Really stressed - feel like an awful mum...

[MummyLuce]

I have a 15 month old toddler. I have always picked up her up alot... For example, when walking in the park and she moans a bit, when cleaning my teeth and she's grumpy, when she she comes up and asks to be picked up wtc. i literally never thought anything about it, it seemed natural to me! I suppose there have been a few occasions it got annoying (when we are in a rush to leave the house, when she just won't be put down etc etc.) anyway I was at my parents and they told me I should stop picking her up so much and that she only moans to be picked up when she's with me (true). I thought this was the same with all babies! I'm pregnant and they said it will really hard on me and her when the new one comes if I keep on as I am. So today after work I took her fir a walk and wouldn't pick her up and she was absolutely devastated!!! By the end we were both in tears and raging. I'd been away from her all day (whih although i only do twice a week, i hate it) and it was horrid and I felt our evening was ruined. I am not following my parents advice anymore, it just feels so unatural to me. She's so sweet natured and loving. Anyway now I feel so guilty about today I could cry. Anyone got any reassuring words??

Just do what comes naturally. One bad day doesn't matter in the general scheme of things, everyone gets it wrong sometimes.

I agree to do what comes naturally.

But....you also need to look after yourself and when you are heavily pregnant will picking her up be possible? That may be what your parents were trying to say.

It's a good time to start your DD along the path to more independence. Getting in and out of the car, cot, bath....all will be much harder when you are 8 months pregnant or have a newborn.

This advice was also given to me when pregnant with my DC2, BTW. My DC1 was almost 3yo at the time and I still carried her loads!

Do whatever feels right. When dc2 arrives DC1 can go on a buggyboard which puts her right next to you as she likes to be.

You don't have to go cold turkey on her! I worried about this but actually my 18mo was fine with me carrying the baby. I found as the bump got biggerI carried her less anyway. Not a bad idea to decrease it gradually, but all kids like a carry :)

You don't need to never pick her up but I would encourage her out of doing it so much it will be hard going heavily pregnant and also once you have a baby too.

I stopped picking DS up as much because I have a bad back and he did get used to it quickly

I would always try and ignore any advice given to you, especially if it goes again what you feel is right. Nothing wrong with carrying a toddler just now, it might get harder when you're further along in your pregnant and you might have to stop it then, but at least then you'll know you won't be doing it just for the sake of it, so you might find it easier to handle her tears?

When my son got to about 2 years old he was a big lad (91st centile for weight) and I took the decision that if we were out and about, I wasn't going to carry him as he was just getting too heavy for me. I would take the buggy with us and that would be his choice, walking or buggy. We had a few minor tantrums, but he adapted quick and soon stopped asking me to carry him.

However, my husband (being the big strong man he is) didn't wimp out like me and DS1 still asks DH to carry him if we are out and about, and he does it. I've never dreamed of telling him not to do it, if he can carry his huge weight that's fine by me :-)

Re: today, i'm sure your daughter has gotten over her tears already, its us mums who relive these events more, toddlers tend to live in the moment.