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Original poster

Is it ok to ask parents to leave their child at a party?

14 replies

lodo · 22/10/2013 10:31

DS1 will be turning 5 on Christmas Eve, and for the past few weeks all he can talk about is his birthday party (no prompting from us) so we have decided to go ahead and do him a party.

I initially thought of hiring a hall but everything appears to be booked up at the weekends coming up to Christmas (although I am still searching) so it looks like it would be at our house. My question is: would it be ok to ask the parents/carers to drop off and pick up later? The children are all 4 - 5 year old, either in reception class and year 1. I'm thinking probably 10 - 15 children in total with me, my husband and grandparents to supervise. Ordinary I'd have no problem about parents staying but i don't have enough room in my house to fit everyone.

What do you think? (This is my first party and child so not sure of the etiquette. Also I think I would be happy to drop off provided it was at someone's house.)

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hillyhilly · 22/10/2013 10:34

I think once they're at school most parents expect to drop and leave although there may be one or two who won't want/ be able to. I think if you explain that there are plenty of adults and accept that you may have to accommodate one or two extra adults, it should be fine, my ds recently went to a 5th birthday house party that was exactly the scenario you describe.

Flicktheswitch · 22/10/2013 10:37

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KiplingBag · 22/10/2013 10:49

I think they would be fine with this. You can always ring them if they don't settle. Explain that you are limited to numbers because it is not in a hall. And quite often you end up not only with parents but siblings too, so best to explain beforehand.

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Eletheomel · 22/10/2013 11:06

My son attended his first 'no parents' party when he was 3 years old - the venue was small and it was their rule that only the birthday boy/girsl parents could stay (the venue had adult helpers running the party games and supervising).

This year (he's just turned 4) he's attended loads of parties and we've asked the parents if we need to stay and they've all said only if we want to - he was happy to be there on his own so he's went to them all by himself. Felt a bit odd at first, leaving him, but he's happy and we were conscious of not staying around and 'cramping his style' (he plays more freely with his friends if we're not there, if we're with him he tends to gravitate towards us).

I think at age 5, I'd expect to leave him at a party and I'm sure other parents will just look forward to the 2 hours respite :-D

hettienne · 22/10/2013 11:09

I'd phrase it on the invite something like "If possible please drop and go due to space restrictions. If this is not possible please let me know on...". Some parents may genuinely need to stay if the child has SN or is anaphylatic to something so that gives you the option of agreeing to a couple staying. Also means you can weed out anyone who intends to stay plus bring granny and 3 siblings...

LunaticFringe · 22/10/2013 11:10

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LouiseAderyn · 22/10/2013 11:14

Agree that you need to tell people before the day, so they can accept or decline based on whether their dc would be happy to stay at a party without mum or dad. My dd wouldn't have been.

kerala · 22/10/2013 11:17

Fine but you need to be clear and explicit and tell parents in advance so if they don't think the child will cope to make other plans.

We had DDs party at the weekend and only invited little pals who we knew quite well so as they are all 4 nearly 5 and know us and the house I assumed they would drop and run. There were 10 but most of the parents stayed - which was nice and everything but meant the room was rammed and DH and I on "would you like a cup of tea" duty as well as organising crafts and games for 10 kids. It tipped down so we couldnt use the garden as we had hoped. We have a big house but it was still rammed and would have been sooo much easier minus the parents....

Doitnicelyplease · 23/10/2013 01:12

Most parents will prob be happy to leave. DD1 (just 5) had an invite recently and the mum wrote a note at the bottom which said "parents are welcome to drop off or stay" which made it clear for everyone.

Most dropped off (and were happy for the 2 hours of quiet!)

foreverondiet · 26/10/2013 19:56

My Ds is at nursery - he is 3.5 and is fine with staying on his own. In reception I'd expect less parents would stay esp with a note saying you don't really have space.

madamginger · 26/10/2013 20:51

We had a party today for 5 year old ds, about half the parents dropped and ran and the other half stayed.
We hired a hall and bouncy castle so lots of room.
I will say this, I spent quite a lot of time ferrying various 5 year olds to the loo which was very annoying, but you had to go through 3 doors to get to them.

lljkk · 27/10/2013 22:08

it depends on the kid, in myself i'd happily leave but some DC would panic at being left & others I wouldn't trust to behave without me. So worth putting something on the invite about your preference.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 27/10/2013 22:33

It really does depend on the child. With us, both DS1 and DS2 weren't comfortable being left until they were 6 or 7 - at 5 DS2 would insist on going but spend the first hour sitting on my lap... DD on the other hand could have been left at any age, she really wasn't bothered!

wavinggoodbyetomyprinciples · 28/10/2013 20:35

I was asked (in a 'required' sort of a way) to leave my child at a 4th birthday party (he was a couple of months short of 4) for the same reasons. I know he was a little younger, but to be honest I was really unhappy about it. I didn't know the family well, and he was a fairly clingy child. I didn't send him in the end.

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