot of people assume that if you're going to have another, you will do so quite soon and have this 2 year that some folks think is the norm for everyone. Whereas actually plenty of people wait longer, have the advantage of DC1 being older and more independent and don't have to worry about 2 sets of childcare fees at once. Provided you aren't of an age to really not want to wait, this is a good way to think about it. There's no rush.

Before I had DD, I thought just having one would be good, but soon after I had her, I desperately wanted to have another one (at some point)! Terrible birth and early days, but there you go. She was pretty easy after 3 months.

In terms of being ready to actually get pregnant again, when DD had turned 1, I felt it would be just about OK. But I was relieved I didn't get pregnant for a few months, TBH. DD will be 2 when DD2 is born, which still feels really little!

Thanks so much for your replies everyone! Definitely going to make the most of my time with DS while he's little and leave it for a year or so and then see how we feel. I think I was surprised that I was questioning it as I always had it in my mind that I would have 2 or more so it kind if caught me off guard. The postnatal depression gave DH a bit of a fright as I was so down but he's glad I've managed to pull myself through so quickly. Thanks to him, meds and medical staff.

It's good to hear everyone's points of view, and what you ended up doing. :)