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Original poster

Does it ever ease up?!

95 replies

okthen · 20/10/2013 19:16

We have a 3yo and a 12mo. Today went like this:

4.30am 3yo wakes up (uncomfortable as she has worms)
Wakes 12mo up, he cries (he has a cold and is teething)
Feed baby
All back to sleep
5am, 5.30am- baby needs settling
6.30am all up and hungry
Breakfast, get kids dressed
Can't tackle massive pile of dirty clothes as have to wash all towels, sheets etc because of worms.
8am baby does massive liquid poo. Goes on high chair, his clothes, my clothes
Change his clothes
9am I have bath. 3yo comes in, needs a poo. Wants to get in bath with me, upset that she can't. I get out, wipe her bum.

And so it continues, we crash from snack to meal to more explosive shit, via nose-wiping, tantrum-calming, wrestling the baby away from the 3yo as she drags him round by his neck, dropping everything to take baby for a nap walk as he won't sleep, etc etc.

Now it's bedtime and me and dp are like shell-shocked soldiers staggering off the battlefield. There are literal mountains of washing heaped at every turn, the kitchen is pebble-dashed with grated cheese and pasta, we haven't washed up the lunch dishes, and it's Monday again tomorrow.

Surely weekends won't always be like this?!

I'm sure I don't need to add that I adore these children, and they bring immeasurable happiness to my life. I know we are so lucky, too, to have no big problems eg serious illness to deal with.

But... But, I'd really like to have a relaxing weekend, to sip a leisurely cup of coffee and read the weekend papers (without it being a scheduled 'me time' with the clock ticking...), to sleep all night for weeks at a time. To not deal with shit and nits and worms on a regular basis. To not be screamed at, by anyone. To want to stay up past 10pm.

Parents of older children, will I ever reach this holy land of tranquility, or is it a foolish dream?

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MaddAddam · 21/10/2013 11:48

I have found it's got easier all the way from 3.5 years onwards. 5-10 were good years, moving on from those tempestuous pre-school years, but actually my 13 and 12 year olds are even easier than at primary, and easier than my 9yo - not all teens and pre-teens are bad.

I'm waiting for the teen hormones to hit and it all come crashing down but we've had a long spell of calm since those toddler/preschool days and it has felt increasingly easy.

BerstieSpotts · 21/10/2013 11:54

I have a theory that children between the ages of 3 and 12 NEED other kids or they're really hard work!

So it should get easier once DC2 is old enough to play with (rather than be mauled by!) DC1.

You don't need to boil wash worm eggs BTW. They're not very hardy. You can wash them at 40. If there has been a tummy bug then 60 is recommended.

I hate worms. Evil wiggly fuckers.

ghostonthecanvas · 21/10/2013 11:57

Yes it gets better. We have enjoyed the calm. My youngest is a pre teen. Teenage years have different challenges. I now enjoy watching my eldest struggle with the challenges of babies. Karma I believe

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jumperooo · 21/10/2013 11:59

Sympathies OP, this sounds hideous! I only have one and its stories like this that confirm I don't want to have any more!

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 21/10/2013 12:06

Yes it gets better.

Ours are 5 and 7 and there are more and more spells of them getting on, being able to pay well together and concentrate for longer periods.

Both are now dry at night, and sleep 7-7 except when ill or on curbs night when ds1 has to make do with 10 1/2 hours of sleep instead of his usual 12!

Even holidays are fun again!

OP - have you got a nearby launderette that you can use (service wash and dry) to catch up with your washing mountains?

BerstieSpotts · 21/10/2013 12:09

See, I am a bit jealous because of you all having two. I have one and he is 5 and it is still relentless. He needs someone to play with and I always have to be that person :(

Original poster

okthen · 21/10/2013 12:41

Thanks for all the heartening messages about having older kids! The mad thing is, I know I will miss these days and yearn for the simplicity of them (yes, simplicity ), when they are exploding with hormones and angst instead of just liquid poo and snot. Hate to wish the time away... But I reckon from reading these posts, that we are due some relaxing weekends in about, hmm, three years time (unless we have another one...)

bertsie I hear you. It's exhausting it is to be 'on' for a child all day, whilst still trying to get all the house stuff done etc. Yes at least when dd is terrorising ds, she is entertained!

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cory · 21/10/2013 16:44

Mine are 13 and 16. Not very explosive at all, lots of pleasant chats, lots of laughter round the dinner table and the occasional hand with the washing up. Worms and nits a distant memory.

Original poster

okthen · 21/10/2013 20:05

cory that sounds amazing!

OP posts:

teenagetantrums · 21/10/2013 20:14

It does get better i have teens and the do not wake up in the night , in fact at the weekend they would sleep until afternoon if i didn't wake them up at lunchtime, oh and the don't poo or vomit on me. Have to say they still want my attention
as soon as i get in the bath though..

tumbletumble · 21/10/2013 20:22

Mine are 4, 6 and nearly 8 and it is so much easier now!!

MuffCakes · 21/10/2013 20:30

It really does get better, mine are 6 and almost 8 and its lovely. I don't really have to tell them off, they tidy up behind themselves, actually are quite good company and I get quite a lot of peace considering how loud and hyper they can be.

My sofas stay clean now, I don't find manky bits of food their got away with stashing somewhere, toys have been relegated to their bedroom for years and bath time is so easy and not a chore. I don't even need to mop every day like I did back then, once a week that's all it's actually rather lovely being a mum now.

notwoo · 21/10/2013 20:34

sympathies okthen - I've had a very similar day with my 2 -DD 4.5 & DS 18months. DD woke up in a foul mood not helped by fact I had to wash her hair before school as she was too tired for a bath last night. Screaming stroppiness before 8am not welcome.
Absolutely torrential rain on school run.
DS has tail end of stomach bug (DD had it last week so we also had piles and piles of 60 degree washing to get through) and produced a total of 9 revolting nappies in the space of 3 hours.
More torrential rain on school run
Tried leave children playing together to make dinner - DS repeatedly hit DD with his toys and pooed.
I do find the bodily excretions one of the worst parts - they seem to really kick you when you're down!
But there are glimmers of hope with DD. She will now sit by herself and draw or do crafts (or at least would do if DS would leave her alone and stop eating the small components of whatever she's doing or destroying her latest creation)
So I'm hunkering down for another 18 months (man that sounds like a long time!) and hopefully things will start improving then.

HelloBear · 21/10/2013 21:16

okthen I just read out your post to my DH, oh how we laughed cried in to our tea

Apart from the worms (though I'm expecting that soon) your weekend sounds very familiar. I said to my DH at 2am Sunday night 'I love my DC but I'm not enjoying this much'.

Also my 3yo daughter regularly drags my 12mo DS around by his neck.

Original poster

okthen · 21/10/2013 21:20

Oh notwoo- nine nappies in three hours, how grim!

The bodily fluids (and parasites in our case) DO kick you when you're down, because they at once strip away more layers of dignity, whilst adding layers of drudgery.

The rollercoaster of it all gets me, too- from minute to minute I can go from thinking 'this is wonderful, this is everything, my heart could not be fuller' to thinking 'oh, my fucking GOD, go the fuck to sleep, stop screaming in my face, fucky fuck I can't cope with this'

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Original poster

okthen · 21/10/2013 21:33

hellobear the only way is to, as Bridget Jones puts it, Keep Buggering On. Embrace the magic moments wholeheartedly, and just bugger on through the sleepless, shit-splattered ones.

OP posts:

debbie1412 · 21/10/2013 22:49

If this helps both of mine 3 and 1 totally favour their dad over me. I do bloody every fun thing imaginable with them but I don't even come close to his fun. I often feel like running for the hills :-(

grants1000 · 21/10/2013 23:10

I love your,post, you are me a few years ago, I also threw into the mix a house extension and a husband away mon - fri with work. I look back now and seriously fucking wonder want the fuck I was thinking and how on earth did I not end up in the loony bin. I did flip a few times, once when naked under a flimsy dressing gown after 3 hrs sleep holding a screaming teething baby with DS1 not even ddressed for school and needing to leave the house in 5 mins to be on time for school,I told the electrician to just piss off out the house as he was waffling on about light switches.

Children are now 6 & 11 and life is much less messy, less sleep deprived, with many more moments of relaxed me time. It will come I promise.

Fuzzymum1 · 21/10/2013 23:16

I've found that around 6 or 7 they get much easier but even before that it does ease off a bit. I think I've been lucky in that the teen years with my older boys have been pretty good - DS1 has just left to go to uni and while I miss him a bit he was ready to go as he had outgrown living at home and was becoming quite obnoxious in the last few months DS2 is approaching 16 and still pretty easy-going but never thinks to have a shower unless reminded and DS3 who is almost 7 is really sweet and wants to please. One of the biggest things that has made it feel easier is when they can all deal with their toileting needs independently, LOL

HenD19 · 22/10/2013 03:47

So good to read this thread as I have been more exasperated than not since DC3 was born back in May. My DD1 (now 6) got much easier at 3 so I'm hoping DS (who's a wild one) will be the same once he's 3 in December.

My in-laws very kindly took my older two out for the day and then back to theirs for a sleepover and I have missed them so much that I cried earlier! The house is tidy and I even did some cleaning but I missed the chaos and noise so much. It's funny how when you get what you think you want it actually isn't what you want at all. So maybe these are the best days and we'll long for them back in years to come?

Original poster

okthen · 22/10/2013 08:06

Hen I think you are spot on. I have a whole day to myself today (dd at preschool, ds settling into childcare). And as well as feeling dizzy with freedom, I know I'll worry about ds all day and be really happy to see them both at 3pm.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 22/10/2013 08:12

Yes when they start school you're all tearful and feel like you hardly get to spend anytime with them - I don't think so .

In my opinion all ages have highs and lows - they are just different glares at teenage son.

Tiredemma · 22/10/2013 08:16

Wakemeupnow is correct- there is a 'window' between the ages of 7-9/10 where they are just blissfully wonderful.

Then they start secondary school and become 'a new challenge'

Here I am now with 13 and 10 year old boys.......and a 6 week old girl.

Im destined to be 'challenged' forever I think.

stillenacht · 22/10/2013 08:21

Yes if you have NT children. Eldest is 14, lovely independent and understands concept of a lie in.

No if you have a disabled dc. DS2 is 10 but like a 2 year old in every way. Still in nappies, i feed him dinner, early rising, no concept of others.

I am destined for this forever.

Ragwort · 22/10/2013 08:22

Tired - my DS must have missed that 'window' .

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